Name stealing… Has it happen to you? [name]How[/name] worried are you about it until your baby arrives? [name]How[/name] close is too close for comfort when it comes to someone using your name of choice? [name]Do[/name] you mind if someone else on a message board uses your name?
It has happened to me! I vented about it in another thread. We were pg w/ our first 4-5 yrs ago and openly told our girl and boy names to our fams–didn’t find out sex of baby, so we had a couple top girls’ names and boys’ names lined up. Our girl name was [name]Lily[/name] (paired with 2 diff mns). Fast fwd 2 yrs, and my [name]SIL[/name] (DH’s bro’s wife) took the name for her 1st girl; no “hey, how much would you mind if we…?” or “heads up, we’re using your name.” I found out from my [name]MIL[/name] who was very upset about it all too. It took me a long time to get over (doesn’t help that this [name]SIL[/name] is pretty rude in general). To top it off, she also tacked on [name]Anne[/name] to the name ([name]Lilly[/name]-[name]Anne[/name]) which we were also planning to use to honor my mom and DH’s mom. At first I felt like we couldn’t even use [name]Anne[/name] anymore, but I’m over that, and we are using it in some way with our coming baby girl. The funny thing is, they had a little boy just over a yr later and used the same name another family member had used within the past yr for HER baby boy–so weird! Now the joke is whenever anyone in the fam has a baby, DH and I say, “Well, I guess [name]SIL[/name] has her name for her next child!” since apparently she would rather steal others’ names than think up her own!
This time around, we have not breathed a word of our names to that entire side of the fam, including DH’s parents, just to be safe, and never will again! We’ve both been a lot more cautious with telling ppl in general, and are just now starting to tell a few ppl (and she’s due in 2 wks!) what our top names are. However, I do NOT mind if ppl unrelated to me use the same name as us. That doesn’t bother me; I figure it’s just life. I am not looking at obscure names that no one else will ever pick, so I figure I have to expect that.
It hasn’t happened to me. I have never really been worried about it as I don’t plan on adopting until three years from now, and when I do adopt, I don’t plan on sharing the name until I bring my child home, so it would have to be a horrible coincidence for that to happen. Usually I don’t have a huge fit if someone likes my favorite names… They’re all relatively popular. Thankfully, my siblings aren’t major fans of my top two for each gender ([name]Isabelle[/name] and [name]Arianne[/name] for girls; [name]Caleb[/name] and [name]Jack[/name] for boys), and I don’t really have close friends who are expecting right now. I really could care less if someone on a message board wants to use [name]Isabelle[/name], [name]Caleb[/name], or [name]Jack[/name]… They’re all fairly mainstream, and I certainly haven’t staked a claim on them, lol. [name]Arianne[/name] I’m a bit more protective about, since very few people talk about it and I’ve loved it so long, and it’s relatively unheard of (even though [name]Ariana[/name] and [name]Arianna[/name] are just as popular as my other favorites).
As for a whole combo, though, I would be pretty upset if someone used my whole combo. Recently someone on another board posted that she was falling for [name]Isabella[/name] and [name]Aurora[/name] and loved the idea of [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Aurora[/name] or [name]Aurora[/name] [name]Isabella[/name]… She knew one of the other members (didn’t mention me by name, but I’m fairly vocal there that my favorite girls’ name is [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Aurora[/name] [name]Grace[/name], and I’m really the only one who LOVES [name]Isabelle[/name] and [name]Aurora[/name] there) loved [name]Aurora[/name], and she didn’t want to name steal if it bothered me. At first I was honored, but after I thought about it more, I couldn’t help being really upset… [name]True[/name], I don’t have a daughter with that name yet, and I might not have a daughter with that name in three years (face it, lol, I might be married then, with a husband who hates the name… Besides, my style could change drastically by then!), but despite [name]Isabelle[/name]'s and [name]Grace[/name]'s popularity, [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Aurora[/name] [name]Grace[/name] has come to be mine. At least, I feel that way. I’ve googled the name many times, and the ONLY time I’ve seen [name]Isabelle[/name] and [name]Aurora[/name] together are when I’ve posted about my beloved [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Aurora[/name] [name]Grace[/name]. There might be another one out there, somewhere, but it’s not on the internet. It represents SO many important things to me, and even though I said it was okay that she could use [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Aurora[/name] if she loved it, I really, really hoped she changed her mind. I don’t want to be the person that claims a name as my own, but my combos in themselves are what feel special about my names, since my favorite FNs are all relatively popular (or have extremely popular counterparts!). I think I would be just as upset if I found out someone on a name board used [name]Arianne[/name] [name]Eleanor[/name] [name]Kate[/name], [name]Caleb[/name] [name]Elias[/name] [name]Joseph[/name], or [name]Jack[/name] [name]August[/name] [name]Cole[/name]–or any of my other huge favorites. I think I’d be much more upset if someone stole my exact [name]Isabelle[/name], [name]Arianne[/name], [name]Caleb[/name], or [name]Jack[/name] combos, since they mean so much to me, personally.
