I know name regret is a big topic in these forums. Anyone experience this and get past it successfully? [name_m]How[/name_m]?
I had two baby girls ten weeks ago. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] A’s name combo was super easy; the first name has been my favorite since I was 14. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] B’s name took a lot more work. However, her first name is one I’ve loved for over five years, and the combo has a lot of meaning for my husband and me. It’s the name we kept coming back to. We almost changed her name two days before delivery and came to the hospital with two combos, thinking it would be a game time decision. When my husband and I saw our precious [name_u]Baby[/name_u] B, we agreed on the name that won.
BUT. Name regret has been tormenting me for the last four weeks or so. I don’t love the way the name sounds coming out of other peoples’ mouths and often cringe when I hear it. I’ve been thinking of changing her name, but a.) that would be a hassle and super awkward, and b.) I’m afraid I don’t have the heart for it/changing it would feel like a death of some sort.
This sucks. I’ve been into names forever and OBSESSED about the names during pregnancy. I thought I was done obsessing when we left the hospital, but I started feeling these feelings hard about 4-5 weeks ago. (I know some of this may be post-partum stuff, wondering if I’ll ever get to name another child, mourning the names that could have been, etc. I’m in counseling to try to figure all this out).
Those of you who have come out on the other side–please help! I welcome your advice.
A lot of my name regret went away after the postpartum period. My daughter is 2 and while I sometimes wished I’d been a bit more creative with naming her, her name fits her so perfectly that I can’t imagine any other on her. And her spunky sweet personality (and the fact that she was named after two very special people) has made me really love her name and feel less regret about giving her a popular name.
It sounds like the combo you chose has a lot of meaning for you, so you’re regret is probably due to hormones and sleep deprivation. Congrats on your twins and I hope you feel better about your choice soon! Maybe if you told us the names we could reassure you and tell you what beautiful choices you made haha
I’m sorry I can’t give you my personal experience, but I was actually reading an article about this very problem yesterday!
Obviously, this mother ultimately decided to change her son’s name. I’m not by any means trying to encourage you to do that with your daughter - it’s a very personal decision - but I thought it might help to read about someone who’d gone through the same thing and decided to act on it.
Often name regret does fade with time, as you get to know your child and they grow into their name. But if you think this niggling doubt won’t go away, a name change is something to think about seriously. It’s much better to do it earlier rather than later, before the child understands their name and before other people have completely got used to the original name.
I know it’s awkward, but the actual process is remarkably simple before 1 year because the birth certificate can simply be amended for a small fee. After that you need to change the name by deed poll, which is a bit more hassle but not too much. The real awkwardness would probably be the social embarrassment of telling people that you’ve decided to change her name, but that wouldn’t last forever and people would quickly get used to the change. I’m sure more people that you think would understand your feelings if you explained them (apparently a surprisingly high % of parents experience name regret of some sort, even though most don’t act on it), and may even admire you for having the guts to address the issue.
Again, I don’t want to encourage you to go for it because it’s such a personal decision to make, but I just want to offer some reassurance in case you feel you’re too scared to take a step that you really want to take and feel is right for you and your daughter. Maybe give it a couple more weeks and really focus on your gut feeling and reaction to the name when you hear it. If you truly find yourself “cringing” every time you hear your child’s name, I think something really needs to be done.
Thanks for the reply! Unfortunately in the US (at least in my state), the process is more cumbersome . . . and expensive. [name_m]Court[/name_m] orders and legal fees and the like.
[name_m]Ah[/name_m], OK, I wasn’t sure where you are living. I’m so sorry, it must suck to feel that way! I really hope you get over these feelings or find a solution that suits. All the very best.
I’d give it a little bit more time. You always have the option to change it and waiting another month or two won’t take that option away. Give yourself a bit more time and if you’re still not loving the name my opinion would be go ahead and change it! You should be happy with the name and it will be a funny story to tell your daughter when she gets older.
You could also start up a nn that you prefer maybe? Some people solely go by their nn and it’s not strange or anything; besides your baby’s birth name could grow on you more. A nn could tide you over while you decide whether or not you want to change their name.
I don’t have any real advice to offer, but I’m experiencing some name regret too. Our son [name_m]Jacoby[/name_m] was born in [name_f]April[/name_f]. All throughout my pregnancy we were pretty sure his name would be [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m]. A few weeks before he was born we started having doubts, and eventually he became [name_m]Jacoby[/name_m]. We decided on his name after he was born. The thing is, his name sounds great in English, so I love it when DH’s family (they’re British) use it, but we live in Belgium, and people constantly mispronounce his name, or they pronounce with the ugliest accent you can imagine. Sometimes, a lot of the time actually, I wish we went with [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m].
I thought I’d chime back in . . . my daughters are now nine months old. I’m over my name regret! Whew. If you’re going through this, parents, I feel for you. It can kind of suck the life out of you. I was sure I’d never overcome it, and sure enough I did. Somewhere between three and four months. My daughter was going through a sleep regression–nights and nights of maybe 30 minutes of sleep at a time. Somehow, that helped clarify things for me. My thoughts during those long, sleepless nights went something like “I’m not hating her name while I’m doing this. . . If I can make it through this period and feel love for my baby and accept her name, it’s somehow supposed to be her name.” Muddled, sleep-deprived thinking, but it helped. That was months ago. I’m back to loving her name and can’t imagine her with another.
^ So glad! [name_m]Just[/name_m] read through this thread and was heartbroken for you (don’t have children so I’m not sure if I can even imagine the extent this would upset me). After putting in that much thought there is no way you could have chosen something terribly wrong, so it’s lovely to hear that confirmed! Congratulations by the way
Also @antonelle, I’m curious, did you decide on [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] over [name_m]Jacoby[/name_m] (seeing as his name is [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] in your signature?). Sorry to be so invasive I’m just intrigued. Name regret is something that haunts me and I’m not even close to choosing a name for any future children.
I’ve been into names forever and OBSESSED about the names during pregnancy. I thought I was done obsessing when we left the hospital, but I started feeling these feelings hard about 4-5 weeks ago. (I know some of this may be post-partum stuff, wondering if I’ll ever get to name another child, mourning the names that could have been, etc. I’m in counseling to try to figure all this out).
