Especially the main meal of the day which is of course at night either before or after your kids are bathed and just before going to bed.
If your kids are picky eaters then meal time must be a nightmare. I think I would get very impatient with them not eating what I had prepared. So how does one survive this time of life?
[name]Do[/name] you all eat together as a family (including your DH)? If not why not?
Or do you prepare two evening meals because DH is not home to eat with the children.
[name]Do[/name] you often miss out on an evening meal? If so why? I can imagine mother saying I just don’t have enough energy to cook a meal for DH and I at 8pm after the kids are in bed.
Does your DH help with getting the children to bed/reading to them/and or helping with the cooking?
My daughter has two picky eaters and the patience of a saint. Please tell us your story.
I have one extremely picky eater and two good eaters. Have tried everything to make my oldest eat more and a wider variety of foods, and it’s very frustrating. After many years of this, I have found the most helpful approach is to prepare a main course that I enjoy, with some side dishes that he finds acceptable. If he refuses to eat the main course, he has to at least take [name]ONE[/name] bite, then make himself a sandwich.
This way, I am well-fed and less irritable (which would NOT be the case if I were waiting until 8pm for dinner), and can deal with the kids and their everyday struggles. If my picky eater is hungry enough, he will eventually eat!
I’m extremely lucky to have an awesome DH who puts in more than his fair share of reading to them and getting them through the bedtime routine! I am doing a lot of the cooking these days (my choice) but when the kids were very little, he would often cook dinner after a full day at work. Enlightened (and rare, and cherished) man.
We eat most evening meals together as a family, usually at 6 or 7pm. Most of my bio children have been fairly picky eaters, but, as with the pp, we had them at least taste the main dish. Now in their teens, my girls are adventurous eaters although perhaps not overly fond of vegetables. The oldest two are developing their own style of cooking which is different than mine.
My 17-month-old foster daughter is a challenge! She only wants to eat what she can pick up with her fingers; no using a spoon or being spoon fed for her, if she has her way. For reasons I can’t always understand, she then proceeds to toss every third piece or so over the edge of her high chair, unless we can stop her in time. She has only been with us a month, so its a work in progress.
triss thank you for your input. It is a challenge to anticipate when the next morsel of food will hit the floor esp at 17 months but the good news is that your girls have now become adventurous eaters, that is encouraging to all the mothers who have children who are picky eaters.
[name]Rowan[/name] is 15 months old and she is just starting to go through her first picky phase. Up until about a month ago, she would literally eat anything I gave her. Of course she has her favorites (blueberries, raspberries, mandarin oranges, fruit mostly…) but she would at least try any new food I presented her with (except meat, she will not touch anything with meat in it even if its hidden in sauce or soup)
Lately, she is turning her nose up at just about everything. She usually loves avocados with a little salt but today I offered her some and she spit it out like it was poison. All she has wanted the past few weeks is Cheerios, oranges, and anything crunchy. She has actually cut back dramatically on her milk too. I was so worried she wasn’t getting enough nutrition I went out and bought that PediaSure stuff and luckily she liked it but I’m still kind of at a loss. She used to happily eat her veggies and pasta and rice and now she throws everything on the floor. Literally everything. If she is done with it, she launches it across the room. I was actually on the phone with my mom venting this exact conversation earlier, haha. It is so frustrating. I never thought I would have a picky eater since my husband and I are both “foodies” We love trying new things and experimenting. I hope it’s just a phase.
And to answer your questions… [name]Rowan[/name] goes to bed around 6:30 so we usually eat dinner together around 8-9. It’s kind of become the relaxing time when we just zone out and watch a movie and talk to each other. When she gets older, I am going to try and have dinner all together at the table. And my husband is the one working right now, so I usually cook but he is actually better at it than me. He prepares meals for [name]Rowan[/name] all the time though if he’s home.
rowangreeneyes do you prepare the evening meal early in the day? The scene you describe sounds spot on going by the girl’s and unfortunately they are both so so about their milk which was always the staple food if they didn’t eat the food offerings. The have just started on Akta-Vite a nice choclatey vitamin sprinkle for milk and it has been accepted but not 100%.
Like you I am a foodie and my mother said that when I was little I would eat my food up and ask for more! My kids ate what I gave them but the girls seem to change their food tastes every day or so.
My daughter is 4 and eats very well. She went through an awkward stage at the age of about 18 months or so when she ate little to nothing. I was quite concerned, especially when she lost 2lb, but she put it back on when she started eating normally again.
My DH and I eat with [name]Amelie[/name] every night apart from [name]Monday[/name], because my DH doesn’t finish work till 8pm on Mondays and it’d obviously be too late for her to eat then.