My best friend thinks it would be “cute” if we have babies with the same name. I made the mistake of telling her one of my names and she loves it. She’s also married and much closer to having a baby than I am–but I’ve chosen this name in honor of my mother. I’m really, really hoping she doesn’t do it. Really. I think I would be very angry.
I have not experienced this, but I think that if there is a name you love and plan on using, make it known. I’ve got 2 sisters and I have told them the names I want to use, and they were cool with it. Luckily there were no clashes! I had this discussion with 2 family friends who are sisters (my mum and their mum are close friends) and I was actually really surprised wiith their behaviour. One of them would not breathe a word of it, and the other one told me but didn’t want her sister to know, in case she ‘stole’ the name. I had no problems telling them the names I plan on using. One of them was like “Nope, no one tell so we can’t say that they were stolen”, to which I said that I have no doubt that my child will not be the only [name]Rose[/name], for example, in existence, and as long as one of my sisters doesn’t use it (or my brother in law, if and when he has kids), I will. Couldn’t care less if a cousin or aquaintence or friend uses it first, I’ve already told them what I plan on using and if they decide to copy or were also planning on using it, so be it. As I said before, my child will not be the only person ever to have that name. But part of the reason why I feel that way is because I do not care if someone else uses the same name; I am not going to be deterred from using the names I love and my husband and I agree on because another person has used it. If someone on a message board wants to use the name, great! Means I’ve got good taste (good enough that at least one person likes a name of mine, I mean!).
I haven’t had that yet, but my cousin in [name]England[/name] did name her daughter [name]Alexia[/name] a few months ago, which I’ve decided to name my daughter for about…3 years? now.
My cousin had no idea though, no one in my family does so it’s not like she stole it. At any rate, I intend to still use it. I’ve never actually met my cousin, and we love across and ocean, AND her daughter will be about 6 years older than mine at least.
My Aunt-In [name]Law[/name] insists that her neighbour hijacked her name for her son (my cousin) [name]Jett[/name], because a little while later she named her daughter [name]Jetta[/name]. I don’t think that’s the case, but who knows.
Oh man. I’d be beyond furious. I’m sorry that happened.
Not quite the same thing but we had a bit of name stealing which still infuriates me. When our son [name]Charlie[/name] was about 6 months old our neighbours called their new puppy [name]Charlie[/name]. Why would you take the name of your neighbour’s child for your dog? [name]Charlie[/name] the dog is quite yappy and misbehaving and our [name]Charlie[/name] who is closing on 3 still looks up a bit confused when they are yelling something like ‘stop that [name]Charlie[/name]’ at the dog. I’ll never understand.
This is probably just a bit of cattiness on my part, but I recently found out a “friend” is stealing the name of my best friend’s daughter. Granted, it is [name]Abigail[/name], which I think is ranked number 7… but stillm we all know each other from school and church and its like… can’t you come up with something more original?! Oh. The kicker… she blocked me and my best friend from her facebook right before announcing the name. [name]SHADY[/name]!
I probably just feel so enraged because I did not like this girl much to begin with.
Other than that… I sort of stole a name from my sister, but it was just one she came up with to honor our aunt and she didn’t end up using it. She assured me it is all mine and now it is on my short list!
I’m a victim!
From a young age I said I was going to name my first son after my two fathers (birth father died when I was young and "step"dad raised me). My friend used the exact combo for her first son. There’s no way she didn’t know because our group had discussed it from the time we were tweens!
