I’ve asked every teacher I know and most say using a nickname/ going by a middle name is no big deal, while others advise to only give your child the name s/he is going to be called. What’s your opinion?
I think it is no big deal as long as it is made clear up front which name the child will go by. By “up front” I mean before the first day of school so that the teacher doesn’t have to re-make name tags, charts with names, etc.
Funny, though, as a teacher I was adamant to name both of my kids the name that they would be called (no nicknames).
I’ve been a teacher for 12 years and I think it’s pretty common practice to respect what the child desires to be called. So if you call your child by his/her middle name, and so does the child, that’s what I’ll use. I’ve never heard of much controversy with nicknames/middle names as name used.
I’ve been a teacher for 10 years and I have had many students go by a nickname or a middle name. I always ask my students what they like to be called on the first day of school. I have never come across any issues with this. I have had many students go by a middle name, I don’t think anything of it.
I say it is not a problem.
I teach middle school and I agree with the pp that it isn’t a big deal. I can see that at the elementary level a lot goes into writing name tags, etc so that could make more work for the teacher. I also have the urge to give my child the name they will be called as well, so there is no confusion, however different that name might be!
When you enroll your child in school, you can specify the name they go by on the enrollment form (at least in the district I work for), so that name is what ends up showing up on the roster.
I’m not a teacher, but in my opinion teachers should just suck it up and use the name the child prefers to be called. I never went by a nickname or middle name since I was always the only [name]Violet[/name] growing up. When the kids with longer names or multiple kids with the same name, asked to go by either a short form or their name or middle name, the teachers never had an issue with that. I would never consider the feelings of a teacher when choosing a name for my child. Heck they only have that child in class for a year, so it really shouldn’t be a big deal.
This - EXACTLY. I would never think it a big deal as a teacher, and as a parent my child will never have a ‘real’ nn that they use outside of home.
As a high school teacher, the only time I haven’t used a nickname the kid asked me to use was when it was his “gang name”. Although I will say that I doubt he was really in any type of gang, judging on location and such. Other than that, I will call the kid by their first name, middle name, nickname, whatever. I had a friend growing up who went by [name]Trey[/name] because he was a third, and one of his teachers refused to call him that. I thought that was just dumb. I have an aunt who was given one name, a family name, and called by a different name, as the compromise between her parents (she is legally [name]Sheridan[/name], but is called [name]Mindy[/name]). It’s not that big of a deal. I will usually make a notation in my grade book, and I am savvy enough to remember after a few days that when I see “[name]Michael[/name] LN” on anything official it is really [name]Cody[/name], for example. I had a student one year, and now I will of course forget the middle name. I know his first name was [name]Michael[/name], but he has a middle initial I always saw on stuff. It wasn’t a C or anything, but he went by [name]Cody[/name]. After several months when I got to know him better I finally asked him about it and it turns out his name was [name]Michael[/name] Something [name]Dakota[/name] Lastname. I never saw his second middle name on any of my paperwork, but that is where the [name]Cody[/name] came from!
I’ve had kids try to be funny and tell me their name is Jungle [name]Bob[/name]. I roll with it. I had a boy one year tell me his name was [name]Frank[/name], so I called him that all year. I could tell from day one he was lying, but I thought it was funny to keep calling him [name]Frank[/name]. So he kept writing it on his paper. And it was funny! He finally 'fessed up around [name]Christmas[/name], but by then the name had stuck!
As a teacher it is annoying sometimes to have to remember that, just to give examples from last year, [name]Agustus[/name] is just [name]Gus[/name], [name]Whitney[/name] goes by [name]Mikel[/name], and [name]Alexander[/name] means A.J. But I roll with it. I have students that I call by their last name because everyone else does. I have students who get nicknames from something that happens in my class (or maybe in another that year), and they suddenly start sticking. I have had several over the years that decide to go by their middle name on their own once they hit middle school or high school. Makes parent teacher conferences awkward when I say one name and the parent another, but it’s all good.
I’m not a teacher but my brother went exclusively by his middle name since he is a third. He never had any issues with teachers not calling him by his name and because he had some behavior problems the school typically stuck him in the class with the strictest teacher.
