I recently asked about the name [name_f]Honey[/name_f] and got a lot of comments about how it wasn’t a good choice since it can be used as a term of endearment which could lead to some not so great stuff. I expected that of course, but I also got a few comments about how people would feel uncomfortable calling someone by this name. I found this very interesting, and maybe a little bit… disturbing?
When is it acceptable to be uncomfortable with using another person’s name? Is this a feeling anyone has experienced in real life? Is this only a problem with women’s names? To be honest, I might have a small amount of discomfort using names I’m not familiar with or fear I will mispronounce but I don’t think this is a reason for another person to not use a name.
Any thoughts about this in general?
1 Like
I think the case with [name_f]Honey[/name_f] is pretty specific because it’s a common term of endearment. It would be like [name_f]Sweetheart[/name_f] or [name_f]Darling[/name_f] or [name_f]Babe[/name_f] as a name for a girl, and I can see why that might make people uncomfortable in a public/workplace setting because people would naturally assume it’s not the person’s name if they didn’t know them. I think this was more of a rhetorical scenario though — people would still use the name if they had to, it’s just when considering naming a child that it’s important to keep in mind how it might affect the child’s social life/work life.
13 Likes
I actually think it’s quite normal to have names that you would feel slightly awkward calling someone by, at least out loud. It’s nothing to be proud of but I do think it’s natural. I fully understand the case made against using [name_f]Honey[/name_f] as a first, but I really adore it so much that I may use it anyway someday. To me personally it feels like a genuine name with a soft sound like [name_f]Hannah[/name_f] or [name_f]Hailey[/name_f].
2 Likes
I think of Frozone’s wife in The Incredibles, which is a great association!
3 Likes
I kind of got the impression that the problem with [name_f]Honey[/name_f] was that it was somehow automatically sexualizing for these people. But isn’t that their problem to get over? If you met someone with the name [name_f]Honey[/name_f] I think that etiquette requires you to accept it as their name. This isn’t really just about [name_f]Honey[/name_f], it’s about any name.
I do see [name_f]Honey[/name_f] more as a color name actually than anything else. It does have a lovely soft sound 
It might feel a bit uncomfortable at first to call someone [name_f]Honey[/name_f], [name_u]Baby[/name_u], [name_u]Sonny[/name_u], etc, but really, it’s just their name. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it was weird at first, I’d get used to it, and soon it would sound perfectly normal, just like any other unfamiliar name does over time. There may some confusion if people want to know their “real name,” but it’s an easy explanation.
Another time I may feel uncomfortable at first saying someone’s name is if it sounds like a cuss word, but once again, it wouldn’t actually be offensive, because it’s the person’s name. The context of using a word matters greatly.
With this all being said, I do still think it is important to consider how a name might affect your child’s life, because names can have impacts. But when it comes to someone else’s name, I don’t think it makes sense to be uncomfortable saying it, because all you are saying is their name.
2 Likes
I completely agree with you that it’s 100% a person’s responsibility to get used to it, and that it’s not inherently sexual in any way. I just think it’s also a parent’s responsibility to consider potential awkward situations their child might have to deal with as a result of their name, and if it’s really worth it.
6 Likes
Yesss I forgot that! Such a great movie & association, her and Frozone were so funny.
1 Like
I don’t think it’s necessarily sexualization, I think it just stems from the fact that you would usually call your partner or children [name_f]Honey[/name_f], which would make the term feel quite precious and not something that feels right to call a random co-worker. Of course parents can pick any name they want but that doesn’t mean they should and yes, maybe it’s the world that needs to change but should your child be the one to suffer for it? With names like these I would always advice testing it out on yourself for a few weeks, go to a coffee shop and order for [name_f]Honey[/name_f], introduce yourself as [name_f]Honey[/name_f] to other people, … see if you’re comfortable using it in the real world.
Other names I would be uncomfortable calling other adults are names such as [name_u]Baby[/name_u], [name_u]Messiah[/name_u] or [name_f]Princess[/name_f].
