I agree totally with this, as many others do! NB is a place where you can come to get constructive criticism. If you ask for opinions on names, you should be aware that not everybody will like your choices. However, you’re more than likely to be given other names to consider!
Great post [name]Belle[/name]!
Thank you darhling!
Blessings,
[name]Bella[/name] <3
It should be compulsory to read this, before you’re allowed to make your first post.
It’s so well thought-out and nicely worded. There’s thoughts and heart in it, well done.
I’m guilty of doing everything you mentioned and I hope that through reflecting on my behaviour (due to your lovely post) I will become better and more helpful.
One thing in my defense though: when I’m asked for my opinion I’ll give it and I feel guilty saying “I hate this name”, but it’s for the baby’s best, or so I thought. You have set the record straight there and I have taken the hint :]
I will try and better myself thanks to you, so consider this a good deed done ;]
I guess everyone uses this site for different things. If I post a list on a baby name message board, it is because I truly want HONEST critique. I may still use a name everyone hates, but I would at least like to go in KNOWING that everyone hates it. If I want validation I will consult family or friends. Maybe we should make clear on our posts whether we are seeking honest critique or just validation. That may clear up any mix-ups.
Oh, my goodness! Thank you so much, I am guilty, guilty, guilty as well and am glad this discussion has brought out so many opinions, this way everyone can see everyone is different here.
Blessings,
[name]Bella[/name] <3
Oh, of course it will be critiqued, but I think we can always up the anty on how well we critique and how we condsider other peoples names as a whole. I hope you will re-read the post with that in mind, I don’t mean to offend, or confuse anyone.
Blessings,
[name]Bella[/name] <3
Oh, of course it will be critiqued, but I think we can always up the anty on how well we critique and how we condsider other peoples names as a whole. I hope you will re-read the post with that in mind, I don’t mean to offend, or confuse anyone.
Blessings,
[name]Bella[/name] <3[/quote]
[name]Hi[/name] [name]Bella[/name]!
I’m not confused or offended. I just wrote that so that people would make clear what kind of critique or validation they want. See, I LIKE it when people are harsh and very honest if they don’t like something, so I would hate it if people tip-toed around MY posts trying to be nice. It would ruin it for me if people weren’t honest because they were afraid to hurt my feelings. I want real opinions, good or bad or completely awful. But if someone wants a less harsh critique I would like to know upfront so as not to offend anyone (and I’m sorry if I have.) I’m just saying we all have different reasons for posting, so if it was made clear from the get-go that would be helpful.
=)
My feeling is that common sense and tact go a long way. For instance, I wouldn’t hop on here just to tell someone that their choice of name made me want to throw up or proved they were a complete moron. But I wouldn’t hesitate (and wouldn’t expect others to hesitate) to bluntly say whether a name honestly appeals, whether it’s boring, ‘too out there’, or whether there’s some weird association phonetically or culturally that one may want to consider. Also if a spelling seems like it’s off, I don’t see the big deal about saying so. My favorite names (and the names of my actual children, incidentally), have been both praised and given the thumbs down by people on this site every week. It doesn’t really hurt my feelings when someone I don’t know from boo says, ‘that name isn’t for me’, or ‘that seems old ladyish’, or ‘that’s just an ugly name–it reminds me of a girl with a wart on her nose’. So many people and so many opinions. I come to this site because I’m interested in what people’s perceptions of different names are, (honest perceptions), and why they feel that way. It doesn’t make me feel like my precious child is being dehumanized because someone out there on the web doesn’t happen to share my aesthetic. If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t ask, I guess.
Maybe I’ve missed the comments that inspired this original post–where people said some very personally wounding things. I’ve seen a few posts that seemed to stray a little ‘off topic’. But as for name talk, based on what I’ve read, I think most people on this site are rather respectful and intelligent in their commentary… but I do value the honesty. I don’t care if someone writes a paragraph on a name or a simple ‘like’ ‘hate’ or ‘eh’. I put that down to everyone having a different way of communicating info. If I’m genuinely curious how a name strikes the faceless masses, this is the place to come.
Oh, of course it will be critiqued, but I think we can always up the anty on how well we critique and how we condsider other peoples names as a whole. I hope you will re-read the post with that in mind, I don’t mean to offend, or confuse anyone.
Blessings,
[name]Bella[/name] <3[/quote]
[name]Hi[/name] [name]Bella[/name]!
I’m not confused or offended. I just wrote that so that people would make clear what kind of critique or validation they want. See, I LIKE it when people are harsh and very honest if they don’t like something, so I would hate it if people tip-toed around MY posts trying to be nice. It would ruin it for me if people weren’t honest because they were afraid to hurt my feelings. I want real opinions, good or bad or completely awful. But if someone wants a less harsh critique I would like to know upfront so as not to offend anyone (and I’m sorry if I have.) I’m just saying we all have different reasons for posting, so if it was made clear from the get-go that would be helpful.