I’m also a teacher (elementary school). Most teachers I know wait until the first day of school to make any sort of name tags because it’s very common for children to go by nicknames or middle names. It’s also a fun project for the kids to help make their own that first day. Those teachers who make all that stuff ahead of time always have extras where they can make new name tags if a child prefers to go by another name. Also, when doing the morning roster on that first day, most will ask the child what they prefer to be called (i.e. [name]Katherine[/name] says she wants to go by [name]Katie[/name]) and then the teacher will write it down.
Again, very commonplace and not a big deal at all.
I have only taught two years, but what I usually do when I take roll the first day is let them know I will be calling the name on my roster. If they wish to go by something else, let me know. If they tell me that they go by either a nickname or a middle name, I write it next to their name and call them that for the rest of the year.
Yeah, I’ve taught for a few years and it’s never been a big deal if someone went by a nickname/middle name/whatever. I feel like refusing to call a child by the name they prefer just because it isn’t their official first name would be flat out rude.
The only issue I’ve ever noticed was that I once had a boy named [name]Thomas[/name], no nn, and one of the teachers occasionally started calling him [name]Tom[/name]. His parent asked the teacher to stop because they preferred people to call him [name]Thomas[/name], and that was the end of it.
Thanks, everyone! I never remember this as being an issue in school but I know all schools are different and wouldn’t want to make it unnecessarily difficult on my child. I’m not so much talking about something like shortening a name or using a common nickname (my daughter is [name]Bayard[/name] but goes by [name]Bay[/name], not worried about that at all), but more some of the unrelated or “unusual” at least in our area nicknames. I’m considering [name]Maple[/name], for example, as a nickname for a few names. I would be in contact with the school or teacher prior to the start of school, though, so I suppose that would be taken care of anyway. I appreciate the insight!
Well, I teach high school, and I teach lots of kids who go by nicknames. I taught a boy named [name]Richard[/name] [name]Phillip[/name] [name]Smith[/name] (not his real last name) who went by [name]Phillip[/name]. Wasn’t really confusing because everyone knew his full name, but just called him [name]Phil[/name]. Occasionally, official documentation would show up addressed to [name]Richard[/name] [name]Smith[/name], but we all knew who he was! I don’t think it matters as long as the teacher is aware that their student is [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Jones[/name] who goes by [name]Betty[/name] so they don’t call her [name]Mary[/name].
Interesting thread! Thank you to the OP for posing the question and thanks teachers for weighing in with answers!
My rule of thumbs is “I’m going to use the same name your mother does.” I teach high school, and it’s not uncommon for kids to give me a name they want to be called rather than a name that they are actually called. Or, they’ll give me their neighborhood nickname, and a quick call home clears that up pretty quickly. “Sorry, kiddo, but your mama calls you [name]Heather[/name] so I’m not going to be using Pookie in class.”
As an instructor at a university the first day I call role I tell the students to let me know if they go by a nickname or their middle name, if they do they tell me, I make a notation and we move on. When I was teaching elementary or high school kiddos it didn’t really matter to me if they went by their middle name or a nickname. My pet peeve is creative spellings and then getting told that you spelled the child’s name wrong (because they have a younique spelling).
I once had a student named [name]Elizabeth[/name] who went by [name]Lizzie[/name] and wrote it on all her papers. In her parent-teacher conference I was referring to her as [name]Lizzie[/name] and her mother was obviously annoyed and apologized for her wincing saying she hated that name (which of course was probably why her 13 year old had embrace it). So yes, teacher and probably ever once else, will go by whatever the kid wants to be called. I do know that some kindergarten teachers will want to make sure the child can write their whole name and not just their nickname.
Also: Occasionally teachers will be jerks and refuse to use anything other than what’s on the official documentation. I would guess this happens more often in high school than in primary.
[name]One[/name] weird thing I’ve come across is that sometimes a kid will tell you he or she has no preference between a given name and nickname/middle name, but then as time passes, it will become clear that everyone else calls him or her a certain name, and you’re the only one calling him or her the other name. This always drove me crazier than being asked to use a specific name outright 