I have a very specific and rather complicated question. [name]Both[/name] my parents died when I was a young, and I would very much like to name my children after them in order to pass down their memory. My mother’s family follows the tradition of honoring someone by using his or her first initial when naming a baby, so I never worried too much about not loving my mother’s name ([name]Cathy[/name]). However, I genuinely do love my father’s name, [name]Ivo[/name], and would love to use it for a future child.
My question is whether it would be odd to name one child directly after someone, while naming the other only using the first initial. I’m also thinking about putting [name]Catherine[/name] in the middle spot for a girl. Would this make things more or less equitable in terms of “honoring”? My mother was Jewish and my daughter would get her Hebrew name, but this would most likely never get used, as my husband and I are not religious. My father was not Jewish and would thus not have a Hebrew name to pass on. Does this change anything?
I apologize for the long back story, but I’m really struggling with this and I’d love to get some other people’s perspectives.
I think if the name still feels like it is honouring your parents in your opinion, that is all that matters. It’s up to you to decide how you want your parents remembered in the names of your children, whatever you decide will be the right way to go regardless.
Well, actually I think your secret preferences actually perfectly align with what you should do! In non-Jewish families, children are named directly after relatives (living and deceased), whereas as you know in Jewish families the first initial is often used (in deference to the old belief about the [name]Angel[/name] of Death being confused and taking the younger name-bearer rather than the older). So giving a daughter her cultural traditions-- both her shem ha-ḳodesh for synagogue as well as her C initial in everyday life-- works wonderfully. And naming a son directly after your father [name]Ivo[/name] (I agree, fantastic name!) also honors his way of doing things.
There are many, many ways of honouring a family member through naming your child, not just giving them the family member’s full name. Using [name]Catherine[/name] in the mn spot to honour a [name]Cathy[/name] is perfect. Others might use a name from their parents’ culture, using a name with the same or similar meaning, using a name that means a lot to that person, using a name that has similar elements to the [name]Preston[/name]'s name, etc. So, your mother will be honoured as much because you will be telling friends, family, and your daughter: “her name starts with C to honour my mother” , as the actual giving of the name.
Having said that, [name]Catherine[/name] is a lovely, classic name that would make a great mn or first name. I don’t think that your parents or other family members would mind if one child had your father’s name as a first, and another child has your mother’s name as a middle. The important thing is that you thought of both. If you are bothered by it though, I would use both names as middles and choose another name you love for your children’s first names.
Not odd at all. [name]Both[/name] immensely relevant when it comes to honouring and neither less honouring than the other. Is that what you are asking? Perhaps I misunderstood.
[name]Both[/name] of my girls have family names. My odd’s first name is the family name and her mn is a name we just loved. My ydd mn is the family name and her fn is a name we just loved. Obviously, I don’t think it matters where the family name is in the name, so long as it works for you. Honestly, the family name we used for ydd wasn’t very appealing as a first name so it was either use it as a mn or not at all!