What are your thoughts on someone being named one name, but going by a completely different one? I don’t like my name and I never have. I cannot go by my middle name because it is my aunt’s. I wouldn’t legally change my name for the sake of my parents. But I just feel like my name doesn’t fit me, and every time someone asks for my name I feel like I should say something else. What are your thoughts? I really want to but I’m afraid my parents will become disappointed since they picked out my name.
Have you thought about going by a version of your name?
For example, if you’re [name_f]Katherine[/name_f], you could be [name_f]Kat[/name_f], [name_f]Kate[/name_f], [name_f]Kathy[/name_f], [name_f]Katy[/name_f], [name_f]Katie[/name_f], [name_f]Kitty[/name_f], [name_f]Rina[/name_f], [name_f]Katya[/name_f], [name_u]Kit[/name_u], Kath, [name_f]Trina[/name_f], [name_f]Katri[/name_f], [name_u]Kay[/name_u].
I think, unless you’re going through a major life change like a big move where you’re meeting new people and introducing yourself for the first time, it will be very difficult to transition to a totally new name and you’ll find lots of people wont bother making the change despite your protestations.
I’ll tell you from experience:
My daughter is 4 and headstrong, and she decided that she wanted to go by another name. I told her as long as it was some form of the name I gave her, it’s fine by me. Her full name is [name_f]Brianna[/name_f] [name_f]Katy[/name_f]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f]. She previously went by [name_f]Bree[/name_f]. She kicked [name_f]Rosie[/name_f] around for a bit, and she was [name_f]Kate[/name_f] for a week, before she settled on [name_f]Anna[/name_f], and she’s been [name_f]Anna[/name_f] for nearly a year now. My mother, sister and grandmother have utterly refused to stop calling her [name_f]Bree[/name_f]. I no longer call her [name_f]Bree[/name_f], she’s [name_f]Anna[/name_f] at home, [name_f]Anna[/name_f] at school, all her friends, my brother/her uncle, my friends all know her as [name_f]Anna[/name_f]. My family wont call her [name_f]Anna[/name_f] simply because it’s set for them, and they aren’t keen on the name.
The point I’m trying to make, is that it was a difficult switch, and she’s much younger than you and still going by a form of her given name. Some people will just refuse to co-operate, and some might be openly hurt for one reason or another. Despite the fact it’s your name, your family may well feel they have a claim on it. That being said, I think your parents [name_f]DO[/name_f], since they gave it to you and they’ve identified you by that name for longest. Something totally different might be next to impossible at this point, but I’m sure you could get away with a variation of your first name, middle name or even your surname.
What is your name? And what don’t you like about it?
Maybe we could suggest alternative linked nicknames?
I actually went through the process of legally changing my name for some very personal reasons including the fact that I cringed (and still cringe) every time somebody called me by my birth name. A close friend of mine also went through the process for her own personal reasons, and we helped each other through it. Doing this will always be difficult on your parents, in my experience, but it is doable, if you’re committed. Here’s some advice, from my experience.
Commit to a name before you announce it. Start using it mentally first. [name_f]Imagine[/name_f] how it would feel to answer to. Try it out for a bit when giving your name for a coffee order or online. Wait a few months. If it still feels like it should be your name, then think about announcing it, first to close friends, then to family you might think would be more accepting.
If you’re not legally changing your name, try to pick something that isn’t far off your birth name. Your legal name is still the first name people will see and the first name people will associate with you. It will be on all of your official documents, and to the world it will still be your name, so if you want people to call you something else, it has to stem logically from the name people will see, and you have to be prepared for people to call you by your legal name anyway.
Your parents and family will probably eventually accept it, give them time to come to terms with it on their own, but they may never use the name you pick out. My mother eventually accepted that I was changing my name, but she and my brother (who has special needs and I would not ask to remember a new name) still use my birth name, which bothered me at first but eventually I grew to accept. [name_f]Remember[/name_f], they’ve known you by this name your whole life. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if they do accept it immediately, change is really hard. (My friend’s mother also still uses her birth name, but in public tries to use her chosen name, though she often forgets due to habit)
This doesn’t apply to everyone, but I found it easiest to change my name when I started college and was introducing myself to a lot of new people. They didn’t have any memory of my birth name and therefore easily took to my chosen name. If you have the chance to time it like this, during a big change, it will definitely help you! It may honestly have been the only reason I was able to make the name stick so well, since all my family still uses my birth name.
