Apologies in advance, I’m going to just ramble here for a minute. Seven months ago our daughter was born, Vivienne Pearl. Since then, I’ve had a lot of name regret/questioning. With my son, Leo Harry, I never once second guessed his name, it was always him.
This time I have a bunch of different things that are making me feeing unsettled with her name:
It just doesn’t feel like it suites her. But then I wonder, does any hairless/toothless baby suite as mature a name as Vivienne? She’s not a dainty flower and she has such a feminine name.
I am constantly “trying on” all the other names that were on our list wondering if any would have been a better fit: Sylvie, Camilla, Selah, Francesca, Beatrice, Nell.
We went into the hospital really unsure of which name on the list we were going to go with. My husband felt strongly after a few hours that it was time to pick a name and we went with Vivienne. It wasn’t something either felt in our bones, it was just a choice. On top of it, I had always thought we were going with Vivian but he LOVED Vivienne. Visually I do prefer the spelling we used, but I second guess how to pronounce it-- the French way feels like I’m trying too hard.
Somehow it totally didn’t occur to me that my mom and aunt both have V names (Victoria & Valerie) and while I love them both-- we have somewhat conflicted relationships and I feel like this became some weird matchy thing.
However, I still think Vivienne Pearl is a beautiful name. I just don’t feel “bought in” to it being her name. We’ve been calling her Viv and Vivi (which sounds oddly sort of like Val and Vicky-- which my mom and aunt go by). A couple of the nicknames suggested were Ivy & Nina, for non-V options. Ennie was also suggested but it just doesn’t feel natural to me. Sylvie, Selah and Nell are the names that feel more “her”-- Sylvie or Nell both a ridiculous stretch for Vivienne? While I like Pearl, I don’t want to call her by it.
I was wondering, did anyone else face name second guessing? Did your child grow into their name? Did you let a nickname develop naturally or did you sort of start calling your baby something else and then let everyone else get on board with it? Did you change their name? Would love to hear anyone else’s experience with this or thoughts… thank you!!
I’m so sorry, that sounds extremely stressful. From what I understand, name regret is fairly normal but can become obsessive at some point. We put so much weight into names and how they’ll serve our baby. But you and your husband thoughtfully deliberated for a long time, fretting over her name because your love for her is so big! When name regret sets in, it tends to cloud the truth, which is that you two are great parents trying your very best.
Have you talked with your husband about how you’re feeling? At seven months, it wouldn’t be too late to change her name, but I would see what he has to say.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so conflicted! [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] is stunning, but it doesn’t sound like the name itself bothers you as much as uncertainty over whether it’s truly your daughter’s.
I’m wondering if it might be weirder to change it than to not, as far as your mom and aunt go. It almost draws more attention to the fact that there was a shared initial, and you changed it.
I agree that you should lean on your husband to get his honest opinion. How attached is he to [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f]?
As far as your other concerns, your little toothless [name_f]Viv[/name_f] will certainly grow into her name! And a name like [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] comes with options, depending on what she likes: [name_f]Viv[/name_f], [name_f]Vivi[/name_f], etc. That’s a great quality in a name. Have you thought about Vin/Vinnie as a nickname? They’re perhaps a bit further from [name_f]Vicky[/name_f] than [name_f]Vivi[/name_f] is.
All that being said, it seems you feel like you rushed into her name a bit. If something jumps out at you as perfect, you’re totally justified in changing it! But I also think that relationships with names can be complicated, just as with people, and they’re almost richer for it.
What a brilliant and thoughtful reply, thank you! You’re absolutely right-- it’s not the name itself, it’s whether it is hers.
To change it feels very unlike my personality. We are also in the midst of moving between countries and the paperwork of a name change is something I can’t even wrap my head around. I don’t want to say it would be impossible, but it wouldn’t probably be a full time job.
Technically I definitely wasn’t rushed into it. In fact, I think with so much time at home during Covid I had way too much to think, overthink and rethink (and research!) names. I think the solution is a nickname that feels more right. I do like Vinnie-- I also keep trying on [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] and [name_f]Nina[/name_f] but don’t know if they’re a ridiculous stretch. [name_m]Even[/name_m] Sylvie…
I LOVE what you said about the complexity of relationships with names and ultimately being a bit richer because of it. Thank you!!
I really like [name_f]Nina[/name_f] as a nickname for [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f]! That is something I would have never thought of but really adore .
I am bias though as [name_u]Vivian[/name_u] is my niece’s name so I simply adore it. She is 3 and almost goes exclusively as [name_f]Vivi[/name_f]. Except for my son who calls her [name_f]Bibi[/name_f]
Would [name_u]Nev[/name_u] or [name_f]Neve[/name_f] work as a [name_u]Nick[/name_u] name
I had a little bit of name regret when naming my son. I wanted a different name and ultimately we picked my husbands choice. It feels like his name now but I worried that it was going to be too tied to religious associations or people would think about tv characters with that name ( no one ever did).
