[name_m]Hi[/name_m] berries! Middle names, they used to be a way of identifying one from another, I believe. Now, it is merely a formality. While cooking, I just had this thought, both my children go by their middle names now (a lot of explaining and paperwork), which are respectively [name_m]Leo[/name_m] and [name_f]Matilda[/name_f] (sooo much deciding). That’s when I realised, middle names are the back ups (don’t know why I didn’t realise this before). I myself don’t have a middle name, rather a patronymic one, Nikolayevna, daughter of [name_m]Nikolai[/name_m]. But, an assortment of nicknames; eg. [name_f]Aleksa[/name_f], [name_u]Sasha[/name_u], [name_f]Alya[/name_f], etc. In, at least the UK and US, names tend to have a lot less nicknames. Instead, people have middle names in case they despise their first (or they have some sort of a familial name). Is this true? In my experience it is. One thing I’ve found on Nameberry is the seemingly adamant belief that “the middle name is free”, is it? I’m not reprimanding said belief, I actually like it. Though, should we, as parents be more careful with choosing the beloved middle spot? I’m curious to here your thoughts on this…what is the Beauty of Middle Names to you?
P.S: i almost said ‘point of middle names’ when I realised that they benefit a name nerd like me. Haha, don’t bite the hand that feeds you, I guess.
Edit: shout out to Adelaida @AudreyAida for bringing up Bellatrix and Toulouse or Berlioz or this idea wouldn’t have came! Спасибо Аделаидка! xxx
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I’m from the (far-Northern) US, like I could take a day trip to [name_f]Canada[/name_f] north, and for a lot of my family and friends, middle names are an honor spot (though my birth middle name was more a “backup name” that I liked even less than my first, sorry Mom and Dad!). It’s often family names that go there, or the maiden name of a parent, etc.
Not always, of course. [name_m]Plenty[/name_m] of people I know do have middle names that their parents just liked, but honorific names and/or “meaningful” middle names are plentiful where I live.
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My mom would kill me if I tried to go by my middle name. Definitely not a backup in my case lol. I do know many people who go by their middle (mostly planned from before they were born tho). For me, middle names just amplify/enhance the first name, as I think was the case with my parents as well, although I don’t have a problem with my (future) children going by their middle if they so please.
(I’m in the southwestern US for reference)
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In my experience, middle names are often used to honor family.
Examples:
- My middle name is my grandmother’s name
- My brother’s middle name is my mother’s deceased younger brother’s name
- My paternal grandfather’s middle name was his mother’s maiden name
Other middle names (like my husband’s) are just names their parents liked. No real connection to anyone or anything specific.
Myself, I have mixed feelings about middle names. If I am using an honorific name, it is going in the middle spot. But I’m just as likely to use a name I just think is pretty or makes for nickname possibility (like A.J.). I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to my future kid going by their middle name, but that would not be the intent.
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I’m in the south eastern US and a lot of times middle names are honor names. Mine is, but that’s not to say it’s not a usable name. On the other hand, it’s not common here for people to go by their middle names. In fact it’s much more common to be known by your last name especially if you’re a guy. When I think of someone choosing to go by their middle name I mostly think of a teen or college kid who wants a new identity. (When I was in high school I would have laughed one of my friends if they decided to start going by their middle name!) It’s also common here for married women to drop their middle name and replace it with their maiden name.
Honestly I feel like the middle name spot is a bit of a throw away if it’s not an honor name or at least something meaningful! Hardly anyone ever sees it or knows it and if you’re a women it’s likely to get replaced.
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In my experience, most people’s middle names are either names their parents just liked or honour names for family members. I’ve never really thought of middle names as just being “back-ups”, probably because I don’t know very many who go by them. In these cases, I believe it was either a family tradition to go by their middle name or it was a completely unexpected choice of theirs.
If I ever have children, I plan on using the middle name spot as a place for honour names. For me, middle names are the chance to be connected to my family and honour certain traditions without having to call my child by a name I don’t love as much. In my family at least, I find that first names are where parents just choose a name they love, and middles are where they have the choice to use honourifics.
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I don’t have a middle name (because they’re not a thing in my country), but I love the idea.
Want to honour someone but don’t want to call them the same thing? [name_f]Honour[/name_f] in the middle. [name_u]Love[/name_u] the name but hate possible nicknames? Use it as a middle. [name_u]Love[/name_u] the name but it’s very out there and/or hard to pronounce? Use it as a middle.
I don’t see them as back ups, though. @kasatka shared her experience about going by her middle name and it sounds like a big pain.
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Ok, here are my thoughts.
For me personally, I don’t see the middle names as a backup option, but that is probably because all of the names I love are pretty “safe.” If I was using more unusual names upfront, I would balance it out with a common name so they have something to fall back on. For my own list, my middle names are my guilty pleasures: names that I absolutely love, but are to out there for a first name!