We have dinner at about 5:30pm most days. My DH finishes work at 4pm so he’ll usually spend time with [name]Amelie[/name] when I’m preparing dinner.
My family loves pasta, especially. We have that a couple times a week. I generally cook from scratch but we do occasionally indulge in something from the freezer every now and then.
Her favourite foods are spaghetti bolognaise, beef stew and parmesan chicken. We did “baby led weaning” with her which is why I think she eats such a variety of foods. The only food she won’t eat is mashed potato, it literally makes her gag so I don’t force it on her.
[name]Amelie[/name] isn’t allowed junk food - If DH and I want a treat, we don’t eat it in front of her because we don’t want her picking up bad habits.
After dinner, my DH will bathe [name]Amelie[/name] while I clean up. Bedtime for her is at 7pm and daddy usually puts her to bed, apart from Mondays, when she is already in bed when he comes home.
Growing up, meal times were full of stress and drama for me as a child. So my DH and I thankfully agreed to keep it as low jey as possible. My oldest was super choosey when he was young, but will now at least try anything. The hardest thing for us was extended family meals (because in the eyes of the grandparents, a 14 month old should sit still and clean their plate for a 45 minute meal…which if they do, great but if not, that is also developmentally appropriate). We do not really “do” empty calorie foods in our house. Snacks are things like fruits, veggies and hummus, nuts, home made muffins etc. We also give our kids the option of eating what we have or having a pb and j (on whole wheat bread,natural pj, not Skippy etc, natural jams) and whatever rruits or veggies we have on hand. The last thing I want to do is make meals a time of struggle and battle of the wills. There are foods all 4 love, and there are foids half will eat and half will say “no thank you” to. I am excited that we moved to a home where there is a room right off the dining room area, this is to be the “little kids playroom” (the one with no legos, knex, littlest pet stuff etc) so this babe if he is “done” before we all are can play right near us wuthin earshot. Anyways…I will say that all 4 of mine at their ages now will at least try new things. I have my youngest hooked on a local indian buffett actually lol. Table manners are always something we do not let go…no throwing food, saying rude things to what they dont like (just said to [name]Linus[/name] the other night "Lots of people like squash soyp so its not gross, you do not like it and thats fine just say ‘no thank you’ " (wasnt that formal, but you get my drift). Anywats, those are my thoughts. I had a sort of eating disorder (anxiety over people watching me eat) into even a few years ago that I feel stem from my childhoid meal time situations so I really want my kids to grow up listening to their bodys (when hungry, when full), enjoying food but not seeing it as a punishment or reward, and also learning good manners and eating habits. Not that they are perfect, but those are my goals at least.
I will add too that because of [name]Andy[/name]'s schedule, dinner is me and the kids on weeknights. Weekends we do big fun meals on either [name]Saturday[/name] or [name]Sunday[/name] night. Before getting pregnant, we always did “each kid picks one food to have at the meal” as a tradition (and if we felt something was lacking, DH or I would also choose something lol) thats has been lax due to my constant feeling gross but anyways, a fun way to incorporate them into cooking. What is awesome too is that [name]Seb[/name] and B can make certain foods now and ask to cook meals so I let them especially when [name]Andy[/name] works/has class late.
I also want to add that after a rough day,meals are low key. Ordeing pizza and putting on a netflix? Yep! Popcorn, apple slices, string cheese and smoothies I make? Yep! Cereal? Again, yes! My needs are also taken into consideration, cooking up a few boxes of Annies mac and cheese and blending in pureed squash is an easy go-to meal as well. I love my kids, but every night of the week will not do something elaborate. I do like to sit down together if just for a few minutes, but there is lots of variety in what we serve but egryone always gets a full belly.
Thanks for all your ideas. pinkballerina it looks like today’s children when they are small like the same things. I know that pasta is a big hit with the kids and preferably without sauce on it. I can’t imagine a more tasteless meal. I would be interested to have the parmesan chicken recipe if you feel like sharing it.
I started out with the no junk food ethic and I am still 100% behind all parents who practice it, but when my son went to a kid’s party and I found him with his mouth so full of lollies that he couldn’t swallow I later rethought about being totally against junk food. (He obviously felt deprived and to have stuffed his mouth full to the brim.) [name]One[/name] year I held a kid’s party with no lollies! However, when one small girl came up and asked me where her lolly bag was I felt so bad that I never had a no lolly party again.
jemama I totally agree that meal times should not be a battle of wills but it must be hard when day after day kids refuse perfectly good food. The fact that the kids are wasting food would get to me. But how do you get them to embrace food in the most normal way that is to eat a meal three times a day with healthy snacks in between.
I also agree that if the children share meals around a table with their parents it is a great place to teach them manners so that they do not end up being like little savages, eating with their fingers, swinging on their chairs etc etc.
