Should I be worried about the age gap?

Our twins are going to be born 4 years apart from their brother. We wanted to wait longer because my wife and I both hated our siblings growing up (we were 3 years apart and hers were 4 years) and took until adulthood to become close. We also both wished our siblings had been born later so that we could have been around 10 or older and been able to take care of them sometimes. But our son has been begging for a sibling ever since he could talk and is super excited to meet the girls.

It’s too late to go back now, but I’m worried that Ollie’s excitement will fade quickly and he will hate his sisters just like my wife and I hated ours.

Does anyone have any positive experiences with kids born this close together? [name_u]Or[/name_u] any advice for helping them form a close bond so they don’t grow up despising each other? Thank you!

The younger sister I have the most contract with is 6 years my junior and I hated her for awhile (nothing to do with age gap, just different personalities and similarities between her and another family member that I couldn’t deal with) but now we’re kinda close as we get older. However we were never raised in the same house by the same people (Me-Mamaw, Her-Mamaw’s sister Aunt T*) so this may not even apply to your situation so take what apllies and leave the rest, I guess. *Name protected

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I have a younger sister who’s about the same age gap as your kids, and we were very close growing up.

[name_f]My[/name_f] personal opinion (and this has absolutely NO scientific backing) is the age gap doesn’t matter as much as the personalities of your kiddos and more importantly the environment you create in your home. As long as all kids feel loved, appreciated, like their needs are being met, and that they don’t have to compete for resources (like attention, time etc.) it’s more likely to promote a better sibling relationship. However like I said that’s just my personal opinion.


I think it actually does have scientific backing. Now that I think about it, that environment may have been what we were missing as kids. [name_f]My[/name_f] experience was that my younger sister got everything at a younger age than I did and didn’t have to work as hard just because she was lazy. We grew up in a very loving household, and although things felt unfair, they were in different circumstances. Maybe we just need to make sure [name_u]Ollie[/name_u] figures that out earlier than I did. Thank you!

Yeah I think in general there’s was less awareness in the past of childhood development. And tbh even the greatest parents are just people living in an imperfect environment and we can’t do everything we know we should or would like to do.
But from the parents who I’ve seen successfully raise happy loving kids, they make sure their children feel loved, secure and heard. So since we’ll be having baby #2 here shortly as well that’s what I’m aiming for!

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[name_f]My[/name_f] sister and I are 6 years apart and I honestly wish we were born closer together. We have a great relationship and I do watch her a lot, but I feel like if our ages were more similar (3-4 years apart) we would’ve been closer. One of my closest friends has a lot of siblings; one thats a year older than her and one that’s around 5 years older than her. They all have the closest bond. I don’t think them hating each other depends on the age gap

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Hmm, I don’t think age gap is much of a problem, really. The only important thing is to ensure that every single one of your children is equally loved by both parents. Make sure that no one feels left out and teach them to understand the significance of familial/sibling support from a young age.
This is coming from a middle child.


[name_f]My[/name_f] (late) younger sister was born three and a half years after me, and we had a brother in between. It took me a while to learn to appreciate my brother fully (we never “didn’t get along,” we’re just very different), but in retrospect, my sister and I were pretty close growing up. I have other friends who have larger age gaps with their siblings (8 years in one case), and they said the larger age gap was an obstacle to their getting along growing up. I also know people who are super close in age to their siblings who can’t stand them, and people with big age gaps who are really close to their siblings. I think it’s all relative, and you should be fine (but between this forum, you and me, 4 years sounds like an excellent age gap, also congrats on your impending new arrivals!).

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Thank you!

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[name_f]My[/name_f] kiddos are 4 years apart. The youngest is a baby so I can’t speak to long term relationships. However, it’s worked out well for us. I don’t think my daughter could’ve handled sharing the attention when she was younger. Now she’s mature enough to understand it. The only downside we’re seeing is that my daughter just started being able to use smaller toys like legos, but she’s not old enough to keep track of them really well. Overall, she loves her baby brother and is very protective over him. The baby thinks everything she did is hilarious.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] brother and I are about 3 years apart and we’ve been close our entire lives. I don’t think it has to do with the age gap as much as it does our parents encouraging a good relationship between us. We did a lot of activities as a family and spent a lot of time traveling on vacations and going to pools/parks/amusement parks etc. So he became my best friend because we experienced the same things. When we would start getting mean to each other, my parents would help us with communication and figure out how to get along.

I think the fact that you want them to have a good relationship is going to help them have one. It sounds really important to you both. He’s already excited about having siblings, so I would just keep going with that excitement! Keep building their love and bonding times and helping them all feel loved. Have [name_u]Ollie[/name_u] help you with his new siblings but also make sure he still gets that one on one time with you both so that he doesn’t resent having new babies in the house. Then, once they’re older, giving them lots of time to have experiences together and become each others best friends. I think you guys will do great :grinning:

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