Maybe not the exact place but I’m looking for some advice. [name_m]How[/name_m] do you tell your parents you’re engaged? Especially when you know they’ll be less than thrilled.
Thanks!
Well, I’m not really sure. When I got engaged I knew my parents would be very thrilled so definitely not the same situation.
I don’t think there’s any trick. You just need to sit down with them and tell them. Maybe if they don’t like your fiancé, it’s best if he’s not there. Are you intending on getting married soon? If not, maybe telling them you haven’t set a date or that the wedding won’t happen for a while yet will help calm them down.
The date is tricky. We have to plan around military orders and a probable deployment so it will be sooner than I like and much much sooner than my parents like.
They like my fiancé however they think we’ve not seen enough people to be sure of our choices.
I’d feel better bringing him with me because I know he’ll do the talking and my parents will behave a little better but part of me feels I should do it myself. I have no idea what to actually say beyond “I’m getting married!”
PS. Congrats on the little one!
Congratulations! I was in a similar situation, but without the engagement. In your situation, I would tell them alone, unless for some reason it would be unsafe to do so but it doesn’t sound like that’s true. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be afraid to be happy, you’re getting married! If they’re rude or argumentative, don’t react. Be the adult and calmly say that you’re in love and following the path that you feel is best for you and you hope that they can, in their own time, be happy for you both. I hope this helps some and good luck.
My husband rang my Dad to ask his permission before he asked me so we didn’t need to tell them as they knew I was getting engaged before I did 
It’s kinda old fashioned I know, but i thought that was the sweetest thing in the world that he’d thought to do that.
Haha my husband and I just phoned our parents. They were happy but definitely caught off guard. I guess we should have sat down with them to announce it but we were too excited, he especially just wanted everyone to know right away.
Thanks!
He’s calling my dad to ask for his approval but is telling him we’re getting married regardless. So I know my dad will expect it. My Mom jokes about us getting married but both have said they don’t want me married until 28 and that’s too long a time to wait.
Thanks again! [name_u]December[/name_u]'s coming up fast and I’m nervous as all get out.
First off, congratulations! Like others, our situation was a little different as my parents were expecting it. We just phoned them up right after the proposal and said, “We’re engaged!!” My dad and his wife were so happy that they went out for drinks with friends to celebrate (they live really far from me).
In your situation, because you’re young and your parents won’t be thrilled, I think being prepared for their objections is important. They will still probably worry, but at least you can say, “Yes, we know we are young and don’t have a lot of experience, we know we may not be starting out with a financial cushion, but this is how we’ll address that…” That shows you’re thinking like adults and ready to make an adult situation. What is it about 28 that makes it seem like a magic age? Maybe you can show them that you’re closer (in maturity) than they think. If you act immaturely, such as yelling, pouting, sneaking around, or acting like you don’t have a realistic grasp of what you’re getting into, that will only validate their concerns. (Not that I think you’re immature; these are behaviours that a lot of people do - regardless of age - when they’re in a conflict with someone.) Good luck!
Thanks. My dad called me and we talked a bit. He doesn’t like my relationship, he thinks we’re holding each other back and we’re afraid to see other people. I told him I’d think about it from his point of view.
My called about an hour ago and I told her that I talked to Dad. I told her I was an adult and I would do what I thought would make me happy and that I know they may not agree with my choices but I hoped they would understand.
I think you did the best you could with what you have. I would privately consider whether there is any credence to your parents’ objections, but that’s not really any of their business. If you allow them to believe they have input or a true say over something like this, it will just make them think they have a foothold in your future decision making. Show them you’re an adult and that you own your own decisions and mistakes, whatever the consequences. If they are reasonable people, they will respect you more for it and your relationship will be better off in the end. The transition from teen to adult is so, so hard, for young adults AND their parents, but you have to own your life 
Thanks!
My dad told me we needed to talk in person so I came home for the weekend and he told me literally the exact same thing. So I listened and told him that I still disagreed and that I was still staying I’m this relationship.
He said when I’m forty and miserable I’ll apologize and wish I had listened to him.
Well I called my mom and said he proposed and my mom said “Did you say yes?” and I said yes. I wasn’t sure how they would feel either. I had been dating him for a year and before that they caught me sneaking out to sleep over at his house. I came home that night showed them my ring and my dad kicked me out. Oh yeah I was 17 and a senor in high school. I moved out the next day and never moved back. That was 5 years ago. My mom and I still have a strong relationship though.
Well ladies, I’m necro-threading.
OH didn’t get to come home in [name_u]December[/name_u] but will be home next week. He called my father about a month ago to ask for his permission. Apparently my dad told him to go ahead thinking it was a joke and when he realized OH was serious he got mad and told him that he better expect me to shoot him down.