I wouldn’t worry too much about changing the name. After all you loved it for a reason and while it may feel big now it might not soon when she’s a little bigger . Ultimately when they are their own person they might change their own name. A lot of celebrities take stage names or other people take on more professional names. I work with a lot of LBGT youth who change their names
This I understand completely. With my most recent we ended up going with my husbands choice, which I’m happy we did. But off the bat I felt a disconnect from his name, G1deon. It just wasn’t him. And my big fear and reason for not wanting to go with the name prior to his birth were the nicknames Giddy and Gidge. So like you Infelt I needed to find that nickname that was him. And oddly enough we found it… ones we never thought of while he was in the womb. And as the months pass by I do see him growing into his first name. It’s him it really is… he’s also all the nicknames we’ve picked up along the way as well.
Whilst I have not been in your situation, I would absolutely and unapologetically change her name if that’s what feels right to you (and your husband).
[name_f]Sylvie[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] is gorgeous and strikes me as a name that could suit a tumbling tomboy as well as a more sophisticated feminine girl/woman. All your other suggestions are wonderful too (Ivy, [name_f]Nell[/name_f], [name_f]Nina[/name_f], Selah) it’s just about what feels right for you.
I pretty much had one off the bat in the hospital. Gid or Gid the Kid (never came to mind in the womb). At first only Insaid it but then my husband discovered a children’s book by the same name so that got everyone else on board. We still use that one but the one we really use now I would say he was several months old like maybe 5 at least … DD started calling him it and it stuck for all of us!
I adore all your name options - gorgeous! I love [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f], though I pronounce it the same I would [name_u]Vivian[/name_u] anyway. I like this spelling, and the meaning is lovely.
I had some name regret with my daughter. In hospital it came down to [name_f]Sylvia[/name_f], [name_f]Robyn[/name_f], or [name_f]Elsie[/name_f]. Hubby insisted we had to meet her before deciding, but as I suspected, meeting her didn’t make it any easier. We had no idea which to go with, and in the end just went with [name_f]Robyn[/name_f]. I remember looking at her when she was about 2 months and thinking we’d made the wrong decision, she should definitely have been an Elsie… but it felt too late to change. And I wasn’t 100% sure.
Honestly, she probably could have been any of those names and would grow to suit any. She’s 2 1/2 now and I think she suits [name_f]Robyn[/name_f] bit she would’ve suited the others equally well. Most of the time she doesn’t look like ANY name to me, she’s just herself, her own wee person, my daughter. There’s no name in the world that could encompass her whole personality and self, or the depth of feeling I have for her. I think sometimes we get cold feet because it’s an actual person we’re naming… and also because we don’t get to use all the names we love, so ones we don’t get to use feel a bit like a loss.
[name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] sounding unintentionally similar to family names is a bit trickier and not an issue I share as my daughter’s name is nothing like others in our family… in all honesty IMO [name_f]Sylvie[/name_f] is a bit of a stretch, and probably [name_f]Nell[/name_f] as well. But [name_f]Nina[/name_f] or [name_u]Nev[/name_u] work. And [name_f]Vivi[/name_f] doesn’t sound too much like [name_f]Vicky[/name_f] to me when pronounced Veevee? [name_f]Nor[/name_f] does [name_f]Viv[/name_f] sound too much like [name_u]Val[/name_u] to me, but it’s your feelings that really matter.
I think a major priority is how your husband feels about all this. If you’re undecided, he could really help finalize a decision.
[name_f]My[/name_f] first daughter is [name_u]Vivian[/name_u]! I remember in the hospital thinking there wasn’t a name good enough for this baby, but we’d decided on [name_u]Vivian[/name_u] before my husband and I were even married, so it was a pretty done deal. Now I can’t really imagine her with any other name. So I am sort of team “people grow into their name”. The good news about that philosophy is, if you change her name, that would end up fitting her, too.
With nicknames, I don’t think there are really any hard and fast rules. You can do what you want! I think you kind if discover the right nickname as you go along. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister is [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f], which has endless possibilities for nicknames. Now she’s definitely a [name_f]Liz[/name_f]. It just kind of happened.
How does your husband feel about the name? I think it would be worth talking it over to see how you both feel.
It does feel like the name just isn’t right for her though - [name_f]Sylvie[/name_f] might be a better fit -it sounds enough like [name_f]Vivi[/name_f] that it might not confuse her
I love the nickname [name_f]Vienne[/name_f] or [name_f]Vienna[/name_f]. I also have some name regret so I commiserate! I love the [name_u]French[/name_u] spelling and I love [name_u]French[/name_u] names so I suggest sticking with it and finding a nickname you like.
I do think she’s young enough that there’s not much room for confusion. I don’t even know if I would legally change her name or just use it as her nickname/name she goes by…
When name regret sets in, it tends to cloud the truth, which is that you two are great parents trying your very best.
… DD started calling him it and it stuck for all of us!