@mommydearest: I’m assuming that the “Darling, really?” is directed at me?
@tawnysaurus - mommydearest is a known troll. [name]Don[/name]'t pay any attention to her comments!
@sarahmezz: thanks…i was just thinking sigh…
anyway, i am happy to see all the reasoned discussion, and even though, as one poster noted, this issue comes up from time to time, it’s probably because it’s worthwhile to talk about. we’re all part of this community, and we are all so very different in our histories and style predilections, it means a lot to me (and i hope, to others) to know that we’re all trying to be as civil and constructive as possible.
i realize we all have varying styles of communication, but i think we can all agree that abiding by the general rule of respect for other people’s ideas and tastes (no matter how “ridiculous” they seem) is the best way to keep the discussion positive and healthy:)
Though I didn’t read all of what you said I think Nameberry peps aren’t trying to me rude (I’m thinking the best of others). I am thinking they are being as honest as possible. They are not your friends and your family. Friends and family will most likely be nicer about names. I would say “oh that’s nice” but I would never say that if I didn’t feel that way on here. I know that when I post questions I want someone to be 100% honest. And if I still like a name then I know it is the “right” one to use. I mean it is Your child and nobody else’s so who cares if they hate a name that you love ;). I don’t have the same style as everyone on Nameberry but I come back for the honesty!!!
I think there is a difference between,
“[name]Amber[/name] Skigh Buttercuppe is trashy. Ew, why would you think that’s okay”, and
“[name]Amber[/name] Skigh Buttercuppe will be seen as trashy because it’s mispelled and there are prominant porn stars with that name.”
Same message, neither is sugarcoated, but one has reasons that the poster can take away and do with it what they will.
Lol, I’m pretty much in agreement at the tone of the board is much different than it used to be three years or so ago. Now whenever I see a post that’s about a non-“Nameberry” name, I just skip it because I already know what’s going down in that thread. Poor unsuspecting new poster. I also used to come here for ideas about names that are outside the norm, but frankly, the same names are suggested over and over. But I do think forums in general have a very specific culture that evolves over time. I know that I’m not on here nearly as much as I used to be (i had a different user name until this year) and I only recognize 3 or 4 posters from the old days.
I will say that as someone whose career is critiquing people for a living, some of the “feedback” can be very thin, one dimensional, and not take into account personal bias. Stepping outside of personal taste is hard to do. But it’s an Internet forum… So… You know, that’s probably to be expected.
I’ve seen this on other forums as well. Some people think that the internet is a place where they can be ruder than they would be in person, or maybe they just forget that there are really people on the other end of the conversation, reading these posts. I’m not sure. But there are a lot of people who lack basic etiquette when it comes to the online world.
Personally, even if I don’t agree with someone, I try to frame my responses to their posts in a manner which benefits them, rather than hurts their feelings.
When I first joined this site (like two months ago) I was kind of shocked at how rude everyone was. However, I’ve learned to take it with a grain of salt, ignore the trolls, and avoid threads where I won’t have anything nice or constructive to say. I have rather eclectic taste, I think, but there’s a few pet peeves in there that aren’t incredibly reasonable or helpful to someone who isn’t bothered by them (long E sounds, names that sound like slurred mashed potatoes…). So I try really hard not to talk about it where I don’t think it’s warranted. I mean, I give fantastic advice, have incredible taste, and am never wrong. [name]Ever[/name]. But that doesn’t mean I should tell everyone. 
I admit I can come across as a bit snarky. I totally don’t mean to, but I think you should share honest opinions. I want people to be honest with me. If the consensus is that a name is tacky, trashy, etc, then I don’t want to saddle my child with that kind of name. If I feel that a name fits in a category, I will share that opinion. Maybe, a poster isn’t aware that certain names aren’t as original as they think. Or that others view that name a certain way. Sure, we should be polite, but sometimes people are flabbergasted about something and it comes across rudely. It is a naming forum. I think people should take it as such.