Whatever you do, good luck!
If you can’t go by a diminutive or version of your name, or something like initials, or your middle (I don’t think its a huge deal to go by the same name as your Aunt, unless she lives with you or something), maybe try to go by a variation of your middle.
You could also pick a new name and legally chance your middle or add it in, so as not to offend your parents but still have it make sense. And I don’t think its a huge deal to go by one name with family and one elsewhere. I do have a few friends that go by one name around family and another professionally, whether it’s the middle or a foreign version or a totally unrelated nickname.
That said, if it’s a matter of respect to your identity as far as something like gender or facing trauma associated with your name, your family absolutely needs to respect that. But if it’s just a matter of preference, it’s a bit harder to ask them to change.
I agree with this suggestion. It will be easier to transition to/ for other people to adapt to, and will be less hurtful to your parents as well. I’d at lest do some brainstorming (you can get pretty creative with it) see if you can get anything to fit and then try it out.
I have tried to find a nickname for my name, I have asked people on other baby name sites, but there really isn’t any other than ‘T’. I have always been jealous of girls with names like [name_f]Katherine[/name_f] that can choose their own identity. My name is [name_f]Tia[/name_f].
I do plan on a major life change in around three years…I plan on moving to [name_f]England[/name_f] from [name_u]America[/name_u]. I don’t really know anyone there so that is a big reason I am thinking about going by something else. You made a great point that I agree with.
Thank you! This was awesome. I agree about changing the name when you start college, that was my plan as well. I as well cringe every time I hear my birth name or have to introduce myself as “[name_f]Tia[/name_f]”. I really do not feel like a [name_f]Tia[/name_f]. The committing to a name is GREAT advice and I will use it! Thank you!!!
My name is [name_f]Tia[/name_f]. There are a few things I don’t like about it. The boring-ness, the way it sounds like a stripper/drunk girls name (as a kid in what, 7th grade? told me). I do not feel like a [name_f]Tia[/name_f] in any way. It also doesn’t fit with my sisters names which make me feel a bit left out. They have beautiful, uncommon vintage names. The meaning…I have Panamanian in my family! So it’s like my Panamanian family is constantly calling me “aunt” and it drives me crazy! I cringe when I introduce myself as “[name_f]Tia[/name_f]” or someone else calls me it.
I am with my aunt a lot. I don’t live with her full time but I do go to her house and spend a few days living with her often. I’ve tried a variation of my middle but I can’t find one I like…my middle name is [name_f]Michelle[/name_f]…all I can think of is [name_f]Chelle[/name_f], [name_u]Shelly[/name_u], Mish, [name_u]Mickey[/name_u], Mitchie…and none of those I am fond of. I REALLY like the idea of adding in a middle name and just going by that middle name. I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] that. I am in training to become a professional makeup artist and I thought of going by something else professionally as well. And no, it’s just a matter of preference. I don’t expect my family to call me something else, since it’s what they’re used to. [name_m]Just[/name_m] a majority of people and I’d like to be able to introduce myself as something else.
By the way, thanks so much for the ideas and opinions everyone!
I think the idea of going by a different ‘version’ of your name is probably the best idea.
Yes, I agree. If my name was [name_f]Katherine[/name_f], or something with many nickname options. My name is [name_f]Tia[/name_f]…I cannot think of a different version other than [name_f]Thea[/name_f].
Some various nicknames for your name I thought of. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t know if you’ll like any of them, but I thought I’d throw them out any way.
[name_u]Misha[/name_u], [name_f]Mia[/name_f], [name_f]Elle[/name_f], [name_f]Micaela[/name_f], [name_f]Ellie[/name_f], [name_f]Chelsie[/name_f], Chella, [name_m]Mikal[/name_m], [name_u]Mika[/name_u], [name_f]Mila[/name_f], [name_f]Mellie[/name_f], [name_u]Mell[/name_u], [name_u]Zia[/name_u]
If you are going to change your name I like the idea of adding a second middle and going by that instead of changing the whole thing.