Hello Ladies! I wanted to get some advice from women who may have children from different relationships as I am a bit nervous about how this all works! Good nervous though
I have a 8 and 5 year old girls from a previous marriage so Im also really rusty when it comes to babies! My current husband has no kids of his own. He is worried about being called âDadâ by his biological child and not by my kids and thinks that all the children should call him the same thing. Unfortunately, my girls already have a Dad who is active in their lives and would be very insulted if his children started calling another man Dad. And I also dont want to encourage it because despite how I feel about my ex as a person, he is their Dad and I have to respect that.
Anyone else experience this problem? [name]How[/name] did you resolve it?
Also, as the mother, how did you blend the family so that all the children felt equal.
As an adult with a stepfather, I hope I can offer some perspective. Iâm 19 and an only child. I live with my mom & stepdad. He has two adult daughters (oneâs my age and they other is a few years older). They live across the country, so I see him more than they do. Still, although my father isnât in my life anymore, Iâve never once even considered calling him Dad. That would just be super weird.
[name]Just[/name] let your kids know you and your husband love them just as much as the new baby, even though the baby will eventually call your husband âdadâ, and your kids call their father âdadâ. Iâm assuming they already call your husband by his first name? I think it would be weirder for your kids to start calling your husband something else.
Iâm unmarried myself, but I have heard of people calling their step-parents âMommy/Daddy Firstnameâ, or just by their first name, or as Dad/Mom, but only if their bio parent isnât in their lives much or at all.
I think your kids would be fine with their new sibling calling your husband Dad, and they call someone else Dad. Theyâre old enough to be okay and understanding with. I think theyâd be more upset if they were to start calling him Dad, that might make them feel like heâs supposed to replace their bio father, and as you said, itâd be insulting.
I can totally see how this would seem like it would be an issue, but I think youâll find that it wonât really be. My brother-in-law has a child with his ex-wife, and another with his current girlfriend (and they all live together, aside from when the older child has her days with her mother), and the older child seems perfectly comfortable with the fact that her little sister calls the girlfriend âmommyâ while she calls her âFirstname.â And this child is only 5.
The reality is that your older kidsâ relationship with your new family (being formed with your new husband) will always be different than your new babyâs. Your older kids have two families, while your baby has one. So for the distinction to continue with the father figure in one family being called by his name, versus their actual father in their other family being called âdad,â is natural.
I really like Siduraâs suggestion of you and your husband having a conversation with the kids to explain that he loves them just as much as he loves the new baby, even though the baby will call him âdaddy,â and that they call him âfirstname.â I think they will completely understand and also feel reassured with the assertion that they are loved by their stepfather.
Thank you all for the reassurance! Like i said, I donât know much about blended families as I did not grow up knowing that situation of step parents. I think I need to stop worrying and let things happen naturally. Again, thanks for encouragement!
My SOâs cousin went through this with his older daughter when he got remarried and his second child was born. His wife was from Europe and they decided that all the kids would call her mom in her native language.
So maybe your husband can find a term he likes that means dad in another language. I only speak [name]German[/name] and English so my two suggestions would be Vati ([name]Fa[/name]-ti) or Papa. This way if your older kids feel like it they can accept that moniker but donât have to and it still gives their dad a very distinctive title. I donât know what your family background is or that of your husband but you might be able to find something that makes sense and you both like.
My husband is almost 10 years older than me, and he has a 15 year old daughter from a previous relationship. She asked what she should call me and I just told her âcall me my first name.â Honestly, I feel no maternal instinct or parental responsibility for her, so why should she think of me as a parent? She doesnât live in our household though, but if she did⌠I would feel the same way.
I know a 7-year-old girl who calls her bio-dad and step-dad âDaddy [name]Nick[/name]â and âDaddy [name]Ben[/name]â (their first names). Her parents split when she was a baby. She only sees her bio-dad once every other week, and he isnât very responsible, but he is her dad. Her step-dad supports her, and has a 4-year-old daughter with her mother. Sometimes even his own kid calls her Daddy [name]Ben[/name], because she hears her big sister doing it.
My SO and I have a blended family, with my 12 yo son and his 6 yo daughter. My sonâs bio-father has never been in his life; my SO is the only Dad he has ever known, and thatâs what he calls him. My step-daughter has two full sets of parents (her mother has remarried), but she thinks of us all as her parents. If you ask her, she will tell you she has two dads and two moms. Mommy is married to Daddy [name]Dave[/name] (who is just Dad at their house) and Daddy is with me. She calls me Mommy sometimes and by my first name sometimes, but when talking to others she always refers to me as her mom.
What to call a parent is a very personal - and varied - choice. Thereâs a lot of different options that work for different families⌠I think it has a great deal to do with the age at which a step-parent comes into a childâs life, but also with the relationship between the child and the bio-parent. My stepdaughtersâ parents split before she could walk, and she doesnât remember anything but the way it is now. Two dads and two moms is just par for the course for her
