[name_m]Hi[/name_m] all - [name_f]My[/name_f] MIL is very sensitive and vocal about her feelings regarding names and strongly feels we should use a family name (in line with her Jewish tradition). When I was 4 weeks out from due date with baby #1 she told me she thought I should name him [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] after her father. I actually love the name (it happens to be MY grandpa’s name too) but my husband said no - bc his grandpa didn’t actually go by [name_m]Joseph[/name_m], he went by [name_m]Jerry[/name_m] which is short for his middle name [name_m]Jerome[/name_m]. We ended up naming baby #1 [name_m]Jonah[/name_m]. Now we are expecting baby BOY #2. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband is suddenly on board with [name_m]Joseph[/name_m], but I don’t think we can have a [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] and a [name_m]Joseph[/name_m]. I am considering [name_m]Jerome[/name_m], but we would call him [name_m]Rome[/name_m]. (My familiy has a connection to the Italian city). I don’t love the name [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] so I’d never really call him that, but I know it would mean a lot to my MIL to honor her father. Should we give him a name I don’t really like just to appease his grandma? Is the nn [name_m]Rome[/name_m] cheesey? Thoughts?
Huge congratulations!
Gosh your MIL sounds like my mother I had soooo much pressure to follow Ashkenazi Jewish traditions and succumbed when it came to naming my daughter.
Okay so according to Jewish customs you actually have already honoured MIL father by using J0nah. Jewish traditions tend to be that you use the first initial (with Ashkenazi first and last) off the person your honouring. Her father was J0seph beginning with the J and ending with the h like J0nah. So please do not feel pressure to honour her father again as you’ll end up with a sea of children named names that are only appeasing her. Mothers/MIL can be a little overbearing especially when it cames to their wishes concerning grandchildren.
I wouldn’t use a name you’re not keen on. Jer0me is perfectly fine but I think with J0nah you could get trapped into a ‘j’ theme which you may not want. Also J0nah feels soft and outdoorsy whereas Jer0me is a little serious and ‘hard’ sounding. I just wouldn’t pair them together. However love the idea of [name_m]Rome[/name_m]! I know of a [name_m]Rome[/name_m] and I actually have always admired the name. [name_m]Rome[/name_m] feels like a cooler version of the ever so trendy [name_m]Roman[/name_m]. [name_m]Rome[/name_m] has connections to you and your family which is just as important along with paying a subtle nod to Jer0me. [name_m]Rome[/name_m] definitely works and isn’t cheesy at all. I also think he has the outdoorsy flair which matches nicely with J0nah. I actually love the idea of Rome!!! [name_m]Rome[/name_m] [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] would be gorgeous. [name_m]Or[/name_m] if you think [name_m]Rome[/name_m] isn’t your style [name_m]Roman[/name_m] could work honours your family connection and has the shared ‘Rome’ sound of Jer0me. [name_m]Roman[/name_m] feels more mainstream.
Wishing you all the best
First, MIL can be as sensitive and vocal as she wants but it’s not her baby. It’s yours and your husband’s. So I would discuss names you like with your partner and not involve her in any way. We don’t have children (yet, TTC) but I assume we’ll have this problem as well (not the heritage part, just her being forceful about names she likes/has envisioned for her grandchildren for years) and I will not cater to her because boundaries are important.
TLDR if you don’t like the name, don’t use it and don’t let her bully you. I think the name [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] nn [name_m]Rome[/name_m] is fine but if you don’t really like it then use it for the middle name or don’t use it at all.
[name_m]Rome[/name_m] is an honor for [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] too, but it’s also a name you like! Perhaps that’s a nice happy medium?
But truly… this is your baby. Making him is your feat—not his grandmother’s. What you love matters so so much!
Thank you! This is so helpful. You nailed us on the soft and outdoorsy- that is definitely our style! LOVE the explanation about Jonah. We chose Jonah simply because we both liked it, but I told her that she could consider it a nod to Joseph, but I didn’t have the full Ashkenazi logic in my back pocket so I’m not sure she bought it! My husband is only half-Jewish (his mom’s side obviously), and I am not at all, but I am definitely sensitive to honoring tradition. BTW when naming her own son (my husband), my MIL did not follow that tradition, so I’m a bit bewildered at its sudden importance to her.
