🐚 Questions about birth announcements

shells15 · January 8, 2025, 12:42pm

Just to preface this: I am not pregnant yet, but I thought I would ask those who may have been through something similar.

Note: Long explanation with questions in the last paragraph.

TW: Fertility Issues, Abortion (as a life saving procedure… not birth control) and Surrogacy

Due to the political atmosphere in my country, as well as the constantly changing attitudes and laws, I will most likely have to travel outside my country to have children. I have a medical condition that was diagnosed as a 9 year old, but was punished instead of receiving treatment for it. I fought for years before receiving sporadic treatment due to medical insurance and financial issues.

Unfortunately the lack of treatment has led to some damage to my body. One area is my reproductive system. At this point we don’t know the extent of the damage done. From everything I understand, we won’t know until I try to conceive, unless we find a test that may give us some answers (I haven’t made it that far yet as I don’t trust many members of the medical community in my part of the country).

As far as I know at this point, conceiving will be difficult and, if I do get pregnant, I may not be able to carry to full-term. In order to save my life if something goes wrong, I would need to have an abortion.

Many of my family and friends don’t believe in abortion (and surrogacy is a forbidden topic as well) and will hold to their beliefs over the health and welfare of their loved ones in such situations. In light of everything, I will not be telling the majority of my family and pretty much all of my friends I’m pregnant until my child(ren) are safely in my arms to avoid having to hear their rhetoric over their support.

Note: I am considering adoption, but I still want to try to have biological children if at all possible. Please don’t bring up the idea as an option as it is already on the table.

In light of this, I don’t know how to go about announcing the birth of any children I do have when only a toddler’s handful of people know.

I am referring to both paper announcement cards (not big on social media) and announcing the birth in general. What should I put on the announcement card? How do I tell people without having to explain my personal journey — a journey they have vehemently spoken out against when I indirectly brought it up in the past?

@Casea33 Thank you. I clarified the type of announcements in my last paragraph.

Casea33 · January 8, 2025, 7:00pm

Are you talking about the birth announcement cards you mail? Those are very generic with no background on the road to baby. [name_m]Just[/name_m], welcoming [name_f]Everly[/name_f] [name_f]Clair[/name_f] 1/9 7lb 8oz. I’d only mail them to people who will be happy for me or send them to everyone and not answer calls from anyone I know who will rant and rave about my choice or ask invasive questions for the next year. Good luck on your journey! Also, it’s amazing how many people who are against a certain kind of baby come around after a cute, wriggly, live baby is in front of them.

shells15 · January 8, 2025, 7:20pm

@Casea33

Thank you!

Sounds like a great idea. I will definitely have to consider this.

Too true! Let’s hope this holds true for those in my circle of people.

readingreverie · January 9, 2025, 12:50am

Not a parent, but I want to pop in to say that I hope everything works out for you! If your family doesn’t support your journey to a family, quite honestly, they’re probably not worth being in said child’s life. That’s my opinion, anyhow!

[name_f][/name_f]

Personally, on paper announcement cards, I’d say something along the lines of: “Surprise! Welcoming minishells15. [name_f]Baby[/name_f] was born on XX-XX-XXXX, weighing XX lbs, XX oz, and measuring XX inches. We’re/I’m so thrilled to have the little one here!” Acknowledge the surprise without speaking about it too much. Emphasize the excitement while not ignoring the fact that you didn’t notify people of the pregnancy. You could also use the wording “Our best-kept secret etc, etc, etc” [name_f][/name_f] Something I’d be inclined to as well would be along the lines of “Although it was a journey filled with uncertainty, I am thrilled to be announcing the birth of BabyNameHere.” Perhaps if you feel comfortable addressing the medical aspect, you could say, “Thanks to my team of doctors and nurses, I am so proud to be announcing that I have welcomed a baby. There was much anxiety surrounding this pregnancy, and I wanted to wait until birth to ensure I’d share happy news. Minishells15 was born on XX-XX-XXXX, etc etc etc.” I’ll be honest and say that I think anyone who doesn’t support you is not worth the extra stress on you and your family. If they cannot happily accept you and your future babe from the instant they’re announced, they should not be given multiple chances and opportunities to do so. But I am not you, and you very well could think differently

shells15 · January 9, 2025, 1:19am

[name_f][/name_f][name_f][/name_f]

I totally agree when you put it like this. I will probably stick to family events only with the people in this boat because I’m sure there will be a few I do want to see and that would be the best place to see them. I think I’m only lingering on some of these people right now due to the circumstances of the past few years, but I’m slowly moving to this mindset… with your insight, I’m sure that it will help speed up changing it.

[name_f][/name_f]

As to the announcement cards, I love the ideas you’ve put forth. Thank you. [name_f][/name_f] I will be putting these ideas into my notebbok with my top names so that I will have them on hand when the time comes.

Kibby · January 10, 2025, 4:04am

To put it incredibly bluntly, as someone that struggled to conceive and carry, YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR ANYTHING.
[name_f][/name_f]Your personal fertility journey is yours and yours alone and no one is entitled to how a baby came along or why you’d choose to keep the news to yourself, and frankly anyone that presses for an answer is part of the problem and doesn’t deserve the time.

missniwalyra · January 10, 2025, 4:41am

@Kibby[name_f][/name_f] LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK!

