Been thinking a bit about this recently and I suppose now is as good a time as any to ask it. What are the best names, from experience or just your theoretical opinion, for same sex female parents? I called my own mother Mamá or Mamita a lot of the time, so I was thinking I could be one of those (most likely Mamá as I think Mamita is a bit long) and my other half could be just Mum (we’re English, so no Mom!) but I don’t know if those sound distinct enough (Mama has the emphasis on the second syllable), or if it would just be confusing when she calls for us.
This is a really good question. Two of my best friends are trying this month to get inseminated and I doubt they’ve addressed the issue of both being Mommy/Mama/etc. It would definitely be helpful to have distinct names so when the kid calls out for one or the other, they’ll know who s/he means!
Well, my experience with same-sex couples and their children were both men, but it could work the same for you. They were simply called Daddy C and Daddy B , which I thought was cute. or sometimes DC and Dad.
You could do Mummie A and Mummie B or whatever your initials are could work nicely. Like if your name is [name]Jennifer[/name] – MJ.
Or maybe one could be one thing and the other something else like out of these names (other language words for mom included):
Mum
Mummy
Marmee (saw this on another site and I think it’s cute)
Mumma
Mutti (moot-ee)
Mama
[name]Lala[/name] (a little girl at the daycare calls her mother this)
Or you could just wait till the childs old enough to make it’s own decision about what to call you
kungfualex - For us this pregnancy was a complete shock, long story, so we never really expected to be addressing this question, it only dawned on me this week that we can’t both be mummy! Hopefully whatever we come up with will be useful to your friends too, good luck to them
dantea - some great ideas there, thank you! Mutti is the German word for mum I think, yes? That would be quite nice as my other half is 1/4 German. I thought about just letting our little girl make up her own mind, but until she’s able to figure all that out I want to be able to at least refer to us as something when talking to her.
Yes, Mutti is [name]German[/name] for mum/mama (Mutter for Mother). That would be a great plan. Use your heritage to determine what the baby calls you. I’m part Cherokee and this babies grandparents will be Alisi and Eduda (Cherokee words) so maybe that’d work for you?
She could be Mutti and you could be Mum. They sound similar but different enough to work.
Most of my personal experience is with male couples but I knew one couple of female parents, one went by Mom or Mommy and the other went my Mami (Spanish accent) because she was Mexican. Their daughter was named [name]Mavis[/name]. I remember being so in awe of her name.
I know young kids with two moms. They call their birth mom “Mamma Noelly” (Her name is [name]Noelle[/name]) or just Mom and Mumma since they currently only live with her. They call their other mom “Bebah” which is completely random, the first born just started calling her that and it stuck! now they’re just Bebah and Mumma. You may want to consider this, as it will stick with one of your identities better to have the name come naturally. I also like the idea of first initials, like MJ or if your name starts with an E it could be MeMe ([name]Mimi[/name]).
I accidentally stumbled across this thread - I usually don’t frequent this board as I’m neither a mom nor are there any prospects of becoming one anytime soon.
Mutti is indeed a [name]German[/name] name to address one’s mom - but it’s not used very often. I don’t know a single person who calls their mom “Mutti”. It also has a slightly old-fashioned vibe to it. The term most commonly used is “Mama”. [name]Even[/name] English imports “Mom” and “Dad” are more widespread today than “Mutti” or its male counterpart “Vati”, at least with people born in the 80s or later.
I don’t know if actual usage in a [name]German[/name]-speaking environment is something that influences your decision, but as a [name]German[/name] native, I just couldn’t resist chiming in. Best of luck!
My lesbian friends (all Americans) keep it pretty standard: Mom and Mama, and Mom and Mommy. Obviously when the child is first learning to speak there’s a lot of overlap [unlike mama + dada, etc], but by 15 months or so the choices are crystallized.
Thank you for all the anecdotes and suggestions We’ll probably have a look over them and gradually decide which ones come most naturally. As the bio-mum I guess I’m going to end up with the most obvious choice either way.
That’s definitely reassuring if we go for quite similar choices!
That’s certain interesting. I guess that would be like here in the UK, Ma/[name]Mar[/name] is sometimes used, but you almost never hear it amongst the younger generations, only the older ones. As we don’t have plans to ever be in Germany it probably isn’t a big factor, just thought it would be a cute little connection
We both went by Mummy (we’re Australian), until my 16mo daughter started calling myself Mum-mum and my partner Mummy. So she effectively chose our names for us when she was ready.
I call my own mum M or Mem, so was happy to switch to Mum and Mem when my daughter got a little older, but will probably stick with Mum-mum for awhile.
From the lesbian couples I have been around, both have gone by mom or mommy. Most of the time, when a kid needs something, they shout “moms!” or just mom and one or both come to see what they need.
Hey there! My husband and I initially tried to use “Papa” and “Dad/Daddy”, but our son didn’t seem to like Papa much at all. As soon as he started being able to speak semi-coherently, he’d call his father [name]Zach[/name], “Deez” (kind of like a smoosh between D and Z) and me, “DaDa”. Now that he’s getting older, he still calls [name]Zach[/name] “Deez” and calls me Dad, Daddy, or Daddy D (although I mostly get “Daaadeeee Deeee” when he’s yelling haha ) Our daughters follow him and call us by those same names.
Ultimately, I’d definitely reiterate what you said about choosing what comes most naturally to you guys (or to your children, because they’ll tell you!).
You could do maman, from French. My friend had two mums, and she called one Mum and the other “Mumsie”. [name]Mamie[/name] and Mum, Mummy and Mamka. Mummy and [name]Mim[/name]. Studies have shown that children will often identify between their birth parent and co-parent, but this won’t apply if you adopt. I know a couple that go by Mummy [name]Sarah[/name] and Mummy [name]Anne[/name]. Most studies have shown that children will end up using Mum and Mummy or Dad and Daddy, occasionally a Daddy/Papa thing.
Good luck
We’ll probably have a look over them and gradually decide which ones come most naturally. As the bio-mum I guess I’m going to end up with the most obvious choice either way.