Back in November I came across a particular girl name that I absolutely fell in love with. As in, “It would be in would be in my top 3 names for my future daughter under any other circumstances” in love. I quietly added to my list and didn’t really bring it up to anyone. I would say it’s a fairly uncommon name so I didn’t think there was a chance of anyone else using it so I thought it was safe on my list.
Fast forward to several weeks ago. My cousin gave birth to her baby girl and by some crazy coincidence she named her daughter the very name I fell in love with and thought was so uncommon that no one else I knew would use it. I never brought up the name to her and she didn’t announce or give any hints to her baby’s name before she gave birth, so there was no way either of us knew beforehand that we coincidentally both loved this name.
Would it be safe to say I cannot use this name anymore? I still very much love it, maybe even more so than I did originally, but I do not want to come off as a “copy cat” or that I’m “stealing” the name if I were to use it in the future(my wife and I are currently in the midst of starting our IVF journey so names are a topic of discussion). If it were a family name it wouldn’t feel like much of an issue but since it’s not, the situation feels a little more complicated. My cousin and I DID grow up quite close since we were born a little over 3 months apart and lived just minutes from each other until we both left our hometown, but currently we rarely see or talk to each other since we live in separate towns fairly far away from one another.
It feels like a unique circumstances so I’m just wondering what the etiquette should be in a situation like this.
I would say use the name. Second cousins having the same name is not a big deal. If family members say something just tell them that you’ve always loved the name. You could ask your cousin how she feels if you want but I don’t really see why it would be a problem if you don’t live in the same town and don’t see each other often.
Well, I do think it’s strange to have a cousin with the same name since it’s not just a friend, it’s family. Maybe use the name as a middle name? Us berries can help you find first names for your style! One of my friends sister’s shares a name with her cousin. Her cousin was J@ne and her sister is C@mill@ J@ne but it was never an issue. If you really want to use this name, maybe use it as the first name but then she’ll go by her middle name. [name_u]Or[/name_u] maybe even use a nickname? I think it’s also best to talk to your sister and maybe you’ll settle on something that works out for everyone.
Edit: I just noticed that your child won’t share a name with a 1st cousin, but a 2nd cousin. Now knowing this is the situation, I think it’s fine for them to have the same name since they will be more like friends 
I think you should use the name you love. It’s up to you, but you might want to just let your cousin know ahead of time. [name_m]Just[/name_m] tell her it’s a name you’ve loved for a long time, and you had no idea she would be using it, but it’d be upsetting to not get to use the name you love.
You and your cousin rarely see eachother, so your kids will probably rarely see eachother. In your daughter’s life, only a small portion of it will be spent around your cousin’s daughter (most likely), so I think it’s fine for them to share the name. Your relatives might be confused at first, but again, just explain it’s a name you loved long before your cousin had her daughter.
If they’re ever together and you don’t want it to be confusing, you could use a nickname for your daughter or her first and middle (for example: [name_f]Jane[/name_f] [name_f]Eloise[/name_f] instead of just Jane).
I think if it were your siblings baby I’d say it would be best not to use it, but in this case I think it’s alright. [name_m]Just[/name_m] maybe talk to your cousin about it so there are no ill feelings between the two of you! Also, because you said you two grew up close, perhaps you guys can laugh about what a coincidence it is you both chose the same name!!
Good luck!! 
I would not feel comfortable using it. I think if anything I would bring it up to her and get her take on it so you’re not causing unnecessary chaos when you could focus on finding a new name that becomes The One (or revisiting the other two names in your top 3).
I have 16 cousins on my dad’s side, the oldest of whom just turned 30 and has always gone by J@ck. [name_f]My[/name_f] youngest cousin is 2, and when he was born my aunt and uncle announced his name and said he would go by J@ck. I definitely found that bizarre, and voiced that within my immediate family. But we’re used to it now and it doesn’t seem to bother oldest cousin or his parents. Not sure if my aunt and uncle consulted them before naming 2 year old, but that’s not my business… I would still get your cousin’s take on it before using it as a first name.
I think it’s fair game as a middle though with no discussion
Honestly, I would personally be uncomfortable using it. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it’s just a coincidence, for an uncommon name that would be a striking similarity and I would worry about causing strife.
However, since you are no longer close and presumably neither would your children, I think it’s probably usable. They wouldn’t be close to each other all the time, so it would just be a fun coincidence!
If you do want to use the name because you love it, I would talk to your cousin and explain your feelings! That may lead to a clearer understanding on both sides of the issue.
TLDR:
It’s not ideal but you could talk to your cousin about it, especially as the kids likely won’t be close.
Ugh that’s such a tough situation.
Since your kids would be second cousins–and likely won’t see each other much–I would say it would be okay to use the same name. I know I personally barely see my cousins (even before the pandemic), so if that’s the same case for you it’s not a huge deal. You could talk to your cousin beforehand to try to get her blessing, but I don’t think it’s necessary. You loved the name before her baby was born, so your conscience should be clear.
It’s easier said than done though. If I were in your shoes, I would keep the name on the backburner but also look for other names you love. Also, if you’re about to start your IVF journey, it could be a good time to discuss names with your wife and mention you’re feeling conflicted about the name you love being used by your cousin. It’s possible your wife may not even like the name, and then it would be a non-issue, or she may feel very strongly that it’s okay to use it still!
I don’t think it matters unless it would bother you. [name_f]My[/name_f] family has quite a few repeat names and its not actually a problem, even less so if you rarely see your cousin.
If I was in your situation, I think I would still use the name. I have cousins who I haven’t met or spoken to in years, who live in different countries etc. If your cousin is unlikely to be involved in your child’s life then I don’t think it matters.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m] there.
I think that I’d use it. If you rarely see each other, it shouldn’t be a big deal. A very similar situation happened in my dh’s family. His first cousin had a little boy named G@vin, & a few months later his other first cousin (who’s also first cousins with the original G@vin’s dad) named her son G@vin as well. And G@vin isn’t a terribly common name, nor is it a family name. It just happened to be the name that cousin #2 had picked out for months & just decided to go for it. They do live in the same town & see each other a couple of times a year at holidays. The grandparents of the G@vins are siblings that are fairly close to each other, & it’s just a fun thing for them. They just think it’s cute that they both have little G@vins, & the whole situation is way less awkward then you might think.
Hopefully that long winded story is helpful.