To anyone out there with a picky eater how did you get your child to eat enough so that they would not wake during the night because they were hungry?
There isnt wasting, we pack up leftovers and my DH takes them into work for lunch and dinner or we keep them around for later. I rarely throw things out unless its been mixed and mashed and is gross looking. My older 3 are in school, so they eat breakfast in the morning, lunch there and snacks there too (they all attend a sudbury/democratic school so there is no set lunch time). Usually a snack when they get home and dinner later on. I also think especially when ypung that humans were not made to eat 3 large meals a day, so I expect less fromthem when wee. I also have chosen to breastfeed well into the toddler years so I never worried about the calories etc, they were always growing with no deficiencies and doing fine. Plus it has helped as we have grown our family to see the “peer pressure” the older kids have over the youngers…for instance to have [name]Linus[/name] hate all fruit when he was younger for a little while watch [name]Seb[/name] amd [name]Bronwen[/name] ask for apples, pears etc until he finally tries them and likes them. Mom and Dad, who carescwhat they like but “cool” big brother and sister, yes, sign me up!
It’s very important to me that we all have dinner together. I’ve always found it to be a nice, relaxing bonding time. My husband gets the children during the week and his ex-wife gets them on the weekends. During dinner we talk about what happened at school, work, soccer practice, ballet, the latest spongebob episode, etc. To figure out what to eat, I usually just ask my kids “What sounds good for dinner?” I’ve found spaghetti, tacos, [name]Dino[/name] nuggets, [name]Mac[/name] and cheese, and soup are easy go-to options even picky eaters will eat. My kiddies have a lot of allergies but I know those are there favorites! If they don’t eat what’s served, there’s always cereal in the pantry! My husband tries to use the guilt trick of “There are a lot of kids who don’t even have food,” it almost NEVER works!
baisically our rule is you have to try everything on your plate and eat the vegetables before getting desert if there is desert. we are quite lucky not to have picky eaters (although our three year old doesnt like her veggies and would prefer to give them to the rabbit !)
on weekdays my husband tends to get home when the children go to bed so the kids eat first and then we eat when they are in bed. but we all eat together on sunday as we consider it a family time so it gives time to tell everyone about their week and what they did at school etc…
i am very lucky that my husband loves to cook so he will generally cook at the weekend but i cook for him on weekdays unless he says that he wants too (not likely)
He often helps at bathtime and when he comes in from work he will go and say goodnight to the kids unless he comes in before and puts them to bed himself.
I have 3 and my eldest is a picky eater. We try to eat as a family, but my other half has started a new job and doesn’t always make home in time for our dinner at 5pm. So he reheats his and eats when he gets in.
I eat with the kids usually. I don’t allow my picky son much room to make a big deal. I always make at least one thing I know he’ll eat, usually the veg or meat as he’s ok with most of those. He doesn’t like sauces or things mixed together, but he knows he has to try everything. We also have ‘important foods’. Those are meat and veg and you have to make an effort to eat them, usually a bite per year. So if he’s ok with something, but doesn’t really want to eat it he has to have 6 bites. He has drink his milk. If he wants more of the non-important food like carbs or cheese, etc. then he has to eat all of the food he does like (usually his veg and meat without sauce). That way he doesn’t fill on things like rice or bread and butter which he loves until after he eats his main.
I don’t make separate food for anyone, but I will do things like make a bit that doesn’t have as much sauce on it for him or give my daughter more carrots from the chilli as she likes them more than the meat. All the kids have different tastes so they tend to prefer different parts of the meal. We don’t usually do dessert except sometimes as the weekend. I don’t expect them to clear their plates, but do want them to make an effort to fill their tummies. I also often give the children, especially the eldest a chance to pick what we’re having for dinner to encourage him to eat more.
Sometimes dinner is stressful if I try something new and most of them dislike it, but I try to limit new things to once a week and work new meals in slowly.
My other half helps with bath and bedtime when he gets in.
I’m a really picky eater and I know how frustrated my mum can get with me so I just want to applaud all the mummies on here trying to deal with food issues.
I have seven kids so life is a bit hectic right now, especially at mealtimes! My eldest is nine and my youngest is one month so I have to try to cater for everyone. Lets just say it doesn’t usually work!
Three of my kids - [name]Matty[/name], [name]Jude[/name] and [name]Willow[/name] - are pretty good eaters. I think it’s because [name]Matty[/name] and [name]Jude[/name] are slightly older than the rest so they’ve got more explorative tastes. My second youngest, [name]Roman[/name], is at the stage where he refuses to eat anything I’ve prepared. It’s very frustrating because all attempts at trying to get him to try anything new have failed. It’s hard to manage because then he wakes up in the middle of the night hungry. And there’s nothing worse than a hungry three-year-old! The twins, [name]Cass[/name] and [name]Kit[/name], are okay with their food. They’re not very adventurous but they will generally eat whatever I put in front of them.
