Miscarriage and baby names

Parentberries
1

TW: miscarriage

Hey all, I looked to see if a thread like this already existed, but I couldn’t find one. I thought it could be healing to have something like this.

So my husband and I recently lost our first pregnancy at almost 7 weeks. It was such a bittersweet experience, and processing that grief together really brought us close. I feel grateful that my body was able to go through the miscarriage process naturally, and I didn’t experience any of the extreme pain or more serious symptoms that I know so many do.

It was more difficult for me than my husband, because for him it was “I will be a dad in several months” but for me, I already felt like a mom, you know?

A friend of mine who went through a similar thing told me that she named the baby she lost, and it helped her in her healing process.

I’ve been a name nerd for more than a decade, and naming my baby was one of the things I was most excited for, so this struck a chord for me.
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband encouraged me to choose a name, but he personally felt like having a name would make it so much more painful to him, so he said I could choose, and then later on, when he feels ready, he’ll ask me what it is.

I was too early to know my baby’s sex, but I had had a feeling that it was a girl, and my mom had the same feeling (without my talking to her about it) so I decided to choose a girl’s name.

For me, I wanted to choose a name that matched the style of the names I plan to use for future children, so she would really feel like a part of the family to me, like she matters. I also wanted something unfamiliar, so I wouldn’t hear it all the time (I work with children) and be triggered by hearing it. I wanted it to be pretty unique to her.

I also felt like, since she wouldn’t have to spend decades correcting people’s spelling of the name, I could choose something a little more extravagant.
Meanings are extremely important to me, so I wanted to choose something that reflects on my experience loving her.

Here’s the name I chose:

[name_f]Zoa[/name_f] Dragomira.

[name_f]Zoa[/name_f] means life. I want to remember her life, to celebrate her. Her life mattered to me. She was my first, and I’ll never forget her.

Dragomira means [name_f]Precious[/name_f] [name_u]Peace[/name_u], and [name_f]Precious[/name_f] World. I know that peace was with me from the time she was concieved to the days after she passed. I was at peace. And because of her life, and the sorrow I experienced in my grief, I want to make the world a more precious place. Someday, I believe I’ll be able to show love and support to someone going through a similar thing. I want to make the world a more peaceful, precious place because of my experience with her.

Aesthetically, the name makes me thing of dark shimmery gemstone colors, emerald and amethyst and ruby, like a dragonfly in the sunshine.

That’s my name story for her.
I don’t want to pressure anyone to share anything they’re uncomfortable with, but if you’d like to share your story about naming a child you lost, I’d love to hear it :two_hearts:

20 Likes
2

Not my story (obviously, since I’m only a teen and’ve never had children and don’t plan to), but someone I know had a miscarriage, only she was much farther along than you, and there were 3 other kids before the baby. I know she named it, and her name was also very unique, probably for the very same reason as you said above (she works with kids a lot (being a dance teacher), so she didn’t want a name that she would hear), and it went with her other kids names (Levi, Tavia, and Avrum at the time, then after a while Vidalia). The baby’s name was Avonlea, and they had a beautiful ceremony for her complete with releasing balloons in the air with messages.

I’ll keep you and your husband in my prayers :two_hearts:

4 Likes
3

I’m sorry you had to go through this. Zoa Dragomira is a lovely name.

I had an early/chemical miscarriage at the beginning of this year. It happened before I even realized I was pregnant. We had been TTC for a couple of months, not very long, but I was having doubts if maybe we should have waited. One cycle I thought I had very severe PMS, but turns out it was early pregnancy symptoms. I guess I should have known, and should have tested, but I didn’t.
I had the miscarriage abroad, while I was miles and miles away from my husband. The doctor I went to (because I was bleeding) wasn’t very gentle or sensitive when he delivered the news.
My husband was absolutely devastated when I told him about the miscarriage. We had to have this conversation through a video call. I was feeling mostly numb at the time, it only hit me later on. It was mainly my husband who insisted we’d at least name the baby-that-never-was. We named them Gneisti, it’s an Icelandic name meaning “spark”, which seemed fitting. Apart from my husband and me, my brother is the only one who knows about the name (or the miscarriage, basically).

9 Likes
4

i’ve never gone through this, so i don’t have a story to share, but i just want to say how sorry i am for your loss. i’m thinking of you and your husband. remember you are not alone, and make sure to be gentle with yourself throughout the grieving process. take all the time you need to mourn your beautiful little zoa.

1 Like
5

Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry for your loss :white_heart:

I lost a baby in my teens in the second trimester so I was a lot further along the whole experience was truly devastating naming my daughter was a massive part of the healing process. Of course I had a funeral etc so she would of had to been named but naming her provided a small amount of joy in a period of time that was incredibly difficult. The period was made worse by how terrible the relationship was, how I had no family support and that I was so young I didn’t truly understand the gravitas of what happened. But I agree naming my daughter provided joy/closure. I named my daughter Alexandra Ann my partner at the time said that I had to choose a name which shared the same initial as his name which limited it slightly but when I found Alexandra the name was just perfect. Ann was both my Grandma and his mum’s middle name. So yes Alexandra Ann was perfect. Similarly to how your daughter’s name is perfect for you.

Wishing you all the best

6 Likes
6

That’s such a special, meaningful name. I’m so sorry for your experience :heart: Your baby matters and you are a mom, no matter what.

I’ve had two, possibly 3 chemical/early pregnancies. I’ve thought about naming them because someone we know who went through similar things said it brought her a measure of peace. It ended up not feeling right for us. Maybe someday but probably not.

3 Likes
7

I’m sorry to say I’ve been where you are 7 times. [name_f]My[/name_f] heart goes out to you, and I think naming “her” will be very healing. I did it, too. And my husband also didn’t really want to be apart of it–I think he felt similar to the way yours feels, that it would be more painful. So I named these precious ones myself:

  • [name_u]Grady[/name_u] [name_m]Webb[/name_m]
  • [name_f]Susannah[/name_f] [name_f]Louisa[/name_f] “Zuzu”
  • [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] [name_u]Barrett[/name_u]
  • [name_f]Ella[/name_f] [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] or [name_m]Egan[/name_m] [name_m]Jones[/name_m] (I didn’t feel as sure about the sex of this one, or the next)
  • [name_f]Mae[/name_f] [name_u]Carden[/name_u] or [name_m]Myles[/name_m] [name_u]Charley[/name_u]
  • [name_u]Vivien[/name_u] [name_f]Polly[/name_f] “Vivi” (the only one whose sex was medically confirmed)
  • [name_u]Theo[/name_u] [name_u]Hayes[/name_u]

Fortunately, I’ve had the privilege of having two healthy children (4th and 9th pregnancy). I hope you’ll experience that same joy soon.

11 Likes