We are strongly leaning towards only one - for financial and mental/physical health reasons, but also because my partner wants just one. I get envious of others who have more too sometimes.
People can be so rude and unfeeling with their comments. It’s none of their business. After I told my in-laws to back off about it (which they did not like lol), I try to let other’s opinions just roll off my back.
In the pro column for having an only child, I love how much attention I can give our [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f], who is 4 going on 14! She has great friends at preschool and is one of the most well behaved and social kids in the class. We spend so much time together playing pretend, doing crafts and going on fun outings, and I’m able to fully focus on her. I rarely have to stretch myself thin because my partner and I can split parenting duties and take breaks. I love my little best friend who inherited my love of movies. We cuddle on a [name_m]Saturday[/name_m] morning and watch Hocus Pocus for the 50th time and then go act it out. I don’t think I would like splitting my time with her and another baby.
[name_f]Bea[/name_f] went through a phase this year about asking for a baby and telling people we were getting a baby haha. But then I asked her if she would want to share [name_f]Mama[/name_f] and she said a decided NO.
@auroradawn thank you for taking the time out to respond I really appreciate your general positivity and I agree it’s mainly parenting style that makes the difference! Also your right babies are a blessing it’s just whether you can handle that blessing which I’m not sure I can currently.
@cactusgram thank you for answering! [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f] sounds delightful and your relationship with [name_f]Beatrix[/name_f] sounds absolutely wonderful. Thank you for sharing!!
I know a lot of grounded and well adjusted only children and a lot of messy family dynamic siblings. It’s really about the parents!
I’m not an only child and I couldn’t imagine life without my sister (although really it would be her without me, as she’s older). But I think people just like what they’re used to.
I have a friend who planned to have just one, and a cousin who for various reasons had one child. And those children are both incredibly sociable and well adjusted children with a wide range of friends their age.
I think also there is a lot to be said for not having more children than you can comfortably afford. What good is the possible benefit of a sibling if the home environment is stressed under that financial burden?
Personally, I’d probably like to have more than one - but I am not a parent yet! But that’s all it is, a preference. There is no wrong answer, you’re allowed to do and build (or not) your family however works best for you.
i’m really sorry to hear you’re worried about this !! i know you’re a great mum, and lilia is lucky to have you
i don’t think i can compose a balanced or structured response so i’m just gonna throw out some thoughts, as an only child (i’m not feeling great atm so this might be incoherent):
as a kid, i definitely didn’t feel super envious of my cohort’s siblings - i still don’t really know what i was missing out on
i imagined having siblings a lot (always a sister close to my age) but i don’t think i ever passionately wished for them
i sometimes get kind of wistful and wish i knew what it would have been like to grow up with siblings
being an only child definitely made me closer with my parents
it does get kind of lonely sometimes?? but at least part of that is definitely furthered by the fact i spent a decent portion of like 11-18 years old isolated from my peers by severe health issues
being an only child is not at all inherently damaging
my best friend is another only child and she has never felt even close to lonely ?? she’s undamaged in pretty much every possible way i guess so really you’re fine)
now i’m in my late teens i’ve noticed that even though i don’t wish i had siblings, i tend to look for and identify sibling relationships in any friend i make with a slight age difference (both older and younger) (does that make sense ?? i’ve just noticed that like with a friend of mine who’s ~18 months older than me i’m like ‘that’s my older sibling’ and with a friend whose around 3 years younger i’m like oh yeah that’s my little sister)
if i reflect i think i’m glad i don’t have siblings, because i get very competitive, and i wouldn’t like having a sibling to compare myself to !! especially given that i’m not ‘where i’m supposed to be’ given that i’ve struggled a lot with my health and wouldn’t want to feel like the ‘flop sibling’
people (adults, often doctors) assume i’m going to be super spoiled because i’m an only child (the most glaring example of this was when i couldn’t walk due to a severe soft tissue injury in my foot and was diagnosed as ‘invented an injury because she craves attention on account of being an only child’ which is obviously uhhhhh) but also, when i was going through serious mental health situations and treatments, it was CONSTANTLY brought up, especially to my parents, so if lilia ends up with any chronic health issues you will probably be irrationally blamed for not giving her a sibling !! this will not actually be responsible for that
speaking of which, no i have never faked an injury because i’m an only child
i was a little spoiled as a kid ?? but not unbearably so and i’m sure that was a result of growing up with financial privilege and not because i have no siblings; i know people with siblings who were WAY more spoiled so i think it’s definitely not inevitable
as a kid i often got flack for being too bossy or loud or self-centred and i think that was occasionally blamed on my lack of siblings but tbh i think they just didn’t like that i was a girl with a voice because nobody criticised the boys for the same things ??
i do think that growing up as an only child has influenced my personality, but not strictly in a bad way - however, people say they could guess that im an only child.
conclusion: people project their ideas of only-children onto any only child and that’s way more annoying that actual practicalities of not having siblings. you will probably continue to be criticised for this in irrational ways because the way that society treats mums is ridiculous, and it is simply impossible to pleas everyone. it’s super variable as an experience, with positives and negatives and in-betweens, and while it can be interesting to contemplate how life might have been different, i wouldn’t change this if i could. being an only child is part of me, neither wholly good nor bad, just like the primary school i went to or any of my personality traits !! basically i know it’s weird to think about but you’re fine
Hello, i am sorry about all the negative things you heard. I am the oldest of 4 and honestly, growing up was not that good as other people think. I have friends who are only children and are growing up well and with all the attentions. [name_m]Just[/name_m] try to play a bit with her every day and she will not feel that lonely.
@Thalia_231111 thank you for responding and she’s a lucky girl as we both play with her and do with activities with her a lot her life is full of play timd