In regards to meals, anything along the lines of nuggets and chips is usually a winner! Simple pasta meals always go down a treat too. I find with my kids that the simpler the better when it comes to food. With snacks I generally let them have whatever they want, as long as its sensible. I think allowing them to make their own choices is important to help them develop healthy eating habits. Not too much junk food, mostly healthy snacks. However I don’t believe in completely cutting off food like cake, chocolate and crisps because they’re going to meet it in the outside world anyway, so it’s not really worth the battle.
Because I homeschool my kids they have lunch at 1pm prompt. School finishes at 4 so then I have about an hour and a half to prepare a meal before my DH [name]Markus[/name] comes home from work. We all sit down together and eat as a family as I believe it’s important for the kids to bond together as a group. They like to tell their dad all about what they’ve done in school today and about what they did in swimming practice etc. It’s just a great chance for the family to catch up after a long day.
In my house DH does help with the bedtime routine (it’s pretty hard to do seven on your own!). Generally bath time starts around seven and we just work from there. He’ll bathe and I’ll get them settled into bed. We always start with the youngest and work upwards. The eldest, [name]Matty[/name], usually gets to bed about half eight. After that it’s mom and dad time!
bellalulamum I agree having dinner together as a family is a great idea although we recognise that Dad may not always be able to be there for the meal.
Tacos were a great hit with our little picky eater on [name]Saturday[/name] night and again when the leftover savoury mince the next day, and wonder of wonders she slept all night!
downtowngirl I agree give them lots of choices and try to persuade them to eat some of everything.
malk thanks for all the ideas. It is so hard to get their little tummies filled if they are not good eaters. I like your ‘bite per year’ idea too. Milk was a great favourite till [name]Chloe[/name] got a sore throat since then not so keen on milk. I suggested to DD to try soy milk as she may have a slight lactose intolerance.
whirlygig I agree all the mothers with children who do not like food much are endlessly trying to find the ‘key’ to getting them to eat. Maybe it is just a matter of time?
jazzyfish Like so many others pasta seems to be an everlasting favourite as are chicken nuggets but the last time I was talking to DD she said the girls did not like the crumbs on the nuggets because they thought because the nuggets were brown that meant burnt (which of course they weren’t). [name]Do[/name] you have a crumb free nugget recipe?
Much appreciated feedback and still looking for some fail safe recipes.
Dinner time at our house is definitely an exercise in patience. [name]Both[/name] of our kids are at a stage where they love to play with their food and sticking their silverware in their cups has become a particular fascination of late. And I hate having to sweep/ mop the floor so many times a day.
As for the actual consumption of food… one of my boys is a great eater in that he just loves food. There are things he likes better than others but he loves eating and will not generally raise a fuss about what is on his plate. His twin on the other hand used to be a pretty good eater too but lately has been just playing with his food (at dinner- school says he eats fine). I try to not fight with him to much over it because I don’t want to force feed him, but if he avoids dinner for a couple of days in a row it is hard not to get worried. However, I’ve read that rather than thinking of intake meal by meal it is better to consider overall intake over a three day period. We have found that feeding him from our plates can sometimes help, as does letting him eat off of “grown-up” plates with “grown-up” silverware. We also think he might not be hungry at dinnertime sometimes. Tonight for example we let him down from the table and he came back in to the kitchen after 45 minutes and asked for dinner. Sort of a pain to feed him later, but at this point I’m just happy he is eating.
Yes, we all eat together. My husband has to go in to work by 6:30 in the morning to make it home in time because my kids demand food by about 4:30 or 4:45, but we both think it is important to establish the routine of eating dinner as a family. For a while when they were younger we would sometimes prepare two meals and eat ours after they went to bed because we physically couldn’t get our food down fast enough to eat before they needed to sleep, but that is not very common anymore. We have been talking about getting a tiny bit more flexible here so that on occasion one of us can miss dinner for something important (like working late in the event that one of the boys was sick so we split the day home with him), but I don’t think it has ever actually happened.
We both put the boys to bed and have since day one. Tandem brestfeeding twins was hard on my own so he was up for every feeding and was always there at bedtime (I can think of only two exceptions). It sort of became a habit. Again we have been thinking about taking turns or allowing each of us some leeway there, but we haven’t actually acted on it yet.
In our family we definitely split the chores as evenly as possible. I dislike cooking but my schedule is more flexible and I can work from home (or close to home on the days I have to go in) so it works our best for me to do the cooking during the afternoon. To make up for this he does the chores in the evening after dinner- cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the diapers, doing laundry.
I wish your daughter the best of luck with her difficulties.