=)[/quote]
A very good point, sometimes I think we should have a NB creed 
The posts weren’t any specific, this wasn’t written in anger, I did “research” before I wrote
Sometimes I fear that the facelessness gets in our way, and I think if we pride ourselves on being the best we should strive to make the best comments, I was just hoping to up the morale, so to speak and hoped to get a good varied discussion going.
[name]Both[/name] of which I think have been achieved!
Hooray
Blessings,
[name]Bella[/name] <3
Definitely…I think facelessness does give people a lot of room to be obnoxious on the web in general. I guess my point was, I haven’t seen so much of that sort of thing on this particular site. Of course, I think it’s to be expected that everyone has different levels of sensitivity to the sort of comments being made here, or anywhere. I wasn’t attacking your post so much as just having missed, I suppose, what might have inspired it, (specific or general) in my (so far not all that extensive) viewing of the nameberry site. It’s certainly important to consider the feelings of the person on the other end, as in all things. I suppose it’s just hard to know how blunt comments will be taken sometimes, too—since we don’t have any ability to gauge the personalities of the people we’re talking to here. It seems like some people really want the bluntness (or even harshness) more than others, for the purpose of making their decisions…
“we don’t have any ability to gauge the personalities of the people we’re talking to here”
I couldn’t have said it better myself! 
[name]Bella[/name] <3
“we don’t have any ability to gauge the personalities of the people we’re talking to here”
I couldn’t have said it better myself!
[name]Bella[/name] <3[/quote]
I guess the issue is that it takes some time to get a sense of the expectations of the person (and the personality) you’re dealing with. Unfortunately, unless we spend a lot of time going back and forth and getting to know who’s who here, that level of nuance is kind of hard to achieve online, especially for most peoples’ purposes. For instance, after reading your longer post, I would assume you to be a sensitive person striving to raise the level of discourse, who would appreciate a gentle critique, and I would try to respond accordingly. But if you just posted your name list, I might assume you’d be fine with a quick and dirty kind of run down ‘yes/no/like’hate’. Personally, I always get a chuckle out of people saying things like, ‘that sounds like a fat name to me’, or ‘that’s a prostitute’s name’—I just LIKE knowing those more personal associations–sometimes they’re too specific and irrelevant (like, “I had a third grade teacher I hated with that name…”), but lots of times there is some broader reason out there in the water supply that such a snarky comment points to. Granted I probably I have to have a thick skin when it comes to rude name snark, since my husband is always vetoing my favorites with such cruel one liners:)
One thing for all of us to keep in mind is that any name is always cuter on a real live kid.
This is such a beautiful post! I think that, because we all love names and tend to like similar types of names, it’s easy to forget that everyone is different. What really jazzes one person will be ‘bleh’ to another - but to actually [name]SAY[/name] ‘bleh’ is, well, a little mean. Like spotlightstarlit said, that name is special enough to someone that they included it on their list and considered it for their child, and that deserves nicer manners. Sure, you can give your opinion, but give it nicely! And remember that everyone has different tastes and there may be a name YOU like that everyone else hates - wouldn’t you prefer them to be nice about it?
Let’s respect people who are different from us. 
Well said, [name]Amen[/name] to that!!! I have been searching these boards for a long time and I consider myself a nameberry even though I dont have the same tastes as many, did everyone hear that, not all nameberries like the same thing, and it doesnt make me any less of value on this board. Yes I can like a popular name or a unisex name and I am still educated on names, can we embrace that everyone has different tastes in names, we dont all have to like the same thing in order to be a part of this board.
Its overdue for alot of members on this forum to start being considerate of the moms and expectant moms who have beautiful kids that have these names. [name]Every[/name] single name I have searched on these message boards has had something negative and mean written about it and I have researched alot of names. I think that these boards are really bad for moms, because names are getting destroyed!!! And then we wonder what all this namers remorse is about. Too much pressure to get the perfect name. Constructive critism is one thing, and pure hate bashing on names is another…unfortunately its the latter that I see the most of.
Therefore I guess its up to people to try and do the right thing, if you see something mean or hateful or a comment that is hurtful or that could destroy a name for a mom or an expectant mom, then please try and do something. I personally think that the founders of this board need to take action.
Also consider this, a point which my husband just made, he said, what happens when a 7yr old or even older child gets on that website looking up their name and reads all the mean things written about their name…that child will hate their name and feel really, really bad, their name could be forever destroyed for them. Nameberries need to consider this when they are typing away on their computers that their are REAL people that possess these names, children with feelings, children who are living in the day and age of the internet and are most likely going to read this stuff. So please think before you type.