Since that night (I wasn’t home), my father has done nothing but say how he doesn’t want me around OH and how people who get married young regret every second of it and wish they’d listened to their parents as well as telling me how idiotic all my married/engaged friends are and how I can’t live without his financial support. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother on the other hand has been dropping hints left and right and told OH that she doesn’t care what we do as long we’re happy.
I think I’m going to talk to my dad as a prep talk [name_f]Tuesday[/name_f] to tell him that I told OH yes and that I am getting married whether he approves or not and then when OH and I visit the next day (we’re staying at his parents for a week) he can voice his concerns to both of us.
It actually kept me up most of the night trying to figure out what I was going to tell him.
Good luck!
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I got married 13 months ago when we were both 21 and a few months away from turning 22. We’d been together since we were 18 though so our parents were expecting it, and were soo excited for us. No one thought we were too young- majority of our friends who are around our age are engaged or recently married, so it’s very normal for us at least.
Hopefully your family will surprise you and be supportive! Our family (both sides) couldn’t wait for our wedding, they asked ALL the time when would we get engaged, and now they can’t wait for the babies to start arriving!
We did it the old fashioned way, my husband had asked my Dad permission to marry me in person. So my family knew before I knew that I was going to be getting engaged.
I got married at 20 (DH was the same age) and we have been married for six years. Now, I’m not saying everyone who is young should get married at that age, but I know plenty of people who get married young and who have happy, successful marriages. [name_f]My[/name_f] in-laws get married at 18 and are about to celebrate their 29th wedding anniversary. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband’s grandparents got married when his grandpa was 18 and his grandma was 17 and they have been married for over 50 years.
Basically, it comes down to your maturity level, not your age. If you are both ready and know that this is the right person for you, then go for it! As other posters have said make sure you stay calm when discussing with your family, even when your Dad gets upset. I seems like you handled it well by listening to him, and letting him know that you respectfully disagree with him. Hopefully in time he will become more supportive.
Congratulations on the engagement!
Hmmm. That can be tricky. I might not be the best person to get advice from. I’m estranged from my only surviving parent, and I know I will not be telling him when we get engaged. I know he’ll hear the news through family, which will surely be awkward, but it’s our choice to keep our lives separate from him. And if that makes things awkward for the family, well that’s ultimately his fault.
I imagine a phone call would be enough to suffice, and a simple “We’re getting married” should be enough. If they react badly, you can just hang up. If you have a history of phone calls turning bad, you could send a letter or email, or choose to not tell them at all and have the news filter to them. Evaluate your relationship with them, and respond appropriately. Most likely they’ll be asking you questions like “when” and “where” and you can tell them what you know or choose to keep it to yourself.
If I could get away with a phone call that would be fantastic but I just had to move back home because my school year is over with and since I transferred to a school much closer to home I’m living with them.
If I was on my own this would be so much easier.
Oh man that sounds difficult. Does your father have any real reasons for such concern? It’s easy to complain to parents about partners in moments of frustration, which has a way of cementing opinions. With my husband I’ve been careful about that, because I really want him to have a good relationship with my parents. That said, we got engaged before my mother knew him well, and when I told her she bawled her eyes out. And not in a good way. Sometimes it just takes time. I blindsided her with the engagement, rather than going through the proper lead-ins of introducing the in-laws, inviting her on little outings with him… I guess some evil part of me wanted the drama because I had anger toward my mother. If there’s any unspoken conflict with your dad that needs to come to the surface, it’s probably a good time to be honest about that.
You really just need to invite them over for dinner and tell them. The sooner the better you don’t wan the to find out from someone else. I was young when I got married my parents were nervous but they were supportive. They love my husband now and 4 years later no one has second thoughts on it.
If your sure and you have confidence in your relationship that is what matters.
I have a bad habit of complaining about how much money he spends which when I think of it, isn’t that ridiculous for where he’s stationed and the non-estentials have been cut way back and he even cancelled two big ticket items included an overpriced tent and a second broadsword. Which should be my dad’s only complaint and OH and I have discussed his spending habits and the cost of living where he is.
[name_f]My[/name_f] dad also thinks that OH is kind of an idiot when it comes to existing. He has no desire to learn to drive (at almost 19) and has driven a car once. His parents also didn’t teach him things like how to budget, how to purchase an airline ticket (which was fun trying to walk him through 4500 miles away) and similar such things. And when I say I guess I’ll have to make sure he learns my dad gets extremely upsets and goes on about how he should already know this stuff. The whole thing is just frustrating.