make me sound professional please i really want to get into this
I have always loved science; from the time I was a young child. I have been watching channels like [name_m]Bill[/name_m] [name_m]Nye[/name_m] & [name_m]Mark[/name_m] [name_m]Rober[/name_m] on TV for as long as I can remember, & I have – and still do – love them. So, when my teacher offered the class an application for [program] I had to accept. I want to expand my scientific knowledge in all ways possible & this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
I would write this as “From the time I was a young child, I have always loved science.” or “I have loved science since I was a young child.” A semicolon splits up two complete sentences, and right now “from the time I was a young child” isn’t a full sentence on its own.
I think these are TV shows, not channels? I could be wrong but maybe something like “I have been watching Bill Nye and Mark Rober on television for as long as I can remember, and I still love them today.” would sound nice.
Otherwise, my only advice is to use the word “and” instead of “&” because I think it looks more formal/professional. I think the last two sentences are really good - just make sure to put a comma after the program’s name.
That’s odd! Sometimes things like Word and Google Docs do that, though. It definitely shouldn’t be a semicolon unless both parts are independent clauses!
after going on thesaurus.com & having my mom edit it, here’s what i came up w:
From the time I was a young child, I have always had an impassioned love for science. I have been watching Bill Nye and Mark Rober on YouTube for as long as I can remember, and I still love them today. So, when my teacher distributed applications for ------, I jumped on the chance to apply. I want to expand my scientific knowledge in all ways possible & this is the exemplary opportunity to do so.
*edited to take out programme name bc i’m an idiot
**i’m american but the spelling programme is so much prettier
Since I don’t know the parameters of the application, take the rest of this with a grain of salt. I’m applying for my own super-wanna-get-into-it program right now and these are some application tips I’ve learned in the process!
All of this will depend on how much space you have left. I recommend using as close to the word or character limit as possible, if one exists, because that way you get more opportunity to sound smart and eager. Science is an impossibly broad subject, and it’s certainly okay to enjoy every aspect of science, but if you really want to show your intelligence and excitement, I suggest honing in on a couple specific subjects that you really want to know more about. Maybe that’s biology and you’re really interested in learning about human anatomy, or maybe that’s astronomy and you’re really interested in learning about other solar systems. Especially if the program is specific for a certain type of science. This would make the application more personal too. You could even connect this to the sentence about Bill Nye and Mark Rober if there are specific videos that you remember sparking this love of science, and why you found it so fascinating.
Seeing the updated paragraph, I just have a couple small suggestions. All of these are technically correct but I think sound slightly better with different words.
I would instead say, “I jumped at the chance to apply.”
I would instead say, “this is an exemplary opportunity to do so.”
From the time I was a young child, I have always had an impassioned love for science. I have been watching [name_m]Bill[/name_m] [name_m]Nye[/name_m] and [name_m]Mark[/name_m] [name_m]Rober[/name_m] on YouTube for as long as I can remember, and I still love them today. So, when my teacher distributed applications for ------, I jumped at the chance to apply. I wanted to expand my scientific knowledge in all ways possible, and this was the exemplary opportunity to do so.
I have always loved science. [name_u]Ever[/name_u] since I can remember, I have been watching TV shows like [name_m]Bill[/name_m] [name_m]Nye[/name_m] and [name_m]Mark[/name_m] [name_m]Rober[/name_m], and still love them (also, love is a bit of an informal word in this context, maybe say find them interesing, or enjoy them, etc. ). (Therefore, because of this, that is why, Which is why, etc. may be better than so if you want to sound more professional) Which is why, when my teacher offered the class an application for _____, I ( was (very, immediately) interested, felt called to accept, accepted immediately, didn’t hesitate to accept, etc. are some ideas to improve this sentence) This is a perfect opportunity to (expand my scientific knowledge, follow my passion for science, learn more about all/different kinds/types of science)
). (Therefore, because of this, that is why, Which is why, etc. may be better than so if you want to sound more professional) Which is why, when my teacher offered the class an application for _____, I ( was (very, immediately) interested, felt called to accept, accepted immediately, didn’t hesitate to accept, etc. are some ideas to improve this sentence) This is a perfect opportunity to (expand my scientific knowledge, follow my passion for science, learn more about all/different kinds/types of science)