When my time came, I discarded both names and went in another direction, but it still rankles me when I think about it.
Me and hubby have names picked and we haven’t shared with anyone lol I like unique names so I’d rather wait and have it as a surprise when baby is born, I expect a certain amount of criticism from traditional name lovers in the family and feel I’ll win them over easier once baby is born rather than before.
[name]SIL[/name] also had a baby (rather unexpectedly) last year and put out quite a few name ideas! I don’t mind that as none of the ideas were ones we had a our hearts set on but there was one (which they used!!) that we were considering. I now feel that no one in the family could use any of their short list of top contenders since they told everyone about them so people would now think we’d stolen them from her! So I’m keeping mine to myself, although I highly doubt anyone would use our names anyway, but I’d rather not tempt fate.
I don’t get what you are worried about I don’t think that there is such a thing as ‘name stealing’. In our family there are sisters who have sons with the same name. I don’t have a problem with that at all.
Give the baby the name you love and if a special person in your life or even a distant one has the same name it can only be a problem if the adults allow it to be.
rollo
@east93: Oh, I was. And hurt. I felt like [name]SIL[/name] could have at least had the decency to say something to me herself. It would have changed things for me had she said, “Hey, I know this was your name, but I love it it too, and would really love your blessing to use it on our DD.” But that’s not how she operates. She never even acknowledged what she had done, though we all knew she knew. The crazy thing is, if I had done this to her, she would have spread all manner of rumor about me and called an all-out war against me among our common acquaintances. As it was, after a few months of anger, I was blessed to have a good friend gently suggest I let it go and make peace with the situation. It actually felt really good to let it go (tho I obviously still have issues with [name]SIL[/name], but so does everyone who knows her…).
On another note, one of our top 2 names we’re considering right now is [name]Anna[/name]-[name]Frances[/name]. We plan to call her the full name, but [name]Annie[/name] is a possible nn we like that could evolve. One of my BFFs has a toddler daughter, given name, [name]Annie[/name]. I texted her last night to ask if she would feel like I was name-stealing if we went with [name]Anna[/name]-[name]Frances[/name] and it evolved into [name]Annie[/name]. I knew she would say it didn’t bother her (she’s really sweet) but I’m wondering what you berries think. Would it bother you in this situation? We live about 2 hrs from each other and only see each other a couple times a year at best (sadly), so I know in theory it shouldn’t matter, but how would YOU feel?
This hasn’t happened to me, but I can imagine it would be infuriating. I don’t have any preggo family or friends right now, so we’re not too concerned about sharing our names, as we plan not to have any more children after this one. It doesn’t bother me at all when I hear of other baby girls named [name]Fiona[/name], or that there have been several nameberry babies named [name]Sylvie[/name] (our pick if baby #2 is a girl) lately. Maybe that means it’s headed for the top 1000 and people over here will start accepting it as the full name it is, so I won’t have to worry about her being called [name]Sylvia[/name] all the time. My biggest worry is that a major celebrity will use the name [name]Sylvie[/name] before our baby is born. Top 1000 is cool with me, but I don’t know if I could use it after a celeb and have people asking me “Oh, like so-and-so’s baby?”
@saraallison using [name]Anna[/name]-[name]France[/name]'s with the nn [name]Annie[/name] isn’t stealing your friends names, it’s a completely different name with a common nn that many people have. So I wouldn’t sweat it if I were you.
i had this happen to me! my brother and sister in law were about 7 months pregnant with twin girls and i was just a few months pregnant with a baby whose gender i did not yet know…they initiated a conversation about names AND made us swear up and down we wouldn’t ‘steal’ their names…they told us the 2 names they would be using and i told them i was hoping for a girl and would name her [name]Nina[/name] [name]Beatrice[/name]. so they loved the name- and when they had the twins instead of [name]Kate[/name] and [name]Sabrina[/name] they had [name]Kate[/name] and [name]Nina[/name]!!! their justification (i learned later from my mil) was that i didn’t even know if i was having a girl plus they wouldn’t mind if i had [name]Nina[/name] 2. this all happened with no warning or coversation. they just emailed my husband photos of their newborns titled [name]Kate[/name] & [name]Nina[/name] and i totally cried! i avoided them the rest of my pregnancy and once i had my daughter i must say- i looked at her face and knew her name wasn’t [name]Nina[/name] anyway so they can have it! i chalk it up to a lack of creativity and social graces! also i had told all of my friends and family and in-laws that we were planning on [name]Nina[/name] before the twins were born so when the bil and sil announced the twins names everyone was shocked- prior to all of this i thought it was silly to keep names a secret!!