I guess I just don’t see where “hate bashing” is happening.
The whole point of the “naming revolution” which [name]Pam[/name] and [name]Linda[/name] helped to shepherd in is the realization that naming doesn’t exist in a vacuum. In an increasingly connected and globalized world, a person’s name is much more than a collection of sounds. In order to understand the cultural and social ramifications of certain names, you have to make judgements about them. In their books, the founders of this website have called [name]Sybil[/name] “dowdy,” Margeaux “too pretentious even for the soaps,” and said that [name]Bennett[/name] and [name]Bentley[/name] appeal to snobs. I don’t think that they were “hate bashing” these names, but letting people know what kind of impressions these names are up against. As I said before, I’m not advocating name-calling or outright meanness, but I haven’t seen that. I have seen people give their honest opinions, which is what they were asked to do. If people don’t want to hear anything negative about a name that they like, they should go grab their copy of 1,000,005 Amazing [name]Baby[/name] Names, pick one that has a nice sound, and be done with it.
I agree with this. But again, it’s all so subjective when it comes to what’s ‘rude’. If ‘bleh’ is hurtful to someone out there, then it’s hurtful to them. I guess I just wouldn’t go posting my name list on a board like this if I didn’t want to hear a possible ‘bleh’ or a ‘that sounds dowdy’! It’s not a support group—it’s a place for name critique, discussion of cultural associations, aesthetics (or so I thought). Granted, some people are totally uncomfortable hearing anyone’s opinions on names near and dear to their heart before the baby’s birth—so they don’t tell anyone the name, and then once the kid has arrived, no one’s going to critique it. I rarely see anyone here offer anything but ‘beautiful name’ in response to actual birth announcements. We’re all writing little reviews of names and lists here–and reviews are only interesting or relevant if they are allowed to be positive or negative…kind of hard to be super polite and honest at the same time, I guess.
"Also consider this, a point which my husband just made, he said, what happens when a 7yr old or even older child gets on that website looking up their name and reads all the mean things written about their name…that child will hate their name and feel really, really bad, their name could be forever destroyed for them. "
As for this, I see what you’re saying, but I mean, my daughter is [name]Beatrice[/name] and all the books in the [name]Junie[/name] B. [name]Jones[/name] series (quite popular for little girls!) starts with [name]Junie[/name] maligning her middle name of [name]Beatrice[/name]…there is no real way to protect your kid from hearing, eventually, that someone probably doesn’t like their name. A lot of people dislike my name, and I’ve turned out just fine, and I don’t feel like my name has been ‘forever destroyed’, it’s been a rather minor lesson to me in subjectivity and the variety of aesthetics and opinions that exist out there. Our kids do have to live in the world… Of course, I would probably hesitate from posting my kid’s full name (first middle last), because who wants their kid to be searchable that way… but just finding out that say, someone on the internet 7 or 10 years ago disliked their name of [name]Fred[/name] on nameberry—honestly, I [name]HOPE[/name] that’s the most damaging thing my kid ever has to encounter! We can’t control every opinion spoken by every person out there, and I would hope part of a healthy world view would be letting some of these other opinions not impact our psyches so drastically…
I haven’t posted on this thread yet but I’ve been meaning to. [name]Major[/name] props to you, [name]Bella[/name], for starting this. I’m totally with you. Nameberry is a wonderful “place” on the internet. There’s not a lot of mindless name bashing like you might find other places. However, I completely agree with whoever said that it just takes common sense and a tact. Moreover though, I think that criticism should be constructive and justified. When I see someone say “please don’t name your child this” or “your child will hate you if you name them ____” I find it really hurtful, even when it’s not my own list (actually, I’ve never posted my own list here to be critiqued, because honestly, I like pretty out there names and I’m a bit hesitant to do so). Sometimes the old adage, “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all” can apply on the internet. Giving a reason (cultural significance, teasing potential, datedness, spelling confusion) is so helpful, but outright saying, sorry I hate this name, please don’t use it- not helpful. You can be negative but you can do so constructively, because negativity breeds negativity and if we can err on the side of positivity (sorry, that name’s not my style, but what about something like XYZ?) the general atmosphere of Nameberry could be sunnier (not saying it’s not sunny now, but there’s always room for improvement ). But I also think we have to keep in mind that as posters we’re not naming our own kids here. [name]Just[/name] because I don’t think a name would fit my child, doesn’t mean it’s not the perfect name for someone else’s, right? Those are just my thoughts. Sorry it’s kind of rambly. Again, great post [name]Bella[/name]!