Should I leave my boyfriend to become a single mom...?

My boyfriend(23) and I(17) have been dating one year and I’m currently seven months pregnant with my son [name]Kyle[/name] [name]Desmond[/name]. My boyfriend and I used to get high and drink like all the other kids, but we slowed down once I became pregnant. I became full sober and happy about it and I plan on staying this way for the rest of my life. My boyfriend however, started drinking again and is starting to smoke cigarettes!!! I tell him he’s not a good influance on me and that I don’t want our son seeing him drink/smoke. (Watching my parents when I was younger is how I started.) My boyfriend has a friend whom he used to live with, his bestfriend’s ex-wife. She is 21 and acts like an immature teen, going bar hopping, talking rough and tough, and is influances my boyfriend to share these acts with her. He knows I dissaprove of her, ALOT, and he promised to stay away from here. I started hearing his phone go off so much more lately, so I was just a little curious and had to take a look. [name]Kiara[/name] and him were always making plans to go drink at bars with other friends and such. No there is no sexual contact between them, for she is a ‘big’ female and not his type, so no worries about that. But he keeps hiding her from me, I confronted him several (three or four) times about my discovering of her, he says he’s sorry and that he loves me and he will stop. [name]Every[/name] time he gains a little bit of my trust back, I find out they keep getting trashed together!! His birthday was last night so I let him go out and enjoy himself with his older brother. He had a spending limit and a time to be home (I’m pregnant, and very tired, he doesn’t have a key to the house yet so I have to stay up waiting for him. Also it’s hard to sleep alone now…) He was gone six hours, completely wasted, spend twice his limit, and said a random guy was buying him shots. I knew this is all lies, but he was throwing up every where and felt small pity, so I took him in. I’m trying to stay stress free by no longer thinking about him and her for the sake of my son and I. But as of this morning, I was cleaning the bedroom from his drunken mess, and found receipts from his debit card saying he was buying the shots and I checked his cell phone to see he and her were calling/texting all night, that they met up and all this crud… I’ve lost all trust and I’m sadly loosing love.

Also, he never cooks or cleans, I’m not sure he knows how. And being seven months pregnant, I can go longer bend and the stress is making me 15 pounds under weight… Should I kick him out and become a single mom??

It is ultimately your decision but I think you need to think about it, talk to boyfriend and let him know how you feel. Maybe you could talk to your parents or other family members that you trust. Good luck :slight_smile:

[name]Hi[/name], its nice to see another young mom here. I’m 23, but I had my eldest when I was 18 :slight_smile: Well done for getting sober, it sounds like you are going to be a fantastic parent.
Your boyfriend is definitely not behaving reasonably. You shouldn’t have to deal with the extra stress when you are in such a vulnerable position. I think you need to talk to him and let him know that if he doesn’t change, your relationship will be over. He simply cannot expect you to put up with his immaturity, when you need him to be there for you so badly. Give him one more chance to change, and if he doesn’t do so, you need to seriously reconsider your relationship.
Bes of luck. [name]Feel[/name] free to PM me if you have any questions about teen parenting or anything of the such. :slight_smile:

Congrats on getting sober and becoming more responsible for you son!

As for your boyfriend i think he needs a reality check. [name]Just[/name] because you are having a baby doesnt mean you have to be together BUT either way he needs to be responsible!!!

Maybe living apart while you try and figure things out would be better. It will take stress off of you so that you dont need to wait up for him or clean up after him. Plus if you do make the decision to leave him it will make it MUCH easier since you are already living apart.

I personally think giving him ultimatums or one more chance probably wont work BUT changing YOUR situation and doing what is best for YOU and YOUR baby may make him re think what he wants!

  • one additional piece of advice… even though some people might disagree with me … If you havent figured out your relationship when the baby comes I would give the baby YOUR last name and put just YOUR info on the birth certificate… ((to explain)… I had a friend who was in a similar situation… it didnt work out with her and the father… the guy left and never called, never sent money ect. Luckily she gave the baby HER last name BUT she did put the guy on the birth certificate… then 2 years later she got married to a great guy and now she is having a big issue with having her husband adopt the boy as his birth father (who he has met once when he was like 6 months old) is on the birth certificate and wont give up his parental rights!

You are going to have one baby to deal with you dont need your boyfriend acting like one!

Good luck with everything!

I can relate 1000% to you. I was pregnant with my first child at 16 and was completely in [name]LOVE[/name] with her father. Take it from experience, there are VERY few boys that are mature enough to handle a child at that age. Now I’m not trying to be sexist as I know some guys that are excellent fathers, but if they can’t give up drinking and smoking now why would they later? He should be focusing his time and attention on you, not some other girl. That being said I do not know your relationship at all so I don’t want to pass any type of judgement. But from what you said he is contributing NOTHING to the relationship but heartache and pain. Let him go, but don’t use your child against him. He is damaging your health, thus the health of the baby, do whats right for your child and yourself.

On another note I know how difficult it can be, I went back many times only to relive the same nonsense, and honestly you may have to do that yourself as well just to learn. But take it from experience, get out now and be single and happy with your baby!

I agree with mizzlynn on two counts one that the baby’s surname should be yours and two that this man sounds like he is immature and he will continue to give you grief.

Let him go, move on so that you can give yourself and your baby a happy home together.

Best wishes,


I’m a big believer in gut instincts… if he’s done enough to make you question this and post about it… there is probably alot of truth there. Talk things out with him. If he won’t even give you that much (a discussion) then definitely end it. If he’s willing to work with you to address some problems it could work, but be clear about your expectations and confident in following through on them!

That’s a hard call. Because I’ve been a single mother fully reliant on my family to help raise my son. I had him a month shy of my 20th birthday. It was hard being a single mom, and if I didn’t have my family helping me out for basically EVERYTHING I don’t know how I would have coped. I waited 7 years before having another child because I wanted to make sure I was married. You need to weigh in factors such as if you would have that same solid support system.

Otherwise I do agree that he is not the best influence to have around you or the baby as he is now. Maybe a baby will change things for him. Maybe he will stay selfish. He is the baby’s father and that is something to be considered also.

However, in your position, I would leave him. He has 3 months to straighten up and win you back and prove he wants to be there for the baby. If he doesn’t, focus on your son and nothing else. You can give him your last name, and still list your boyfriend as the father on the birth certificate if you want to pursue child support.

My son’s father didn’t want anything to do with him, and my son is almost 11 now. I’m married and we’ll eventually go through the adoption process, but unlike another poster’s experience, I won’t have any problems getting his biological father to sign over rights. He’ll be thrilled not to have to pay child support anymore.

I agree very much with rollo. It seems that you know that you can’t trust him, given that you know for a fact that he has lied to you about associating with this woman and about spending money. He seems prioritize his own short-term happiness over everything else, and is willing to lie to you and disregard your well-being in order to achieve that (not helping you at all with the chores? Staying out late even though he knows you’ll have to wait up for him when you’re 7 months pregnant? Blatantly lying?) From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like this relationship is going anywhere good.

I completely agree with the baby having your last name though my reasons are personal. If the parents are not married then the child should be given the mother’s last name seeing as that is who the child will live with. I hated that my mother had a different last name than my sister and I when I was growing up (due to remarriage after my father passed away). Especially since you are talking about leaving this guy, the baby will be better off sharing your surname.

Have you read ? Her story reminds me of yours somewhat. I would say leave him definatly. I’m not a mother though, so I don’t really know. If I was you though I would wipe him clean out of your life

All other issues aside (would not touch with a 10 foot pole…), if you are considering breaking up, break up. If the doubt is in your mind for more than a fleeting moment, you’re done.