For my newest project i’ve decided to add a prologue with the hope it will make more sense but something seems off about how it’s written any ideas?
[name_f][/name_f]
“Look for the girl!” He shouted. 9 months of searching and still, nothing. He was sick and tired of waiting. In fact, he was sick and tired. Looking for this girl would take everything he’d got.
[name_f][/name_f]“But sir… y-y-you said that we could go home in a month. last month!” A searcher said
[name_f][/name_f]“I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID! LOOK FOR THE GIRL!!” He shouted infuriated by the searcher.
[name_f][/name_f]“Okay sir.” the searcher said
[name_f][/name_f]“And you will not rest till the girl is found and safely returned in my wife’s arms. You hear me?!” He asked his crew.
[name_f][/name_f]“Yes sir. Right away.” The guards grumbled. He was furious! If he couldn’t get his hands on the girl before the end of the month, who knows what would happen.
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some ideas (take or leave them as you wish):
[name_f][/name_f]
[name_f][/name_f]- it’s very short for a prologue. im personally of the opinion that prologues can be helpful/necessary but they need to justify their existence by including a scene or information that simply can’t be naturally revealed within the story. admittedly, I dont know enough about the story to know if this prologue has justified its existence, so I’ll default to your feelings that one would help the project make more sense. however, at the moment, all im learning from the prologue is that someone has been searching for his daughter for 9 months, which is information I think could be summed up in narrative in a single line of dialogue. so to make this prologue earn its keep, I think it needs to be bulked up in its content.
[name_f][/name_f]- there are very few specifics within the prose so far. I don’t know the names of any of the characters, the setting, the relationship between the characters, or the circumstances surrounding the search. prologue or not, the early pages of a story are so important for world building, character introductions, and setting up the narrative. a writing professor of mine described it as the reader being like a duckling hatching into your world—they need a way to ground themself, to make sense of what’s going on around them. they will often imprint on the first character they’re introduced to, so it’s nice if that first character is important. they need to know where they are as well, whether that’s a medieval fantasy kingdom with dragons or a Starbucks in [name_f]Topeka[/name_f].
[name_f][/name_f]- im very curious about the environment, in particular. especially since the characters so far are so interconnected with the environment through their search, knowing more about where they are would help tremendously with connecting with them and their plight. it would also set the stakes for everyone. there’s a much different sense of urgency if they’re searching in a jungle filled with hungry panthers than if they’re searching in a field of candy canes. that way, I don’t need to know where the girl is or why she’s missing to be concerned for her. id also understand where the searchers are coming from when they protest about continuing the search.
[name_f][/name_f]- you’re doing a lot of telling so far and there are places where you could easily add descriptions. instead of “he was furious” you can show what that emotion looks like. is he clenching his fists? rolling his eyes? scowling? grumbling under his breath? this could offer insight into why he’s furious too, on a deeper level. yes, he wants to be done searching, but why? has he been away from his family this whole time? has the search been dangerous, leaving him injured or ill? was he only being paid for 8 months so now that it’s gone to 9, he’s losing money?
[name_f][/name_f]- the dialogue feels purposely vague—unnatural. after 9 months, I would expect that the directions would be much more specific than “look for the girl.” obviously, they’re looking for the girl. by this point, they probably wouldn’t call her “the girl” though because they’d probably know her by name. instead of such a vague order, maybe he’s delegating new places to search, and the searchers are realizing that this means they will be working for much longer.
[name_f][/name_f]- were the searchers hired by someone to look for the girl? if so, do they have contracts which specify how long they would be working? just a thought—the guards/searchers feel a bit like goons who lack personal motivations, and that’s generally something to avoid.
[name_f][/name_f]
[name_f][/name_f]
I keep coming back to my first point when thinking about ways to improve this. I think nailing down specifically what you want to accomplish with the prologue can help guide where you go next with it.
[name_f][/name_f]
good luck!
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Thank you! I will definitely take bits and pieces of your advice. Looking back at the prologue I was most definitely a bit sleep deprived when I wrote it! The help is much appreciated!
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