I really like Rome, but it is not my #1 choice. Our #1 was actually Julian, until we learned that my husband’s sister, who is due 1 week after me, planned to name her son Julius, which is a family name on her husband’s side - so we abandoned Julian. But then MIL imposed her feelings on my SIL in that she would be hurt if they named another baby after someone on her husband’s side (their first is named after her husband’s father), so now SIL is using a non-family first name with Joseph as mn! But now hubby is “over” Julian and we are not agreeing on any other boy names. So frstrating! I normally would not cater to anyone other than my husband’s feelings on names, but we have considered just about every non-family boy option and can’t agree, so I figured if we both like Rome well enough, then we might as well make her happy too and use Jerome as the formal name but call him Rome. I just still don’t get the feeling that it’s “the one” - perhaps becuase I’m still attached to Julian.
One other name we both like is Van but again I would want it to be a nn for a more formal first name, just in case baby doesn’t like being associated with a big vehicle – and we are not agreeing on the more formal options. I like Evander, and my husband likes Bevan - we both cringe at each other’s picks! Neither of us loves Vance, Evan, Ivan, etc.
Maybe you could give him a first name you like and the middle name [name_m]Jerome[/name_m]
[name_m]Jonah[/name_m] and [name_m]Julian[/name_m] make a cute set of brothers. Maybe your husband will look at that again. I like [name_m]Rome[/name_m] and also like Rhome spelling similar to [name_m]Rhett[/name_m]. There are other names you could use to get the nickname [name_m]Van[/name_m] - [name_m]Sullivan[/name_m] which is really cute.
I was going to say [name_m]Rome[/name_m] [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] till you said your sister in law was using [name_m]Joseph[/name_m]. If she confirms she really isn’t using [name_m]Julius[/name_m] anymore, [name_m]Julian[/name_m] [name_m]Rome[/name_m] would be cool.
Your first baby has the a wonderful name! [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] sounds very serene, charming and friendly.
[name_m]Joseph[/name_m] and [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] are good names. [name_m]Rome[/name_m] is an unexpected, modern and sweet nickname. Actually, I prefer [name_m]Rome[/name_m] on its own! [name_m]Rome[/name_m] as a full name would be amazing! [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] and [name_m]Rome[/name_m] would create a very interesting sibset. [name_m]Rome[/name_m] sounds radiant, amiable, a little artistic, poetic and warm-hearthed. I adore that [name_m]Rome[/name_m] could be a nod to your family. [name_m]Rome[/name_m] is a magical city!
If you dont’t want to use [name_m]Rome[/name_m] as a full name, what about [name_m]Romeo[/name_m] nn [name_m]Rome[/name_m]? It could still honor [name_m]Jerome[/name_m].
I also defend that using [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] / [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] / [name_m]Rome[/name_m] as a middle name could be perfect for you!
Are there any names that you truly love? After all, it’s your baby and you have to absolutely adore his name! I understand your concern about your MIL’s point of view. It is very kind of you to consider your MIL’s opinions and desires. However, you and your husband are the ones that have to admire and choose your baby’s name. Your first son already has a J name. Besides that, [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] also shares some letters with [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] and [name_m]Jerome[/name_m]. You could point out that Jonah’s name already honors his paternal side of the family, especially if you decided to name him [name_m]Jonah[/name_m] because it started with J or because it was similar to [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] / [name_m]Jerome[/name_m]. Perhaps, it is time to honor your side of the family. I (want to) believe your MIL and husband would understand that.
[name_m]Julian[/name_m] is a magnificient name! If you love it, please use it! Maybe if your husband reads these replies he will reconsider [name_m]Julian[/name_m].
[name_m]Van[/name_m] is also a really cool nickname. As a full name, you may like [name_m]Donovan[/name_m], [name_m]Silvan[/name_m], [name_m]Silvanus[/name_m], [name_m]Stevan[/name_m], [name_m]Sullivan[/name_m], [name_m]Alvin[/name_m], Evandro, [name_m]Valentin[/name_m], [name_m]Valentine[/name_m] or [name_m]Valerio[/name_m].
I will also share with you other ideas that you may like!
Names to honor [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] nn [name_m]Jerry[/name_m] (means sacred name):
[name_m]Emory[/name_m]
[name_m]Jericho[/name_m]
[name_m]Jeremy[/name_m]
[name_m]Jeremiah[/name_m]
[name_f]Jersey[/name_f]
[name_m]Roman[/name_m]
[name_f]Promise[/name_f]
[name_m]Romulus[/name_m]
[name_m]Boreas[/name_m], [name_m]Corey[/name_m], [name_m]Forest[/name_m], [name_m]Florent[/name_m], [name_m]Isidore[/name_m], [name_m]Gilmore[/name_m], [name_m]Soren[/name_m], [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] (Using the letters in the middle backwords. A bit of a strech… but it could work!)
