One of my best friends passed away 2.5 years ago after a 20 year battle with cancer. She was one of the most amazing people I have ever known. Both my DH and I like her name, [name_f]Holly[/name_f], and have thought about using it as a name for our daughter, due next month. We actually thought about using it for our first daughter, born a few months after my friend’s passing, but I wasn’t able to do it. We waited until her birth to name her, and I just didn’t feel like the name suited her. I don’t know if it was because I felt that the name belonged to my friend only, whether the loss was still too fresh, or whether our daughter just wasn’t a [name_f]Holly[/name_f], but it didn’t feel right.
I’m interested in hearing from anyone who named their child after someone who passed, or anyone who was named in honor of someone who had passed, especially a non-family member or someone who died young. I feel like this is a little different than naming someone after a grandparent or parent, because a grandparent or parent isn’t usually called by their first name.
I worry about the name being a bittersweet reminder to me or to others. Would I get over that? Would the name just be happy because it would be associated with a child I adore and a friend whose memory I cherish? Really, other people aren’t too much of a concern, since I don’t live anywhere near where my friend lived and I only have contact with her family and other friends infrequently via Facebook.
Thoughts? We are really struggling to find a name we both love.
I haven’t personally named any children, but I was named after my great-grandmother, who passed just a few weeks before my mother found out she was pregnant. I was supposed to be [name_f]Rebecca[/name_f], but my grandfather, at the last minute, asked my mother if she would feel comfortable considering his mother’s name, and it just fit. This isn’t someone who died young, and she was family member, but she did go by her name and not always a family nickname, so calling me by my name probably brought about some bittersweet feelings for some family members. I think bittersweet reminders are sometimes the best kind, because you wouldn’t have that little bit of bitterness if the person wasn’t truly special or important to you, and I think the bitter part fades away over time. I can appreciate, especially now that I’m older, how much love others had for her, and I love it when they tell me pieces of her shine through in me; it makes me like my name more than I might have otherwise, it makes me feel like it has some depth, a deeper connection to the past and to my great-grandmother.
I think using your friend’s name would be a very meaningful thing to do, and it works especially well if you like her name. I see in your signature that you plan on using [name_f]Louise[/name_f] as a middle - I think [name_f]Holly[/name_f] [name_f]Louise[/name_f] is very sweet. I think your daughter will appreciate the time you took and the love you put into choosing her name, and she’ll understand the honor behind it as she grows. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you weren’t related, you might still find pieces of your friend in your daughter and in the loving relationship you share, and that is a very powerful thing.
Well my aunt named her daughter after her friend though her friend was still very much alive and not terminally ill (not that I know off, that was 10 1/2 years ago). I say do it, if it feels right. You both like the name, and [name_f]Holly[/name_f] is pretty. [name_f]Holly[/name_f] [name_f]Louise[/name_f] is a beautiful name.
I would say to go for it if it fits the baby when she comes out and if it feels right for you to call her that. [name_f]Remember[/name_f] that you will be calling this thousands of times. So you have to decide that for yourself,and I am sure that you will have a living relationship with your second daughter anyways. Here is a touching article that I read and please red it when you have the time
I would maybe have a conversation with her family about it. Not sure if she has siblings, cousins, or something who may want to use her name in honor as well. The family might also think its such a great honor and blessing you would want to honor her this way. Having lost someone close to me recently, a family member, I think I wouldn’t want to be “surprised” about it afterwards is all.
A friend of mine honored his friend by using his name as a MN for his child. MN is always another option.
My best friend from childhood died our senior year of high school from cancer. I considered using her name but have not. I think it would be too hard on me and too sad a story for my daughter.
Thanks for your input. My friend was someone I met in graduate school…we stayed close friends for the next 10+ years, even though we lived on opposite coasts. However, I only ever met her mom twice, and her sister once, so I wouldn’t feel very comfortable asking for their thoughts. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you really think I should? I am considering asking her two best friends from childhood whether they’d be ok with it. I do message them sometimes on FB. We weren’t really friends before her death, but I have gotten to know them better since.
Yeah, I am worried about whether or not my daughter would feel it was sad/morbid to be named after someone who had passed away young. BUT, I think if I did name my daughter after my friend, I would really focus on my friend’s amazing qualities and how lucky I was to know her. I’d tell my daughter that I gave her my friend’s name in hopes that she would live her life as fully as my friend lived hers.
I’ve never been in this exact situation, but maybe it would alleviate some of the possibly sad connotations to use a variation of [name_f]Holly[/name_f], like [name_u]Hollis[/name_u]? Personally, I think it would be a lovely way to honor her. SO and I are expecting our first and we are honoring family in the MN slot, boy or girl – starting with family members who have passed away.
[name_m]Silas[/name_m]’ second middle is my father’s name. He died when I was young, due to addiction. He was a very troubled man and some things I later learned about him were very unpalatable. I struggled with whether it was right to use his name but I decided to honour the part of him that was a good father, and a creative, clever and very, very witty man. I feel like my son can carry that name and maybe live the kind of life that my father could have, had things been different, if he had a different start.
your situation is clearly different from this but what I am trying to say is that I don’t feel sad when I see the name, I don’t feel that it belongs to someone else, it doesnt feel morbid in any way.
I don’t think you need to ask her family unless you are very close with them and spend a lot of time with them. The only reason I see to do that is if they will see your child often and it may upset them or if they might use the name for a child who will be growing up/spending time with yours.
I would definitely use the name. I’ve never been in that situation, but I know of any of my good friends passed away would certainly be naming a child after them.