Hello! I had such good advice from my first post I figured I would give it another go. Here’s the situation. I have 2 boys under 5 and am pregnant with number 3-a girl! Our first 2 kids names were just names we liked. No family connection. For our girl (and final child) I like the name [name_f]Clara[/name_f]. We said we should pick someone from my hubby’s side because they do not live near us and don’t see the kids but a few times a year. [name_f]Clara[/name_f] was inspired/derived from my MIL who’s name is [name_u]Clare[/name_u].
But the more I think of it…the more I feel like “what about MY mother?” [name_f]My[/name_f] mother is going to be the one babysitting, picking them up when we can’t, etc etc. (she lives near us). Are we on the wrong path here? Should baby girl be named after HER since she is going to be such a bigger part of her life? [name_m]Just[/name_m] curious if others have thoughts on this. I’m sure the quick solution is to pick another random name…but I like the idea of our girl having a family name for her first name since she will most likely someday not keep her last name. But…do we go with the family member that is barely in her life? Is that sort of “dishonoring” my mother? What are your thoughts?
If you really love [name_f]Clara[/name_f] you should just use it! You could use your mothers name as a middle if you want!
Congrats on your baby girl!
I think you should use [name_f]Clara[/name_f] if you really love it. Is there a way you could incorporate your mother’s name into her middle name? If you already have a middle name picked out, maybe you could do a double middle name?
Could you use a name that honours your mum in the middle spot?
What is your mother’s first name? It’s possible you could choose a name that honors them both, like [name_f]Clarissa[/name_f], [name_f]Clarinda[/name_f], [name_f]Clarimond[/name_f], [name_f]Clarabelle[/name_f], [name_f]Clarabeth[/name_f], or [name_u]Sinclair[/name_u], and have [name_f]Clara[/name_f] as a nickname. [name_u]Or[/name_u], you could do as others said and honor your mother with the middle name.
If you enjoy the name [name_f]Clara[/name_f] then use it. [name_f]Clara[/name_f] is a different sound than [name_u]Clare[/name_u] to me. You can always name her middle name after your mother if you feel you have to. [name_u]Or[/name_u] a variant of your mom’s name could be the middle just as a variant of MIL is the first name. [name_u]Or[/name_u] else you could use a different yet similar first name with your MIL or mother’s name as a middle.
Similar names you may like:
[name_f]Chloe[/name_f]
[name_f]Clea[/name_f]
[name_f]Cleo[/name_f]
[name_f]Callie[/name_f]
[name_u]Casey[/name_u]
[name_f]Calliope[/name_f]
[name_f]Caelyn[/name_f]
[name_u]Cooper[/name_u]
[name_f]Ana[/name_f] [name_u]Clare[/name_u]
I think it would be nice to share a bit of name history with someone you knew well and have good memories with. I’m not saying don’t use [name_f]Clara[/name_f] but if she will only rarely see your MIL then maybe your mom’s name might be a better honor name. A middle name is an option too. Also some women, this might be a regional thing, move their maiden name to the middle and drop their middle name when they get married. Anyway, you’re right that the first name is definitely the prime spot!
I don’t think using honoring your MIL would dishonor your mom by any means–but if you’re feeling a bit sad at the idea of not including some part of your mom’s name, I definitely think it makes sense to find a way to fix that! It doesn’t necessarily have to mean scrapping [name_f]Clara[/name_f]; I really like previous commenters’ idea of using an honor name for your mom in the middle. I think being named after both of her grandmas would be pretty special for your daughter! 
I will be honest. If I were your mother, my feelings would be bruised if you named your daughter after your MIL.
My mom, the person who takes care of my brother’s kids the most of anyone, was crushed when they didn’t use any honor names for our side of the family (but there are name connections to SILs family). [name_f]My[/name_f] mom never wanted a first name spot, just a middle name spot.
But she got over it. She’s happy to be involved with her grandchildren, no matter what they’re named.
I don’t know if I would gage it in terms of who will be around more - that kind of puts you in the mindset of who is more important? You don’t want to think about it that way. Both grandmas will be important whether one sees your kids more than the other. It’s fair to say you’d like to honor your mother as well, though, if you feel bound to the honor thing. What is your mom’s name? Perhaps there is a way to honor both your mom and your MIL equally. I think it might be best as a middle name, though, maybe a double middle name with both grandmas’ names in some way and have your own choice that’s tied to nobody for a first name, like you did with your sons. I think since your other two children don’t have family names - it kinda makes it a bigger deal what the choice is here.
I second everything you said! It would be wonderful 
Clara is a beautiful name. If you are keen on using an honour name you could do a smoosh name or use your mothers name as the first name and [name_f]Clara[/name_f] in the middle
I have a similar situation ! [name_f]My[/name_f] mother actually hates her name but I love it because it’s so her . We have contemplated putting the names together to make one name
Ex
[name_f]Marjorie[/name_f] +[name_f]Shirley[/name_f] = [name_u]Marley[/name_u]
[name_u]Anne[/name_u] +[name_u]Marie[/name_u] = [name_f]Annemarie[/name_f] or [name_f]Marianne[/name_f]
[name_u]Clare[/name_u]+ [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f] = [name_f]Clarisa[/name_f]
I would honor your mother with the middle name! But even if you don’t do that, I still think it’s completely fine to use [name_f]Clara[/name_f]! Not at all dishonoring or disrespectful to you mother.
Oh yeah… If I were the main grandma in her life, doing the heavy lift of always being there to pick her up, show up at her soccer games, flute recital, school play, take care of her when she’s sick, be there for her when she’s sad, etc … And she was named after the OTHER grandmother… Yeah, I can’t see feeling good about that. I think, even if I tried to not take ot personally at all and remind myself that it’s just a name, etc, it would still sting a little deep down, though I probably wouldnt want to admit it.
What’s your mom’s name? Maybe Clara as MN and your mom’s name or a variant for FN? We’re really good here at finding aaaall the possible variants and diminutives for a name. Or even your mom’s maiden name as the MN. Or your mom’s favorite flower or gemstone, if those are things important to her, etc. Lots of options.
Also, even though I generally do not like double MNs at all, @Kytana23 's suggestion is a really good one, and a good example of MN’s, including double MN’s, put to good use.
I think you could also honour your mother for a middle name spot 
You have many really good suggestions here and I agree that you should also honour your mother in baby girl’s name.