[name_f]Avery[/name_f]
[name_m]Montgomery[/name_m]
[name_m]Psalm[/name_m] - “sacred song”
[name_m]Benedict[/name_m] and [name_m]Bennett[/name_m] - “blessed”
[name_m]Asher[/name_m] - “fortunate, blessed, happy one”
Names to honor [name_m]Joseph[/name_m]:
[name_m]Joss[/name_m]
[name_m]Seth[/name_m]
Sheperd
[name_m]Stephan[/name_m]
[name_m]Zephyr[/name_m]
[name_m]Aleph[/name_m]
[name_m]Poseidon[/name_m] (jOSEPh)
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find good names with similar meanings to [name_m]Joseph[/name_m]. Maybe a name with a similar origin, a biblical Hebrew name from the Old Testment will inspire you.
Would you consider [name_m]Jethro[/name_m]? A mix of [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] and [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] 
Eventually, Ambrose…
Here are a few lists to look at… might inspire you:
List 1 ~ List 2 ~ List 3 ~ List 4 ~ List 5
[name_m]Kelvan[/name_m]
Elvan
[name_m]Gavan[/name_m]
[name_m]Javan[/name_m]
[name_m]Jeevan[/name_m]
Jevann
[name_m]Keyvan[/name_m]
[name_m]Revan[/name_m]
Taivan
[name_m]Vaughan[/name_m]
Vaniel
[name_m]Giovanni[/name_m]
[name_m]Giovani[/name_m]
[name_f]Giovanne[/name_f]
Giovany
[name_m]Jovan[/name_m] (although that may be a bit too close to Jonah)
[name_m]Silvan[/name_m]
[name_m]Sylvan[/name_m]
Perhaps J0nah and [name_m]Donovan[/name_m] [name_m]Jerome[/name_m], nicknamed [name_m]Van[/name_m].
Ahh no worries ultimately your MIL should know that using J0nah is following Jewish naming customs for honouring a J0seph. Was your MIL raised in a practising Jewish household? Either way you’ve done your bit you’ve honoured your MIL father.
Gosh this MIL of yours seems to impose her feelings on everyone! Please take a step back. [name_m]Julian[/name_m] is also lovely but if it’s now not right I would take a step back. I do love [name_m]Rome[/name_m]! Regarding the one I think sometimes you just don’t get that feeling I didn’t really with [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] (my daughter’s name) but I do love [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] and its suits her very well.
Wanted to suggest Sullivan he’s so handsome and you get that van nickname!
Sorry to be blunt but I say this more matter of fact, harsh reality, it’s none of your mother in laws business what you name your child and she needs to keep her mouth shut. I don’t say that to be mean or to make things difficult and I don’t think she means to be controlling, but from a psychology standpoint, if you go back to ultimately what is the bottom line truth in naming a child? It’s, unfortunately for her, that you do not owe anything to her when it comes to naming the baby. And I’m sort of using this opportunity to say it this to anyone & /everyone in general, not necessarily specific to your situation, because this happens too frequently. And I would not engage in too much name conversation with her or any relative unless you are ok with the potential of hurting their feelings or having yours hurt by them. That does not mean that WILL happen, but everyone one needs to know when they go there with family what the risks are, and if they are someone who can be ok with it or not. Too many people chiming in on names also runs the risk of you giving too much weight to another persons opinion unnecessarily, and that’s often something you can’t overlook or have good perspective on in the moment but not until after youve gotten through it and had kids or are finally old enough to genuinely not care anymore what a other people think. When you’re having a baby you’re already filled with so much worry and decision-making there’s the chance you’ll overthink everything including someone’s negative take on a name you instinctually like or feel drawn too. And none of this may make sense right now or seem really over the top, but some day it will. And none of this means that there needs to be meanness or argument over the situation, all of this can exist without that, or should be able to, if everyone can respect one another’s feelings and taking careful consideration before having the conversation with others. At a glance it seems like it would be harmless and fun to have, but depending on who it’s with, it can get dicey.
And believe it or not, I don’t say all this because I experienced it myself and it’s some sort of ptsd. I say it just from having experience in counseling on this subject and in a general point of view, as well as being older and wiser than my younger years.
All that ultimately matters when naming a child is that 1. The baby’s parents are happy with it and 2. That it isn’t a name that will do any disservice to a child at some point in their life.
Never give up on your very few opportunities to name a human being, YOUR human being, any name you love and feel strongly about, for anyone else other than the child’s other parent. Sure this might ruffle some feathers, but if it’s not really hurtful for some other reason, then name your child whatever YOUR heart tells you too and know that anyone giving you grief about it WILL get over it even if they say they won’t. And if they don’t, thats their problem, not yours. If they love you, they will get over it.
