Naming dilemma

Name Advice
1

Desperately needing advice as this situation is driving me a little nuts & really complicating the whole naming process & taking all the fun out of it :woman_facepalming:t3:[name_f][/name_f] [name_f]Baby[/name_f] #3[name_f][/name_f] will be the first boy born into both sides of my family in over 13 years & I have 2 people (my uncle & my dad [name_f][/name_f]- opposite sides of the family) who both keep making nonstop comments/jokes about this baby being named after them. To make the situation more annoying they literally hate[name_f][/name_f] each other & I actually really dislike both their names [name_f][/name_f]- there’s nothing wrong with them but they’re super traditional & one is the most common baby names of all time, so really not my style.

[name_f][/name_f]

[name_f]My[/name_f] uncle is the only male role model I have, been the only ‘grandad’ my kids have really ever known & due to his age its extremely unlikely he’ll meet an ‘official’ grandchildren named after him. [name_f]My[/name_f] dad & I have had an extremely rocky relationship for 20+ years however things have begun to improve since mid ‘23 [name_f][/name_f]- his other children are now all beginning to have their own kids but so far have only had girls & while there are girl versions of both his FN & MN neither chose to use them, so apparently it falls on me.

[name_f][/name_f]

I can’t just use both as MN’s either as I promised my kids they could pick a MN & they’ve already picked one that they love. I’m not willing to have 3 MN’s nor do I want to use one of their names as a FN (even though I dislike it) & use the other as a middle name as I know that will also just cause upset to whoever’s in the MN spot.

[name_f][/name_f]

Any ideas? :tired_face:

2

The way I see it, you have two options!

[name_f][/name_f]

A) You don’t use an honour name at all, so no one feels specifically left out. [name_m]Say[/name_m] you just wanted to choose a name you love the sound of and it’s not that deep.

[name_f][/name_f]

B) Use your uncle’s name. It’s great that your father is back in your life, but I wouldn’t confidently name my child after someone who I had such [name_f][/name_f] a rocky relationship with until very recently. Meanwhile, from how you describe it, your uncle seems to be a stable positive influence in your life. If you truly want to honour him, I think it’d be a sweet thing to do and your father is in no position to get upset over that.

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Ahhh this is a lot bless you!

[name_f][/name_f]

I have to say though I completely agree with @tallemaja[name_f][/name_f] and I couldn’t have worded it better myself.

[name_f][/name_f]

Wishing you all the best :yellow_heart:

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4

I would proceed with naming your son as if you weren’t receiving comments from these two family members. Would you still be considering either option if you weren’t feeling pressured?

[name_f][/name_f]

It sounds to me that it’s overly complicating your naming process and whether it’s due to the situation or the names themselves – using either name is not working for you. When the stress or issues of using an honour name outweigh the enjoyment or value you get from using the honour name, you’re at the point of letting it go.

[name_f][/name_f]

It sounds like using an honour name has become a burden. Instead of using a names to show your uncle his importance in your lives, I would consider other ways you could demonstrate that. For instance, taking some photos together with your son and getting them framed for him.

[name_f][/name_f]

I wish you all the best with your decision!

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5

I’ll throw out another idea, if you’d like to honour them without using their names. What about a name that means father to honour both your father figure and your dad (or a names that means uncle, if you prefer to focus only on him)? I don’t really know your naming style, but it sounds like you prefer more unique names. Here are some names that mean father that I found to be unique and cool. (All sourced from the advanced search function on Nameberry.)

Abbott (“father”)
Artan (“little bear; golden; little father”)
Avi ("father)
Axel (“father of peace”, kind of cool in that you’re establishing a peaceful relationship with your father now, something you’ve already had with your uncle)
Eviatar (“my father is great”)
Liav (“my father”)
Rami (“wise protector; father of multitudes; archer; pleasing”)

Also:
Eames (“son of the uncle”)
Zio (“uncle”)

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6

I love using honor middles, but in this case I would honestly skip the stress and not use an honor name at all.
[name_f][/name_f]You shouldn’t feel pressured to name your child after someone.
[name_f][/name_f]If letting your kids pick the middle name is important to you, and you don’t want either name as a first then it seems it’s already settled.

[name_f][/name_f]

Congratulations and best of luck! I’m sorry this is taking all the fun out of naming for you. I say take the fun back.

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7

Ultimately, I say go with what you want! I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to factor in their emotions/opinions – is there anyone you[name_f][/name_f] would like to honor? If not, then don’t. If you’d like to only honor your uncle, then do that (and vice versa). At the end of the day, this baby is yours, and hearing others’ opinions might sway your wishes and lead to name regret. Don’t let anybody pressure you!

[name_f][/name_f]

Best of luck!

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8

I agree with the thoughtful suggestions you have received and I’m sorry you are dealing with this stress. I have one thing to add and that is to avoid any discussion with family considering names you may be considering as you will probably receive unsolicited opinions which would not be fair to you. If the topic is brought up I would just say that you are keeping the name a secret until baby boy arrives. Hopefully you receive the guidance you need from Berries who can deliver their best opinions without the baggage of family. Wishing you the very best in your naming journey!

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9

[name_m]Just[/name_m] pick a name you like

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Sorry, that sounds really rough! [name_f][/name_f] [name_f]Do[/name_f] you[name_f][/name_f] want to honor either one of them? [name_f][/name_f] Like others have said, if you’re not really wanting to honor them, I think you should just go with a name you like. [name_f][/name_f] It’s already special that baby’s older siblings chose a name they love for baby, but you don’t like either of their names and their contentious relationship would make me hesitate to go near honoring either of them at all. [name_f][/name_f] But if you’d like to honor them, is there a way you could honor them outside of their names that would be special for each of them? [name_f][/name_f] Like if their names are [name_m]Jack[/name_m] & [name_m]Michael[/name_m], maybe something like [name_m]Mac[/name_m] as a middle? [name_f][/name_f] [name_m]Or[/name_m] I used to love [name_f]Wren[/name_f] for my bird-loving grandma and my mom whose name ends in -ren. [name_f][/name_f] Is there a name like that that could work for both of them, or they would only be satisfied with you using the direct name?