9 Likes
I think this is a really excellent point. I can’t see myself refusing to use someone’s name because it “made me uncomfortable,” but the world is a sometimes messed up place in need of a lot of changes, and even if it shouldn’t be that way, it’s definitely a little easier to navigate when your given name isn’t, for instance, [name_u]Baby[/name_u] (which happens to be my cat’s name, but that’s neither here nor there). It may be a sad truth, but it is there. 
I like the idea of testing out a name you’re not sure of in the “real world” before using it on a human.
2 Likes
People do not sexualise it for no reason, it is also a sexualised term. I agree that you should respect and accept everyone’s name, that’s not what I’m trying to say. but calling someone [name_f]Honey[/name_f] would make me feel awkward? Like, she’s a random coworker and I call her [name_f]Honey[/name_f], like I’d call my partner and kids.
Of course I’d respect her name and use it, but that still makes me feel uncomfortable.
2 Likes
Honey is a bit of a weird one both because it’s like constantly saying ‘my love’ or ‘my darling’ potentially to someone you don’t know very well, if you only use that term for your partner it might be unnerving. But it’s also a food, so it’s also weird for that reason. What have you got on your sandwiches today? Oh, I have honey.
2 Likes
It makes total sense to consider as many factors as possible when choosing a name. All points are valid for consideration. But should I avoid overly feminine names because other people think they are too frilly? [name_u]Or[/name_u] unisex names because they make people uncomfortable? [name_u]Or[/name_u] sweet names because they are considered non names or demeaning or too precious? [name_u]Or[/name_u] word names because they aren’t people names? [name_u]Or[/name_u] old fashioned names because people can only imagine it on an old person? [name_u]Or[/name_u] foreign sounding names because they will make people uncomfortable? [name_u]Or[/name_u] because its hard to spell or pronounce? I just don’t know where it stops. I don’t think its bad to point out that you don’t like a name because you can’t imagine it as a name or it has problems, that’s totally fine. But [name_f]Honey[/name_f] is not a special case.
people have different naming styles so to a certain extent no i don’t think you should worry about names being too frilly or unisex, or too sweet. I definitely think with exotic or unusual names if you love them go for it, other people should just learn them, it won’t take long, if you love the name that shouldn’t be a consideration. [name_f]Nor[/name_f] if it’s hard to spell or pronounce - unless dyslexia runs in your family and you think this is likely to be a big issue for the child itself.
I think the factors you should think about are names that are likely to get your child mocked or bullied - [name_m]Dick[/name_m] or [name_f]Corona[/name_f] for example. [name_u]Or[/name_u] like if you live in [name_f]France[/name_f] don’t give your child the name [name_f]Viola[/name_f] as it sounds like the word ‘raped’ - violé. [name_u]Or[/name_u] names that are offensive to certain cultural or ethnic groups i.e. [name_m]Cohen[/name_m].
I think [name_f]Honey[/name_f] is a special case, as we don’t have other terms of endearment that are names…[name_f]Darlene[/name_f] comes close, or [name_f]Darling[/name_f] if you use that, I guess [name_u]Love[/name_u] is becoming popular for a middle. There is the [name_u]French[/name_u] [name_f]Cherie[/name_f] or the welsh [name_f]Cariad[/name_f], but when you’re using a foreign term of endearment unless you’re in that country it’s less of an issue, because it’s not going to be something you’ll encounter on a daily basis.
If you really love [name_f]Honey[/name_f] more than any other girls’ name, by all means use it and don’t let anyone or anything stop you. However, it may be safer to go with [name_f]Honey[/name_f] as a nn for: [name_f]Hannah[/name_f]/Honna, [name_f]Melita[/name_f] (the greek for honey), Honning (danish), the variation of [name_f]Bryony[/name_f] - [name_f]Brihoney[/name_f], [name_f]Ahona[/name_f], [name_f]Honorah[/name_f], [name_f]Persephone[/name_f]
Sure, it probably is their job to get over it. But I don’t want the first step of others feeling comfortable saying my (or my kid’s) name to be “get over the internalized societal sexualization of the name.” So that’s why I don’t like [name_f]Honey[/name_f] and advise against it.
4 Likes