I have frequented this site often in choosing the name for both of our children, but have joined finally seeking advice. We are due with our second in 2 months and agreed upon names for each sex ahead of time as I decided I wanted to know the gender and my husband did not. I have made it this far successfully without anyone finding out, but am having serious doubts about [name_u]Chase[/name_u] now and can’t approach the subject without potentially spoiling the surprise.
My husband works in banking, and for some reason it never crossed our minds that “[name_u]Chase[/name_u] [name_m]Bank[/name_m]” would be an association. Once it occurred to me, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and have really grown to dislike the name. Whether it would bother my husband or not, and regardless of if he’s already considered this association, I really don’t think I can settle on it anymore.
What should I do?? [name_f]Do[/name_f] I wait until delivery day and then surprise him twice over with a new list saying “[name_u]Chase[/name_u] is out, how about one of these?!” or just spoil the surprise ahead of time? I’ve considered bringing up both [name_u]Chase[/name_u] and our girl name choice to revisit the subject, but I’m worried it will be too obvious what I’m more passionate about.
I would also love suggestions of similar short & sweet names that aren’t too trendy but are common enough to be familiar because I’m certain [name_u]Chase[/name_u] will not be our son’s name.
Regardless of the name congratulations! So happy for you!
First things first don’t spoil his surprise… not finding out was one of the best treasures I carry with me now. and don’t stress :). It will be okay.
My husband and I had our 4th 7 months ago now… we both waited to find out and didn’t finalize our boy name (really thought we were having a girl). One of his top picks was [name_u]Chase[/name_u] and one [name_m]Cole[/name_m], I didn’t really prefer either but couldn’t get around [name_u]Chase[/name_u], (first time I told my dad the name he laughed and said [name_u]Chase[/name_u] [name_m]Bank[/name_m]… )
Anyhow we couldn’t decide at hospital and we came home. Because of family and hospital pressure we named him around 7 weeks old, [name_u]Chase[/name_u]. (Although Now looking back I would’ve waited) The VERY next day we decided we would legally change it and we are (not that I recommend but you can). We’ve never called him that name so no biggee there and we have pretty much decided on a name now (I think haha).
I recommend you just get a short list of new boy names you like…so that when he is born you can talk to him about it…
I’ll think more today for you, but here are a few I can think of that may work for you. What’s your girls name pick out of curiosity, may help understanding the style you like?
First off, I agree you shouldn’t spoil the surprise for him.
Here’s how I would handle it. I’d say, “[name_f]Honey[/name_f], I know we decided on [name_u]Chase[/name_u] and [girl’s name] beforehand, but I’m having second thoughts. I’m hoping you can give me a handful of options for a boy and for a girl that you like and would consider equal to the choices we already decided on before. If I’m still feeling this way when the baby comes, I’d like to talk about my top one or two from the list that you give me. Would that be ok?”
Knowing my husband, he would be annoyed at having to do the extra work on his end, but he would be open to this and do the work anyway, and he’d be appreciative at not having the surprise spoiled. It puts you in a position where you may be limited in choices (if he says [name_m]Jasper[/name_m], [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m], [name_u]Lyle[/name_u], [name_u]Michael[/name_u], and [name_m]Frank[/name_m], then I would feel obligated to pick my favorite among this list and not veer from it too much – maybe [name_m]Franklin[/name_m] or just [name_m]Ben[/name_m] might be ok alternatives, but not [name_m]Jacob[/name_m] or [name_m]Lloyd[/name_m]). That may feel constricting but I think it’s be best alternative, and it’s what I’d do. You may only wind up being lukewarm about the choices you have, but to me that’s a better option than regretting the name I felt I had no choice but to use but didn’t like. A choice between 5 names (no matter your husband’a taste) is still better than a choice of one that you know you’re not ok with.
Yeah, I agree. I would just try to sell it: “I’m no longer settled on our top choice, so let’s come up with other options for both.” Before the conversation, think of another girls name you love or a reason not to use your top girls name. That way you can kind of stay “in character” during the conversation and not seem more passionate about the boys name.
Honestly, I’ve been playing games like this with my family for months and it’s kind of fun. My husband and I have been pretty settled on our boys name for a while ([name_m]Peter[/name_m]), but I’ve been suggesting other names to the rest of our family to throw them off the trail and preserve the surprise. It’s not exactly the same thing as your situation but it gives some practice at arguing passionately for a name you have no intention of using.
I’ll try to think of a good list of names for [name_u]Chase[/name_u] substitutes and update later.
I agree that a good strategy may be to act like you have doubts about both your top girl and boy names (even if it’s hard not to act more passionate about that boy one!). But when you revisit names with your husband, I most definitely do not think you should have to choose from your husband’s list of top names. You should both sit down together and decide on some other top boy and girl options that you can agree on and both like. Best of luck, I hope you find the right one!!
Of all of those I think [name_u]Blake[/name_u], [name_m]Cole[/name_m], and [name_m]Luke[/name_m] carry the same sort of vibe/image as [name_u]Chase[/name_u] and would all be wonderful options. [name_u]Jace[/name_u] is almost practically [name_u]Chase[/name_u] in terms of sound and would make a good choice as well but I feel it’s a bit trendier than what you may be looking for.
Wow! I didn’t expect so many replies, thank you all so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I feel much more confident in approaching the subject with him now, and I’m glad you all agree it’s not worth spoiling the surprise.
I really feel like we’d be filing for a name change too if I just went along with it and then voiced my concerns after! It’s so interesting to hear your story that’s so similar. Congrats on your 7th!!!
Our daughter’s name is [name_f]Maya[/name_f] and our top pick for girl name is/was [name_u]Quinn[/name_u]. [name_u]Quinn[/name_u] was sort of my win as [name_f]Maya[/name_f] was what he wanted, and I grew to like it. It will be hard to act like I want to change it, but I think it’s better to try… will have to come up with a reason I couldn’t think of before, though.
The name suggestions so far are pretty spot on. Some of the other boy names we considered were
[name_m]Otto[/name_m]*
[name_u]Cody[/name_u]
[name_m]Scott[/name_m]
[name_u]Reid[/name_u]*
[name_m]Graham[/name_m]
[name_m]Jack[/name_m]
[name_m]Miles[/name_m]*
[name_u]Theo[/name_u]*
For some reason or another, we ruled each out. The ones with stars were my favorite.
I talked with my husband honestly (without spoiling! Phew.) Didn’t have to fake it and just said I’m second guessing the name and to trust that I couldn’t explain why. He was a little annoyed at first but we agreed that he gets ultimate veto power and I will make a list of names for each gender for him to go through. So now I just have to come up with names I’d be OK with naming our son! I can’t believe how much better it went than I expected! I’m so glad you all encouraged me to speak up. Now to get a list of 25 names together without getting too attached to any in particular… And then do the same half-heartedly for girls names.
My suggestion is to re visit both names! Make a list of a couple more names you like for a girl and boy “just incase” . I’ve changed my name last minute even when I did know the gender so it’s always good to have a second or third option
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and don’t stress :). It will be okay.
(Although Now looking back I would’ve waited) The VERY next day we decided we would legally change it and we are (not that I recommend but you can). We’ve never called him that name so no biggee there and we have pretty much decided on a name now (I think haha).