For sure. But it’s what would/could make the discussions so much better! I can’t give up hope, even if this is the Internet 
I might be alone in this, but I don’t think that this is such a big problem on here. I think the majority of the berries are so lovely and helpful, but also honest which I think is a good thing when asking about opinions (but again, that might just be me). You can’t ask for opinions on a name and expect everyone to compliment it. There are so many people on here with a different taste than yours and sometimes it can be nice with a new point of view of things (that said, obviously it’s not necessary to lambast the name(s)/user completely). I also think that people should remember that it’s not a personal attack on you if someone don’t like your favourite name or say that they hate it (or whatever). It’s funny because on another forum (royalty-related, obviously) I am a member of, we were discussing the future name of [name]Baby[/name] Cambridge and someone had mentioned how they hoped [name]William[/name] and [name]Catherine[/name] wouldn’t use a specific name because of one of its nicknames and several people agreed with that. Then another poster felt a bit hurt because the nickname that people didn’t like happened to be her name, but it really wasn’t a personal vendetta against her or anyone else named name, it was merely stating that they didn’t like the name.
Generally I try not to post in threads where the TS has a completely different style than me because that wouldn’t be helpful at all (and I’m also ridiculously bad at suggesting names, so I think I do everyone a favour by staying away from threads where I don’t even like the names mentioned in the OP) 
Yeah, I don’t know why, but I have been noticing a lot of that also. For example, I really don’t like the name [name]Phyllis[/name] at all. But I’m not going to tell someone that their child will be scarred forever if they choose that name, because they won’t. Who knows but that their child will love that name and be eternally grateful for it. So, my response would be something along the lines of, “It’s nice but I don’t really like it myself”.
P.S. No offense meant to any [name]Phyllis[/name]'s : )
If you read the original post, you’ll see that the sentiment wasn’t that everyone should only ever say when they like a name, and no one should ever criticize a name, but that criticism should be constructive and thoughtful.
And yes, most berries are quite helpful. But I’ve seen several (many?) threads lately in which a proposed name–often a unique, unusual, or otherwise non-Nameberry name, often proposed by a new member–is blasted and then about 30 posters pile on with comments that aren’t constructive or helpful in the slightest. I do think that’s a problem because it shuts out new ideas and perspectives.
I agree tawnysaurus. It’s seems like we’re talking about several different things, which is fine and I like hearing about why people post the way they do. But I know you didn’t mean “WARM FUZZIES ONLY!” 
I may be rude and occasionally say “I don’t like traditional names”, but I usually ignore that “traditional” topics.
What I don’t understand, but may not be rude, is when member ask opinion about controversial names, and poster suggest totally out of style.
Like someone want to name child [name]Nevaeh[/name] and poster suggest [name]Cordelia[/name]. I could understand that poster don’t like [name]Nevaeh[/name] and think [name]Cordelia[/name] stand a chance for being pick… Or just it would be tyrranical if mods restricts that kind of opinion…
But I feel like it’s rude.
@tawnysaurus: I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said in this thread.
And also this. I think posters should be honest in their opinions, but sometimes I don’t think people realize that they can be blunt without being rude, which @jamiejamiemomamie so competently illustrated can be easily done.
Because for some reason on almost all baby name forums, they hate “trendy names”.
I feel the same way. We should be able to discuss without being rude.
I’ve been thinking about this. So it’s not okay to call a name “ridiculous” but it’s okay to call people bullies? :-/
I’ll fess up - I’m totally a bully. I’m over it. But it’s usually only when people are absolutely ridiculous and they want to name their kids something like Beaupré Macgillicuddy Starburst Giggles, or when people give absolutely horrendous health advice and pose as some kind of expert and say things like you know that if you put pink, strawberry Jelly Bellies in your hoo-ha three days before you ovulate you’ll surely have a girl. I’m going to be rude about it. I’m over it.
Overall I think people are extremely way too nice on these forums. My husband likes to read over my shoulder and see what I’m posting, and at the end of one of my post he said I should add FOAD. I was like what’s that? It’s F#ck Off And Die, we use it all the time in forums; there’s also DIAF which is Die In A [name]Fire[/name]. I’ve never seen those acronyms on Nameberry, nor STFU. I think we run fairly tepid.
PS I’m using the voice command on my iPhone, and it totally just autocorrected something to Beaupré which I had to look up and learned it’s a place in Québec. I thought that would be a decently weird word name.
Exactly, excellent point. And with all the [name]Cohen[/name] stuff today, it’s really not cool to call people racist, anti-Semitic, trolls, or hillbillies when they share a “devil’s advocate” viewpoint in a tactful manner. Shutting down a discussion by calling out “troll” is my biggest pet peeve. No one is forcing you to read or comment on a thread. Lets not jump on the “everyone who brings up a controversial viewpoint, especially you non-minorities, is a racist” bandwagon.