IF it really will make a persons life too hard though to get around all of this, then to at is why there is the “middle name.” Haha. The ultimate compromiser. Just give the child the name in question that name in the middle name spot. And announce it only after that birth certificate has been signed!
Sorry for the sermon.
What about naming the baby Joseph then a middle name that begins with an R and calling the baby J.R.? It’s handsome and modern and a nod to grandpa.
If the baby isn’t going by Joseph in a daily basis, don’t worry about the Jonah and Joseph thing, it will hardly ever come up in the scheme of things
I don’t love the name [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] or the nn [name_m]Rome[/name_m]. But I do love a variation of Jerome–Jerem.
Oh I love [name_f]Lilia[/name_f]! [name_f]My[/name_f] paternal grandmother’s name was [name_f]Lillian[/name_f], and if we ever have a girl we will use some variation of the name.
And yes, my MIL can be a bit overbearing. I do adore her, and we have a good relationship, but I honestly abandoned the idea of honoring her side of the family altogether for a while simply because of the pressure. We have never told her that we were even considering it. We don’t discuss our names with anyone we’re close to (other than my SIL due to her having a boy so close to our due date). The last thing I want is to feel resentful for naming my baby something I don’t love just to make my MIL happy. But [name_m]Rome[/name_m] was something we considered befeore she even expressed those feelings, and if we were to go that route, she would be over the moon which would be a nice side effect.
We have taken a “pause” on thinking of names at several times during my pregnancy. For context, I am 24 weeks, and we have known from day 1 that this would be a boy because we did IVF with PGT-A testing (didn’t choose the gender - we let the docs pick the “best” embryo, but we knew what it was). We had two back to back losses before the IVF cycle, so we have been thinking of baby names for quite a long time. With our first, we didn’t find out the gender until he was born so we had a boy name and a girl name lined up. We had so many girl names we loved but we had a really hard time agreeing on boy names, so we knew if we had another boy it would be a journey to get to the right one. I know that whatever we pick, there will come a day when we can’t even imagine him having any other name. But my belly is getting pretty big and baby is moving and grooving, and every time I look at his ultrasound picture next to Jonah’s, I feel a strong desire to know his name. [name_m]Hence[/name_m], hopping on this forum to get outside opinions (which I truly appreciate!)
Not sermon-y at all, and I have these same feelings. A lot of it can be summed up in my recent response to tori101, but we haven’t discussed our name list with my MIL or anyone other than my SIL. But MIL can’t help herself from expressing opinions even when no one is asking for them. We both really do like the name [name_m]Rome[/name_m] and figured we might as well throw her a bone by having the formal name be “Jerome”. [name_f]My[/name_f] biggest problem with that is I really don’t like “Jerome” - but if we set a precendent from the get-go that he will be called “Rome”, I’m not sure it will matter. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister named my niece “Henrietta” wanting to get to “Hattie”. [name_f]Hattie[/name_f] is 8 yo now and no one has ever called her “Henrietta.” I’m just wondering if I can live with [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] being what’s on all his formal documents. Thanks for the input! [name_f]Truly[/name_f] appreciate it!
That would be interesting. Jonah’s middle name is [name_m]Daniel[/name_m], so it would be J.D. and D.J.! We like [name_m]Donovan[/name_m], but we don’t want people to end up calling him “Donnie” or “Don.”
I would really like to use my father’s (and grandfather’s) name as the middle name, but it’s a little difficult to work with. It’s “Bernard.”
Firstly I’m glad your fertility journey has ended with the joy of this baby boy (along with your son) and I’m sorry to hear about your losses. Pregnancy loss is so hard 
Honestly I think it’s normal to find one sex harder to name than the other. I find girl names easier than boys! I also think you get more inspiration with girl names for example with honours/family names like [name_f]Lillian[/name_f] (gorgeous name and thank you for the praise for [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] it’s nice to see) you can get so much inspiration from that name but boys it tends to not be that way. Anyways completely understand about not sharing the names with your family/friends takes the pressure off! Still I think [name_m]Rome[/name_m] would be a subtle honour to [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] which would please MIL (so nice you have a great relationship) and is gorgeous.
Good luck with finding your name!
I’d just name him [name_m]Rome[/name_m] 
a tie to [name_m]Jerome[/name_m], the name he’d go by, similar to popular [name_m]Roman[/name_m], and pretty cool all round. [name_m]Jerome[/name_m] is nice too though, I don’t mind it, but if it’s not your favourite, I wouldn’t use it as a first.
Alternatively, there’s [name_m]Seth[/name_m], Seph, [name_m]Zeph[/name_m], [name_m]Zephaniah[/name_m], [name_m]Jem[/name_m] maybe?