Perfect age gap

Parentberries
21

2/3 years apart is perfect. Growing up being 7 years apart was a nightmare considering I was the oldest.

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22

It really is different for everyone! I have 2 brothers, 1 is 3 years older than me and the other is 10 years younger. I am very close to my younger brother and rarely talk to my older brother.

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23

7 years

this is my golden number. my brother and I are 7 years apart and it’s perfection. he’s older enough that I always respected him as my elder, and listened to what he said, but young enough that we were able to grow up as friends.

GOLDEN! lol

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24

Depends on the overall composition of the family, i.e. the amount of children being born.
I feel if there are/is going to be 3 or more kids then a 2 year age gap should work out realistically well.
But if there is only going to be 2 children like I plan to have I personally want a 3 year age difference between them, maybe a little bit more

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25

I tend to agree with you here. We want 4-5 kids so have gone with an 18month gap between the first two and then plan to have a 3yr gap followed by another 2-3 kids closer together again

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26

Well, I managed to stay fairly consistent on my viewpoints lol :joy: we did start unexpectedly start TTC about a month after I made my last comment.

If we do have another, my kids would be a minimum of just shy of 3 years apart. Before having kids and realizing how hard getting and staying pregnant would be for me, I thought 2 years was too far apart…I wanted my babies around a year apart. I couldn’t be more thankful to have at least a slightly larger age gap. Parenthood is harder than any amount of hypothetical thinking could prepare you for. I 100% wouldn’t be able to be the parent I need and want to be if I had kids super close in age.

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27

loll congrats!

28

i think for me personally, anything -15 months and + 7.5 years is undesirable.
i want my kids to be at different stages when i have the next. for example…

baby 1 is 18 months when i have baby 2. baby 1 will be out of the “baby” stage and into the toddler stage. baby 1 is 3 years old and baby 2 is 18 months old when having baby 3. this would put baby 1 in the late toddler stage and baby 2 starting the toddler stage.

ideally the ages at my last child would be this:
baby 1: 6 years
baby 2: 4.5 years
baby 3: 3 years
baby 4: 18 months
baby 5: newborn

another option for the large number of kids i want is this:
baby 1: 7 years
baby 2: 5.5 years
baby 3: 4 years
baby 4: 18 months
baby 5: newborn

so really the answer is whatever works best for you. my answer doesn’t take into account multiples, months or years spent ttc, and csections or physical + mental health issues.

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29

I would love a 4 year age gap for my kids. I plan to have 4, so that they’re spaced enough that I have time to care for their individual needs. For ex:

#1: 12
#2: 8
#3: 4
#4: newborn

The first 3 would already be in school or preschool and the older two would be more capable of doing things independently

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30

I’ve asked this question to the Internet many times but I’m not sure that this is a question another person can answer for you. A lot will depend on what you body can handle, what you can handle as a parent, and life circumstances. There are 8 and 9 year age gaps between me and my siblings and we’re not close, but some of that is personality and parental circumstances. Part of it is that we’ve never been in the same stage of life. Im raising young kids. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister’s kids are in college. [name_f]My[/name_f] brother is single and in his early 20s. I wanted all my kids to be close together in hopes that they would be closely bonded. I have a set of twins who are 3.5 right now and will be 4 when our second set of twins is born. Both sets were “spontaneous”. I wanted to have another after twins a little sooner, but it was a hard physical recovery for me, and there was always the thought that I could have another set of twins, so we should wait until the first set is about 4 (so said another twin mom). Turns out that was pretty good advice for us, given how things turned out. I hope you are able to settle on a situation that’s right for you and your family!

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31

I understand that everybody is referring to their ideal age gap and I agree there are a lot of factors.

For people with infertility like myself, I don’t have the benefit of time, we’re are already nearly 4 years down and one pregnancy lost.

When we do have children our age gap will probably have to be 1 year between treatment cycles. We just don’t know how long it will take, how many cycles we will need etc.

We always wanted three children, but it’ll all depend on what life has in store. I am 28 and my husband is 30, so we shall see.

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32

When I was younger I always loved to think about having two sets of twins because that way nome of them would ever feel lonely but I know it is also a lot of work to handle… god [name_m]Job[/name_m] mama

33

I am rooting for you, and hope everything goes right :heart_hands:

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35

I think it’s different for everyone, honestly. I’m one of 6 kids so we all “buddied up”. [name_f]My[/name_f] oldest 2 sisters are just shy of a year apart (then a 6 year age gap) and the next 2 sisters are only 10 months apart. When they were growing up, I remember seeing the big struggle being that they had a hard time feeling like individuals/not being compared to each other. The 6-7 year age gaps made them not super close with each other until they got older. Now that they’re adults, they swear the small age gap was so helpful and vital to how they grew up.

