My in-laws and my mother have asked Hubs and I to use family names on our children when we have them however neither of us really want to use family names. Hubs is one of 8 and 15 of the 16 names his parents have picked are family names.
Last time Hubs talked to his father it was brought up and when Hubs said we didn’t want to use any family names FIL threw a fit and said that we needed to continue the tradition and not ignore their family.
Plus my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] texted me today asking what we were going to name her grandbabies since we weren’t giving them real names and that she wants input.
We’re still 6-8 away from TTC. I feel like they’ve had their turn to name children. Hubs and I are afraid that if we don’t pick something they approve off then they’ll just call our children by whatever nickname they choose the same way they’ve done to nieces/nephews.
First of all, I’m sorry they are making such a big deal out of it. My brother and father were very opinionated about my daughter’s name for other reasons. Its not fun arguing about it constantly.
There are a couple things you could do. First, you could ignore them and just name the kids whatever you want. If they ask about names, just say you aren’t decided yet or you want to see him/her first. Or that you don’t want to talk about names until you are actually pregnant.
Another thing you could do is use a family name only as a middle name. Or you could take the original name and change it to something you like. For example, my grandfather is [name_m]Joseph[/name_m]. I want to name my next child after him whether it is a boy or a girl. For a boy, we will use either [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] or [name_m]Joel[/name_m] as the middle, and for a girl we will use [name_f]Josefina[/name_f]. You could take one of the family names and make it more modern sounding.
[name_f]Hope[/name_f] this helps.
jenni_lynn91 has some solid advice. Especially if there’s that many family members, you can use names as inspiration and combine/change things as you want. Maybe pursue a family tree and see if anything you like comes up?
My grandparents weren’t stoked about my older brother’s name and wanted to call him by a nickname, but my parents shut that down pretty quick. My parents also did not tell anyone what they were naming us until we were born and the names were on birth certificates. Keeping it to yourselves should cut down on a lot of bickering and attempts at swaying you.
They have definitely had their chance to name kids, and you should tell them that if it continues to be an issue. This is your child and you have every right to name them whatever you choose – hopefully the family will simmer down once there’s an actual adorable baby present and accounted for.
What a shame that they’re kicking up such a fuss! And pestering you about names before you’re even TTC too!
I personally think you should go ahead and name your children whatever you want to name them. I don’t think your in-laws have any right to insist that you use family names, and I don’t think you should feel obliged to find names you like based on family names either, unless you happen to really like something with a link to family. If none of the family names do it for you, I think you’re quite within your rights to give your child an unrelated name that you love. It’s your prerogative as a parent, and your in-laws have had that chance and made the decision they wanted to make.
I agree with the pps: maybe don’t reveal what names you are using until they are actually legally official. Then there’s not a lot anyone can do. If the in-laws insist on calling them something different at that point then there’s not a lot you can do (though that is unbelievably petty!), but at least your children’s legal names and the names they use everywhere and with everyone else will be the ones you chose.
Well they sound like a lovely pair of people…
I know that lying is not ideal, but perhaps as an appeasement once you chose a name you love you can tell them it is an honor-name (i.e “yes, we chose [name_f]Daphne[/name_f] [name_u]Rue[/name_u] to honor her uncle [name_m]Daniel[/name_m] with the initial D and my great aunt [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Ann[/name_f] by choosing a three letter middle name.”) Until then, just say you’ll seriously consider it, but you haven’t made any naming decisions as you are not pregnant yet, and that the pressure is not speeding things up.
Thanks everyone. I’ve considered not sharing the gender since both of our families have gender stereotypes that we don’t want pushed at us before the baby would even be born. That would eliminate the need for sharing a name.
They’ve pestered us enough that we’ve considered dropping names that even come close to family names. [name_m]Henry[/name_m] was a favorite one time but [name_m]Harry[/name_m] has been used for generations so we won’t use it. Hubs has a cousin who they only call Bub and another they call by his initials and they’re the only ones do it. His mom snooped through MY family tree for names she likes since she’s genealogy nerd. That was an awkward conversation.
[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t get me wrong, my mom champions her own picks too but when we tell her no she drops it for a few months.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going to be facing this type of challenge. My advice is ditto to pp’s in that I suggest that you do not discuss names with either side of your family, and just say that you are considering several names and will announce the names when baby is born. End of discussion. They named their children and now this child will be yours to name. All the best!