[name_f][/name_f]

Good luck! [name_f][/name_f] :heart:

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I agree with the first poster [name_f][/name_f]- either don’t go with an honor name at all, or use your uncle’s name.
[name_f][/name_f]It is so inappropriate when people demand/request that parents name their child in a certain, specific way. All the more awkward when they want you to name in honor of themselves.

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12

That sounds really difficult and stressful. I think that pregnancy can be stressful enough so you should pick a first name you love and pair it with the middle name your kids have picked out. The name will have tons of meaning for you and no one’s feelings will be unintentionally hurt

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13

Okay, brutally honest answer, which is very easy for me to give when outside the situation but I just wouldn’t honour either.

If you honour you uncle, that might cause upset with your dad in a relationship you’re still rebuilding.

If you honour you dad, that may well feel like a bit of a punch in the gut to the uncle who has been there for you.

Either way, there could be upset - and I know not using either name might cause a bit of disappointment, but I think that would be easier to get over than if you try to choose between them.

So, I guess I would focus on either:

  • finding some name that merges both of theirs
  • finding a name that represents a quality you admire in both of them
  • finding a name you love, and just going with that

it honestly doesn’t. I don’t think you need to feel obliged - you’re giving them a nephew/grandson - that’s huge in itself.

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14

Thanks everyone, I honestly appreciate all the replies :heart:

[name_f][/name_f]

The more I think about it the more I’m leaning towards not honouring either. While my uncle would be my first choice if I was going to @Greyblue[name_f][/name_f] hit the nail on the head with my thought process of if I honour my uncle it could cause problems with the relationship I’m rebuilding with my dad (& while he doesn’t deserve anywhere near the same respect as my uncle I dont want to go backwards either), equally it would definitely be gut punch to my uncle if I chose to honour my dad.

[name_f][/name_f]

I’m wondering if I can get out of honouring either & save myself the stress by just continuing to remind them that the kids are picking this baby’s MN & shutting down any further conversations, or looking more into @LoloTen[name_f][/name_f] idea of finding a name I like that means something that honours both :blush:

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[name_f]Honor[/name_f] the uncle whom you treasure.

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[name_f][/name_f]

This seems like a great solution [name_f][/name_f]- and a good way to avoid any misplaced disappointment [name_f][/name_f]- kids are choosing the middle, whatever they pick it will be :slight_smile:

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I don’t have much to add. I agree with everything that’s been said and I’m deeply sorry that this beautiful phase is becoming stressful due to unnecessary stress.

[name_f][/name_f]

I’m a big supporter of the idea that every family member should have their own identity. Honors can be wonderful if they arise from the parents’ preference and aren’t forced. I believe parents should only select honor names if they truly love that idea and the original name (if they want to use the exact name). [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you deeply adore someone, that doesn’t mean their name enchants you and you wish to use it for you baby. I believe that is easily understandable.

[name_f][/name_f]

In your situation, honestly, I would probably skip the honor names. If you dislike your uncle’s and your father’s names, please don’t use them! Since the siblings will choose the middle name, the first name should be something you truly admire and are proud of. If, by chance, your favorite name happens to honor a family member in some way, great! If not, there are other ways to express respect and love for someone besides registering a certain name on the birth certificate.

[name_f][/name_f]

You could perhaps consider an indirect tribute that is meaningful to you and, by extension, to other family members. For example, a name inspired by a family surname, their birthdays, nicknames, the name of a place where you lived or vacationed, a favorite song, a movie you always watch together, a secret recipe that you enjoy on holidays, or a virtue that captures the essence of your loved ones.

[name_f][/name_f]

I love @LoloTen’s suggestion. There are some nice names that mean “father,” “son,” or “descendant” that you might like. Simultaneously, you would be honoring you baby’s father, yourself and/or other family members with some of them. A few examples are:
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Abiel[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Abner[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Attila[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Barnabas[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Benjamin[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Fitz[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Hiram[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Joab[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Jove[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Jovian[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Jupiter[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_f]Kindred[/name_f]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Leif[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Leonidas[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Mack[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Olaf[/name_m]
[name_f][/name_f][name_m]Ulrich[/name_m]

[name_f][/name_f]

Perhaps you could even find names with similar meanings that don’t seem like direct honors and reveal the inspiration behind your choice only to the person in question, to avoid potential conflicts. Sometimes, by using the same letters, you can also create entirely different names. For example, [name_m]Leon[/name_m] to honor [name_m]Noel[/name_m] or [name_m]Mitch[/name_m] to honor [name_m]Smith[/name_m]. Another alternative is opting for a family surname. That option could allow you to honor multiple family members at once.

[name_f][/name_f]

Whatever path you choose, your preferences and peace of mind are what matter most! This is your baby, and the final decision should be yours. Don’t choose a name because you feel pressured, no matter how much you care for someone. These situations often lead to regrets and that’s not good.

[name_f][/name_f]

I wish you good luck with everything!
[name_f][/name_f]I hope you find the best solution as soon as possible.

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18

[name_f]My[/name_f] family have never bothered with honour names. I suggest you don’t either. I have never really seen the point. A child is an individual and as such, deserves their own name and their own identity. Choose whatever it is you want to name your child, and simply explain that you’ve promised your children the honour of choosing this child’s middle name. You are entitled to name your child whatever you like, without any guilt at all.

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