In comparison, my “buddy” sister and I are a few weeks shy of 3 years apart. The big struggle between us growing up was hitting age milestones at different times & feeling like we were too old/too young to properly hang out with one another. That feeling pretty much disappeared by the time I was 16 & she was 13, and we’ve ALWAYS been each other’s best friend. She’s still the first person I run to and want to hang out with. But I can’t say that’s the age gap or the “buddy system” thing.

There’s a 11-12 year age gap between me and my oldest sisters and that’s always been too much in my head. We’re close now as adults but growing up it was always them parenting me, ya know? And the next sisters are 4-5 years older than me; I was really close to my sister that was 5 years older but the one who was 4 years older I ALWAYS butted heads with until we were adults and living on our own.

If I were to have more than one child, I think I’d try for an 18 month-ish age gap. I think that is what always seemed liked the sweet spot.

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36

It totally depends.

[name_f]My[/name_f] first two are 17 months apart (I fell pregnant when #1 was 8 months old). It was good that I was pregnant around the time he started sleeping through the night, and he started walking at 15 months so I wasn’t have to do too much chasing around. It was absolutely chaotic for the first couple of months after #2 was born, but actually turned into a lovely age gap once they were 2.5 and 1, and could start playing together.

It was relatively easy having them both at similar ages and able to do activities that they both enjoyed. We had two cots, two carseats, a double pram, lots of cloth nappies. I also - in hindsight now they’re older - really enjoyed the time before they started school. I was (and still am) a stay-at-home mum, so our days were free and we could do whatever activities suited us.

[name_f]My[/name_f] twins were born when #1 was 5.5 and in first year of school, and #2 was 4 and in pre-school. The good thing was that the older two were fairly independent and weren’t at home all day, so it was easier to manage the twins. But I found it really hard to go back to the baby stage again after having had a break. It was a total different level of chaos, but somehow we survived.

Now they are 11, 9, 5 and 5. I’m feeling the challenge of the age gap between the older two vs. younger two when they’re not at school. It’s so very hard to plan activities that suit all of them (especially as the twins have additional needs) and the older two end up helping me a lot, which I feel guilty about.

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37

18 months! [name_f]My[/name_f] kids are 6, 5, (3), 2 and 9 months. (My 3 yo is hanging with Jesus.) It’s chaos but if you teach your kids not to be terrible kids, parenting is really fun. And hard, too, but really amazing. All were CS, and recovery wasn’t terrible, if you end up going that direction (Sadly that’s 1/3 pregnancies in the USA!)

38

I’m going to show the ages of me and my siblings when my youngest sister was born. I’ll :tulip: the siblings I’m closest too!

Melia (me): 8
O (brother): 5 1/2
A (brother): 23 months :tulip:
L (sister): newborn :tulip:

But I feel if they are going to be close, they’re going to be close. Age doesn’t make a huge difference! As people always said the O and I were going to be close and A and L will be close. But, I’m close with my youngest two siblings and don’t really spend much time with my oldest brother. However, A is close with all three of us and L is only really close with me! So I don’t think age plays a huge factor!:sunflower::smiling_face:

39

I think two or three years would be ideal. For close relationships from early childhood. With my older sister, there’s almost a six-year age difference, and we used to argue a lot during childhood. We only started becoming friends when we were much older, around when I was 17.

40

It does depend on a whole range of factors the parent and the child. Based on what I’ve seen I think it should be based on stages of life, so newborn/baby, early toddler, late toddler, Kindergarten/Pre-School, Prepp/Grade School. Which would be every 12-24 months. Based on MY historical experience I don’t find age gaps of more than 3.5 years appealing - parenting-wise and as a child. I would rather get them all out of nappies instead of one out and then having to go through that stage again in 4-5-6 years. Clothes can be handed down and got rid of quicker. Educational and age-based Medical will be similar.

If I could plan it 100% then based on Australian curriculum and the stages it would be
Baby 1 - 6 (Grade 1)
Baby 2 - 5 (Prep)
Baby 3 - 3 (Junior Kindergarten)
Baby 4 - 15 months
Baby 5 - Newborn

41

I currently have 3 children, with a two year age gap between babies 1 and 2, and a 1 year age gap between 2 and 3 (irish twins). If i could pick and choose, I would rather have baby 1 be 3 yrs when I have baby two, and be 6 yrs when I have baby 3.