[name]Hi[/name] all,
I am 29 weeks pregnant and only 17 days ago i found out i was actually carrying twins. While this news is a delight and we are excited it has caused me a great deal of anxiety.
Finding out so late made me feel so unprepared and also made me immediately start to stress about almost everything.
I would love to get some advice on how fellow mum’s have dealt with anxiety during pregnancy.
Its not the fact that it is twins its just the surprise/shock of it thats all. [name]Ive[/name] always wanted a big family and i am a qualified teacher so I’ve always loved children and working with them and raising a family has always been a true love, interest and passion of mine. Twins runs in my mothers side of the family so as a young girl i always dreamed of having twins, as I’m sure plenty of girls do so i am truly delighted.
Not only do i feel this anxiety but i am pretty annoyed with my OB/GYN because i can’t figure out just how they managed to miss this, having been to several appointments/scans/checkups, I’ve always been one of those patients who are happy to have student doctors work with me (as long as my doctor is present) having been a student teacher i recognize the importance of hands-on experience but now I’m regretting this decision thinking it was due to lack of knowledge. Sorry i know thats a bit of an over share but just had to let it out.
But back to my original question, ideas for how to deal with anxiety during pregnancy would be much appreciated.
Thank you.
During my pregnancies, I had some blood pressure issues. Kind of hovering near “high”, but not high enough to need medication, just high enough to need to keep a close watch on it. With [name]Veda[/name], I had an ultrasound about every 3 wks, and once I got towards about 30 wks, it was closer to every 2wks. If your bp is high, it can affect the blood flow through to the placenta, and the blood flow through the umbilical cord to the baby, resulting in growth restriction. [name]Both[/name] my girls were fine, but I was stressed the whole time. I felt like I wasn’t “one of those women who finds pregnancy easy.” …Maybe they don’t actually exist.
As for how to deal with anxiety, I talked to my hubby about how I was feeling. I asked him to comfort me when I was upset and told him that I just needed to hear that the baby was going to be fine. [name]Even[/name] though I knew he was going to say, “our baby is going to be ok” (etc), it was still good to hear it. So talk, talk, talk to your SO, to a friend, to your mom.
I would also suggest that you talk to your OB/GYN about missing the twins. She may be able to explain why it happened, or apologize. I’m with you on allowing the students to participate. Towards the end of my labour with [name]Willow[/name], I asked for an epidural. The resident anesthesiologist came to do it. He asked if that was ok, I just wanted it done, so I didn’t care. Before he was finished (it seemed to take him quite a while), I had to push, but since I wasn’t supposed to move, I didn’t say anything and just let him finish. As soon as he was done, I told them I had to push, and she was out before the epidural kicked in!
Take it one day at a time. When you start to feel overwhelmed about something, force yourself to take a break. …go get a drink, take a short walk, take a bath etc. [name]Do[/name] something for yourself. It [name]WILL[/name] be ok.
First, I think you should absolutely bring up your concerns with your doctor. Since I don’t know the specifics of when you had your scans, who did them, etc., I can’t make comments on how the twins were missed for so long, but I would personally be concerned. If it was an ultrasound tech who did your scans, I wouldn’t hold it against your doctor.
It is very easy to miss a second heart beat on a Doppler, because as long as the scan says there’s only one baby, they’re really only listening for the baby’s heart and yours. Once they find one baby, there’d be no reason to listen for another. The umbilical cord also produces it’s own beat (though an experienced doc can tell the difference), plus there can be an echo of sorts, so quite often they’re used to hearing “two” heartbeats.
As for dealing with anxiety - I can only tell you to take things one day at a time, and to remember that there’s pretty much nothing you need, besides car seats and places to sleep, that can’t be purchased after the babies arrive. Yes, as a first time mom, I know you think you have to have absolutely everything in place before their arrival, and your nesting instincts are quite strong, but let me tell you that much of what you’ll need you won’t know until after they’re here. And, so much of what you thought you had to have could be gone and you’d never miss it.
So often people are so anxious about getting the babies out so they “can see them,” but I see it in a completely different way. Once they’re born, they’ll be with you the rest of your life. Until then, enjoy this last little bit of freedom, and find comfort in the knowledge that they are currently cozy and warm in the safest and most comfortable place they’ll ever experience in their entire lives. Good luck!
Thank you for your responses, very sweet!
Great advice about talking more with my doctor, your dead right.
I just have to try not work myself in a frenzy, i tend to blow small things out of proportion, so instead I’m trying to just talk about these things when their still small with my husband before i work myself up.
For me, actually educating myself on what exactly I am anxious about really has helped me now and in the past. I remember being so worried about birth with my oldest, so I educated myself the best i could to prepare. When being anxious about having 2 close in age (my oldest 2 are 19 months apart) I talked to other moms I trusted about the ins and outs of having kids under 2 years apart. Now as this is honestly my first time being anxious in a while (I lost my son [name]Felix[/name] at 21 weeks) I read positive stories of healthy babies born after loss, statistics of having 2 2nd trimester losses in a row (odds in my favor) and most of all with all my worries I had while pregnant now and in the past, realize that I can up the odds of a healthy child at the end of a pregnancy but I cannot control everything and I need to be open and accepting of the unknowns that may come up and adapt and/or begin the journey of the “New normal” when handling any news that is out of my control. And accepting and moving forward even if things are not as I had pictured really helped me in so many ways. (For this I am speaking of my healthy pregnancies, like having a baby born 1 month before my one year wedding anniversary, or realizing my first two will be 19 months apart, or getting pregnant during my husbands stressful last year of graduate school etc)
I have friends who have had great luck with anti anxiety meds. I myself have never taken them when pregnant but certainly I do feel there is a time and a place for these just as a pregnant mother may need progesterone, medication to help her gestational diabetes or any other condition that comes up during pregnancy. Weighing the pros and the cons of course, as all mothers do. I agree with the pp, accupuncture is amazing when pregnant, and massages do wonders for your physical and mental well being. I mentioned recently on another thread that nationwide tthere is an organization of mothers of multiples, perhaps find a local chapter or message board specifically for twin moms. I bet just talking to others who have been through the “surprise, its twins!” diagnosis followed by raising them will be great comfort. Hang in there, being a mother is a very rewarding job, but one without an instruction manuel. But still, being proactive and learning and growing will make the ride go much smoother. <3
I am an anxious and kind of high strung person who actually always figured I would just foster or adopt to avoid all of the anxiety a pregnancy would cause me! Well, I randomly changed my mind and decided to ttc just once, just for fun…and was immediately pregnant!
My response to my anxiety was to not read anything at all about pregnancy, not make a birth plan, I took a class at my hospital that taught me the general info/techniques and avoided any other literature on the subkect at all costs! I just knew it would overwhelm me. For me the key was letting go and letting it happen to me, cause childbirth was going to happen. I had to realize I had no control!