We just welcomes our gorgeous girl who is a multicultural baby, I am french and my partner is chinese.
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We have given a french name and easy to pronounce for english speakers and two middle names one french to honour my great grandmother and one chinese name.
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I visit my family in [name_f]France[/name_f] once a year maximum and I am not too close to my family. We also visit my partner’s family once a year.
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[name_f]Do[/name_f] you think it is ok for our girl to be called by her french middle name by her [name_f]French[/name_f] family and by her chinese middle name by her chinese family and by her first name between us parents, school and everyday life etc?
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[name_f]My[/name_f] parents prefer to call her by her middle name which seems ok by me as it is a middle name we have chosen and I gave to honour the family just wondering if it would be ok for my daughter later on.
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Does any of you have experience with this or have advice on how to handle this. It starts to play with my mind (might be the postpartum hormones too)
I don’t have any personal experience exactly, but my best friend is [name_f]Native[/name_f] Mexican and goes by her first name when she’s in a Nahuatl speaking contexts, one middle in a Spanish speaking contexts, and her other middle in [name_m]English[/name_m] speaking contexts. [name_m]Her[/name_m] first name is very hard for non-native Nahuas to say, but it is what her close family calls her. [name_f]She[/name_f] goes by one middle name with most Spanish speakers, like her husband and his family, and her church family. With her US friends and co-workers she goes by her other middle name. I would say that it may be more for a lot of multicultural families who are working with several different languages and cultures, but I do also know some [name_m]English[/name_m] only speakers who go by one name with family and a different one professionally. It could be a little confusing, but as long as you and your kiddo seem fine with it I wouldn’t worry too much about it, at least until she is old enough to voice an opinion for herself.
I don’t have personal experience, but I do know people (and students where I work) who go by one name at school and one at home – if it’s all your daughter has ever known, she will likely adapt to it – a bit like you would when different people call you different nicknames?
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It might be worth practicing calling her all three, so she gets used to hearing them?
To elaborate why: as @GreenEyes375 has described above, I don’t think a personal identity has to be tied to one name only. We have different parts of ourselves that we lend to different situations, and that’s part of being human. With a newborn, I think it just matters that you (and your partner) are ok with what other family members call your daughter. Once she is old enough to state her opinions, it will be important for you to help her advocate for her own preferences. If she’s content for her middle names to be used by her grandparents, lovely! If she dislikes it and wants them to use her first name, for example, I think it’s important that you communicate that if the time comes. I do think that it’s 100% positive for a child to have names that reflect their ethnicities and follow the naming cultures that are part of them and it’s wonderful that you have done this for your daughter.
In a little personal anecdote I have a family nickname that’s quite different to my actual name, but they both feel like me and I am happy to be called both and it feels natural for my name to change with context (at home, at work, with childhood friends, with new ones).
Yes, it’s ok! I have chinese name but really only my dad calls me with it (almost exclusively). Back in school days my classmates came up with different nickname and everywhere else I go by my actual first name. [name_m]No[/name_m] issue.
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I know a lot of people who go by their middle names as well.
and it’s wonderful that you have done this for your daughter.