I have a good relationship with my sisters so I asked them to let me know if they had “claimed” any names I should avoid. It turns out one of my brothers-in-law has his heart set on a certain boy name. It was on our longlist at the time so I’m glad I asked. Interestingly, my mom doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem to have the same name among the cousins, but the sisters don’t like the idea. It’s just courtesy among family and friends to be considerate of other people’s choices. You wouldn’t find out someone was getting X for [name]Christmas[/name] and go out and buy the exact same thing for them too and give it first, how tacky is that.
On the other hand I do think if you’re particularly attached to a name or combo, you should not post it on a public message board. Familiarity/exposure to a name is part of what makes it desirable, so if people are seeing a name/combo over and over in a signature line it only stands to reason that they might start to latch onto it. Plus, for each person who actually posts there are dozens who “lurk.” There are no copyright laws of which I am aware that apply to message boards. Good manners would indicate one should ask permission to use the combo, but on the other hand any number of people could just use it without saying anything at all. If I met someone who had crooked a name from a message board, I would think they were not very creative but did take advantage of “fair game” information. It would be the same as if someone overheard strangers at the park talking about names and someone liked their combo and used it. Not very creative for themselves perhaps, but not mean.
I actually was talking to my brother and [name]SIL[/name] about future kids and names and all that, and let them know my boyfriend and my top choice for a boy… we’re really, really set on that name, whereas we have a plethora of girls’ names that we like, so if they were to use one of our choices, we have plenty of other options. I think that if you have a favorite name, it’s OK to make it known to people close to you, if you can do so tactfully. However, in my opinion, you should really only do this for 2-3 names at most. Like, if you want to say to a sibling/best friend “I’m absolutely planning on using [name]Robert[/name] [name]James[/name] for a boy and [name]Anna[/name] [name]Grace[/name] for a girl, no matter what.”, fine. But sending a list of 10-15 names that you want to claim is not so cool.
And in big families, I think it’s unfair to “dibs” a name of a matriarch or patriach. I have many cousins on my mom’s side, and we’re all close. My eldest cousin gave her first son my grandfather’s name as a middle name. It’s a fairly common name ([name]Francis[/name]) and also the mn of one of the cousins. I think it was a lovely sentiment, but I also wouldn’t consider it “name stealing” if I or any of my cousins used it. (And my cousin is really great. I can’t imagine she’d take issue with it, just an example).
So far my only disappointment has been of a rather awkward kind. BF and I had two boys’ names picked out at one time, and unlike girls’ names, which I change my mind on sometimes, these two were always our pick. We never mentioned it to friends, but recently two close friends who are getting married and actively trying to conceive told us that they definitely planned to name their first boy [name]Nathaniel[/name], which had always been our choice! It wasn’t stealing, because they had no idea - if anything we’d be the ones stealing, because they announced it first and will almost certainly have kids before us. Which is why we’re down to one boy name.
It would only bother me if someone stole the exact combination after I told them personally I was going to use it.
But I don’t like it when people put out a list with about 20 names on it and tells everyone that these names are taken. I have a family member that has done this (with names like [name]Jacob[/name], [name]Ryan[/name], [name]Caleb[/name], [name]Aiden[/name], [name]Emma[/name], [name]Lily[/name], [name]Ava[/name], [name]Isabella[/name], ect) names that I would maybe never use, but I know other family members might. You can’t call dibs on pratically the top 100 names and get mad when someone uses them.
I agree! [name]James[/name] is a family name (my dad’s, cousin’s, great grandfather’s and my brother’s middle) and my sister and I have already come to the agreement that if we both have boys, then they will just have to have a cousin (and grandpa and uncle) with the same middle name as they do. Luckily her taste in first names is for the most part drastically different than mine. She likes [name]Mason[/name] and I like [name]August[/name]. She named her daughter Brynnley and I like [name]Carolina[/name]. So I am not too worried.