Name ambivalence?

Hey folks, [name_u]Lyric[/name_u] is a month old and I still don’t feel super connected with his name. It’s not like there’s a different name wish I’d given him instead, it just doesn’t feel like his name. Has anyone else experienced this?

It doesn’t help that he is practically his older brother’s twin so my sleep-deprived brain keeps wanting to call him [name_u]Sequoia[/name_u], lol.

I’ve been trying to actively use his name instead of “baby”, or “littlest love”, or “Bubs”, but it’s not really working.

Has anyone else gone through this?

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You’re not the only one :heartpulse: I remember feeling similar, and thinking “of all the names, is this the one?” That was as a parent when I had my son. By the time he was a more interactive little bundle (around 5 months?) he seemed to fully inhabit his name in my mind. (I definitely called my youngest sister by her next oldest sibling’s name a lot as well!)
I’ve also heard of “name connection” taking a lot longer too. I have a friend who took a long time to name her daughter, and coming up to a year old, still calls her by a pet name, something like Cupcake, rather than her actual name! In her case, she doesn’t want any other name either, just isn’t feeling totally settled with this one yet. Of course some people don’t settle and decide that choosing a different name is right for them. However it plays out for you, a bit of name uncertainty/disconnection is one of the many normal phases of naming.

I can imagine that if you didn’t experience this with your first, then it’s quite unsettling, but in general, that feeling of connection to your baby’s name grows as your baby does.

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Firstly I just want to reiterate that I was so into [name_u]Lyric[/name_u] for you and I think you’ve chosen wisely his name is wonderful a fantastic sibling name for [name_u]Sequoia[/name_u].

Anyways yes I’ve been there with [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] name and it actually sucks! [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] is the definition of a pandemic baby she was conceived and born in lockdown. I also went through my whole pregnancy in lockdown which I think meant that my whole naming experience was very insular I never managed to properly experience the general public reaction too her name. The only people I spoke to was [name_u]Joseph[/name_u], my close family/friends and nameberry community who were all very familiar with [name_f]Lilia[/name_f]. Anyways fast forward 8 weeks lockdown is over (hooray) and I’m introducing [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] to the general public to my dismay NO ONE understands her name. I’m looked at like I’ve made [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] up and my made up creation has produced the most ridiculous name on the planet that will be continuously butchered by everyone to the point that I start experiencing name regret. I experienced this feeling for ages and it intensified with each mispronunciation of her name. I think what added to this emotion is that I had always envisioned calling my daughter [name_f]Rose[/name_f] a name impossible to butcher however this name was ruled out at the time. Anyways after a lot of difficulty; making pros & cons lists about the name itself, trying out other names, taking numerous breaks from the whole process, reassurance from the berries and my loved ones I realised that actually my [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] suits her name wonderfully well. I just feel in love with the name. I cannot imagine my daughter with any other name.

Anyways hope my story helps in some way & good luck with it all

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I think this is totally normal. Having a baby is weird! Realistically they are a complete stranger to you but at the same time you feel like you’ve known them forever. So just getting used to having this new little person in your life is strange enough already, then add in having to call it by this name that YOU picked is the weirdest situation I’ve ever experienced. It feels like the baby should be telling you its name, not the other way around, and I think that’s why so many people struggle to use their baby’s name. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you actually love the name, there’s just a weird feeling about the whole situation. [name_m]Add[/name_m] in hormones, sleep deprivation, and all the other things that go along with having a newborn and you’ve got a recipe for name regret/questioning/disconnect. Also, I think it makes a huge difference when you chose their name. I think people who go the entire pregnancy, or at least a lot of it, just saying “the baby” who then suddenly have a baby with a real name struggle more than those who call them by their name from the beginning of pregnancy. Not that there’s anything wrong with taking your time to choose a name, but you just have to give yourself more grace because these doubting stages that you’re just going through now a lot of people were able to go through before their baby was born when it seemed less serious or scary. Another thing to keep in mind is that parents are more likely to use nicknames simply because you’re the one who’s with the baby 24/7. The amount of times I say my baby’s name in a day is… A lot. And I use nicknames like a lot too. If I actually said his name every time I was going to address him or talk about him, I think I’d go crazy. So it’s totally normal to switch it up and use different nicknames with your baby, there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as you aren’t finding yourself recoiling when you or someone else does say his name then I think you’ll be ok.

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