Hello berries, just like the title says; I’m second guessing my own name that I picked out; [name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_u]Jules[/name_u].
For context; I’m a FTNB (female to non-binary) born with a very much feminine name to my own dislike. And no, I still like [name_u]Vesper[/name_u] [name_u]Jules[/name_u] but after a while, it didn’t feel…right? Idk if any other people from the transgender community or people who in general second guessed their own name that they picked out for themselves. I just wanted to know if I’m the only one or not.
And tomorrow, I might just make another discussion and have berries help me with choosing a name this time, w/ a pic and description of myself.
i’ve definitely experienced this! i’ve used multiple names before, and the only one that’s ever felt right is my current one, revere.
i was using the name roman when i came out, but it didn’t feel like me, so i switched to lorenzo, which also didn’t fit me. sometimes you really like a name, but it just doesn’t feel like you. it’s frustrating for sure (and imo, harder than naming a child, since you’re already a person and the name has to fit you!)
i think this is a fairly common experience. trans people change their names all the time, and sometimes it take a few tries to find the right one. there’s nothing wrong with that. i definitely think you should look for more names and try them out, to see if anything fits better than vesper!
Hey! So I’m an afab demigirl, and I choose the name [name_m]Kip[/name_m] for myself, as a nn to go along with my given name and nn, since they’re a bit too girly for me, especially my full first name (Catherine and Cate). Recently I’ve been questioning it too, but I haven’t found anything that fits me as well as [name_m]Kip[/name_m] does. So you’re not the only one. I’d be happy to try and help you find another name. Maybe it could even be a thread for all trans/enby berries to go when they’re having a name crisis?
No one’s name ever feels “right” all the time. It’s just that because you’ve re-named yourself, it feels more like a big task/responsibility (I imagine) and you will be second guessing it all the time.
[name_f]My[/name_f] name is [name_f]Julia[/name_f] and I was born with this name. It doesn’t feel “right” necessarily. If I had the option to second-guess myself all the time, I would. But because someone else chose the name for me I don’t even bother thinking about it.
I don’t know many people that love their name all the time. Most people don’t think the name their parents chose is “perfect” or necessarily “right” - it just is.
You are always changing and evolving. The easiest thing would be just to accept your name, even if you don’t love it all the time. Either that or get someone else (like your parents) to re-name you and then stick with that, so it doesn’t feel like you chose it but rather you were just given it - like most people.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] if you post a picture and description of yourself for strangers to change your name, you will change. There will come a time when that name doesn’t feel “right” either. It is simply a part of life.
I think, similar to the pp, that it’s normal for everyone to feel like their name doesn’t fit but that most people have had years getting used to their names in all different stages and feelings of life and therefore their names may feel a little more versatile to them and they wouldn’t bother changing them (especially as, if you’d change it, that may not always fit either).
As you don’t have those years and years of getting used to your name to fall on, I think it’s totally normal to question your name more than other people would and even feel like you may want to change it.
And it’s totally valid to change it, there are people who change their names whenever they feel like it, and that’s fine.
However, if you’d rather not go that route, I think picking a name for yourself that allows many nickname possibilities would be a great idea as it allows you to change your name whenever you want but still keep the full name to “get used to” over years.
Good luck
Several of my trans and NB friends have gone through different names before settling on one that feels right - I think it’s totally normal. It’s such a big decision and so important to your identity that it must be hard to decide on just one
[name_u]True[/name_u], except my parents aren’t too accepting of enbys(my mom supports ftm/mtf but not enbys, and my dad’s basically just transphobic). And I know my mom would be butt hurt about me trying to change my name, since she named me after her friend and ex friend (she already gets annoyed every time I say I don’t like my name).
Hello, cisgender person here. There’s possibly a significant difference between not always liking your name and accepting that because you’re ultimately at peace with it as part of your identity, and feeling a disconnection with a name on a deeper level. If you can find a name that aligns with who you are in a way that makes you feel much more like you, I’d encourage you to reach for that
I’m FTNB as well (I made my nameberry profile a long time ago so its got my birth name) but I go by [name_f]Sadie[/name_f] now. Which is still a very feminine name. And I second guess that choice often, but to me it does seem like my name. I would say if you don’t feel like your name is your name, it might not be! It’s totally okay to change your mind. I think its a great name but if it doesn’t feel like a comfy fit then maybe it’s time to explore! Gender is a journey for sure haha.
I’ll make sure to credit you