[name_f][/name_f]

[name_m]Just[/name_m] came to wish you good luck on your journey, [name_f]Shelly[/name_f].

shells15 · January 10, 2025, 6:54am

@Kibby[name_f][/name_f] Thank you… I’m starting to realize that. I think I have internalized someone close to me blackmailing me into telling family members all or, if I don’t, they do it anyway. I needed to see what you had to say. I appreciate it.

[name_f][/name_f]

@missniwalyra[name_f][/name_f] You have always been one of many people on here who have been an amazing support. Thank you so much!

_thelittlefairywren · January 10, 2025, 10:58am

Firstly, I’m sorry that you are in this situation and that your family is not supportive or understanding. Termination for medical reasons is so sad, as often the babies are so loved and wanted. I’m heartbroken for you that you family would choose not to see or understand that.

[name_f][/name_f]

Secondly, ditto to @Kibby[name_f][/name_f] [name_f][/name_f] You do not “owe” anyone an explanation and no one is entitled to know about your baby or body.

[name_f][/name_f]

Regarding paper announcements: here in Australia, card announcements usually just have the baby’s photo, name, and basic information on them, and maybe a few sentimental words from the parents. They are very simple and sweet, and definitely don’t require you to give out your life story. Here’s a few emaples:

[name_f][/name_f]

LibelluleClaire · January 10, 2025, 4:32pm

Tbh we don’t do paper announcements. And I don’t have any one in my circle who does. So I think its perfectly fine if you want to skip that entirely. We just sent out a text and picture to everyone who needed to know when our baby was born. Of course it 100% fine if that is something you want to do for yourself but announcements are not something that you are required to do. And if it causes you stress I would recommend skipping them all together

[name_f][/name_f]

Also it’s becoming kind of a trend to keep the pregnancy a surprise. So I think its 100% appropriate to say something like ‘we just wanted it to be a surprise’ if anyone asks or makes a fuss about it and they aren’t trusted enough to know your pregnancy journey.

shells15 · January 13, 2025, 1:03am

Thank you! It certainly hurts that they hold to their beliefs over understanding someone else’s condition. I’m glad to have the support and understanding on here, but is also a part of why I’m so private in many ways.

These announcements are great! I’ve been looking at them and hearing the customs from other countries helps because I can combine them to make up one that will work for me. I tried looking them up on my own, but keep ending up with the cutesy ones found in my country… definitely not my style. These are more along my style.

This sounds like the “trend” is coming at the right time for me. And if it “passes” before I do have children, I’ll just do a throw back to it… and claim that I don’t keep up with the trends changing (which I don’t anyway). Thank you for this!

I don’t think it’s the actual invitation that is making me anxious, but the questions and invasive questioning that will follow their being received. It’s also more of a necessity due to the people I know… many do not have social media and a good number do not text.

readingreverie · January 13, 2025, 10:01pm

[name_f][/name_f]

Dare I pop back in and say just respond in as short responses as possible. Don’t be afraid to make people as uncomfortable as they’re making you [name_f][/name_f] “Why didn’t you tell us? Aren’t we close?”[name_f][/name_f] “I didn’t tell anyone, it’s not personal .” Genuinely, if there are specific questions that are eating at you, please message me or list them, and I’ll try to share my shortest “Please stop asking me things,” answer

Archer27 · January 14, 2025, 10:02pm

[name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to say that for multiple reasons, we didn’t tell more than a couple of people we were expecting until like 30 weeks. [name_m]Even[/name_m] after that, 90% of people in my life found out when I posted my baby’s little foot on Instagram.

[name_f][/name_f]

Essentially:

[name_f][/name_f]

[name_f][/name_f]
I felt it was an incredibly private experience
[name_f][/name_f]
[name_f][/name_f]
I also knew some people would be unsupportive
[name_f][/name_f]
[name_f][/name_f]
I don’t like that when you are expecting, that’s the only way anyone perceives you and you cease to become anything other than that.
[name_f][/name_f]

[name_f][/name_f]

[name_f]My[/name_f] only[name_f][/name_f] regret is not keeping it private longer like we wanted to, and getting pressured by others to share. It is so empowering to do things on your own terms, especially because TTC and pregnancy does sometimes take a lot of the choice and agency away from you. Also, I told someone early on who I thought would understand, and they made me feel guilty for months on end for asking them keep it private, which was really stressful. So be careful who you do tell！

[name_f][/name_f]

[name_f]My[/name_f] advice [name_f][/name_f]- which obviously may or may not be useful to you [name_f][/name_f]- is just go with what you[name_f][/name_f] truly want to do. If you need to, send cards out of the blue saying you had a baby, and don’t feel pressured to put any information on there you don’t want to share. If people don’t like it, what are they going to do? Huff and puff for a week? They aren’t entitled to know the details, but you are entitled to your peace.

[name_f][/name_f]

All the best for your conception journey and beyond [name_f][/name_f] If you need any advice on how to navigate people being annoyed that you didn’t tell them [name_f][/name_f]- I have plenty, but it mostly echoes what @readingreverie[name_f][/name_f] already said. “It wasn’t about you or anyone personally, I just wanted space to process everything without other people’s expectations” was pretty much copy pasted to 40 different relatives. Lol!