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I never even considered going by my middle name. It is largely a non-option because one is an honor name very much tied to a dead relative that would probably be weird for family members to associate with me in that way.
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I don’t have a middle name since it’s not very common in my country. To be honest Iam not sure I want to give my children one. It looks quite long on Greek papers. If I did, it would definitely be an honour name.
To be honest I like the idea of having a middle name as a back up option. I actually know a couple of girls who went by their middle names because their firsts was very common. My cousin in middle school choose to go by her middle name cause they were at least three with her first name in class.
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For me personally with the exception of my eldest. His middle name is [name_u]George[/name_u] ( after my mum who is [name_f]Georgina[/name_f]) I don’t feel inclined to go with an honour name as a middle name ( unless I realllly loved and wanted to honour that person) in case of my mum. I think sometimes honour names are used as middle name spots despite the parent not necessarily liking the name much? It is kinda the expected thing to do here in the UK.
[name_f]My[/name_f] main criteria for picking a middle name is 1. Flow, so that both names sound good together and don’t sound mismatched. 2. A name I equally love as much as the first. Some things I pay attention too are our ancestry ( mine and partners) and this influences our naming style and choices.
Having said this, I find with my aunts and that generation ( born in the 60s) a lot of people are using their middle names as their firsts? Certainly two of my aunts are.
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I have 2 middle names, the second one being my mother’s maiden name, and I enjoy having that piece of my heritage in my name, but it’s always frustrated me that in the US most official documents only have space for one middle name. It’s sad that I hardly get to use the second middle. So I think in the future I would only want to give m kids one middle name so that the second one doesn’t get lost in a long name.
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I do think middle names are a back up, but they also make the name complete. They can tell a story. They can honor a loved one. They can be brave or classic.
Personally, I have set names that I’m planning to use as middles (one for a boy, one for a girl). But I also have a few “creations” that I would feel remiss giving up. So my kids middles will likely be either the classic name that has been used for generations, or something entirely original and fun like [name_u]Larkspur[/name_u] or [name_u]Solstice[/name_u]. With very little in between😉
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My kids’ middles names aren’t really good for backups because we chose honor names and it would be kind of weird for them to go by them as firsts.
I do understand the concept of middle name being backup if the first name is more “out-there” though.
If I wasn’t using honor middles for my kids I would choose something more unusual for fun. 
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The [name_u]Royal[/name_u] family definitely uses middle names as back ups, but I don’t think the rest of the [name_f]English[/name_f] speaking world does. I only know one person that goes by his middle name, and he has since he was born (I think it was a decision of flow). Most traditional [name_f]English[/name_f] names have loads of nicknames, even when they’re short. The most basic [name_f]English[/name_f] names are probably [name_m]John[/name_m] and [name_f]Mary[/name_f] who might also go by: [name_m]Jack[/name_m], [name_u]Jackie[/name_u], [name_m]Johnny[/name_m], [name_f]May[/name_f], Mitsy, [name_f]Mayme[/name_f], [name_f]Molly[/name_f], or [name_f]Polly[/name_f].
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My dad goes by his middle name exclusively, so much so that until I was about 10, I didn’t know that his middle name wasn’t his legal first 
He goes by his middle because each of his parents had a top name and they couldn’t decide what to use, his dad’s choice went first, my grandma’s went in the middle, and her choice became his regular name for some reason 
My mom’s grandmother also only went by her middle name because she hated her first ([name_f]Lillian[/name_f]) and when I went to do an ancestry search for her, I couldn’t actually find her because she (illegally?) changed her name on her marriage certificate and my grandmother’s birth certificate - it appeared as though she just disappeared after a census when she was in her late teens during the 1920s and then reappeared when she passed away in the 1990s 
For me, it’s a chance to use the names that don’t work up front for me, or to use more names that I like, or to honour family 
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Hi berries! So my account was suspended for an “alt account”, which I don’t have. I created a new one.
@itsjustjack Yes, I see what you’re saying. Haha, I’m new to this middle names culture though! xx
@futuremama Good point! Yes, I don’t see why kids shouldn’t be able to choose. xx
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@Readandrun many people have brought up family names. I added it into the post. Thanks for your opinion! xx
@hellobanjo Honestly, I think if one decides to go change their middle name in Secondary, it’s hard because everyone knows that person as their first. In my children’s case, they changed it before they started school. Yes, I know a few people who have a maiden name as a middle. I think most middle names are meaningful, I don’t know though. xx
@Gia.berry Many people have brought up honour names, though I don’t think people should be limited to only using a family name. Not that you said that. xx
@ethelmary Yeah, middles aren’t quite “a thing” in my country either. I mean, if patronymic names count. xx
This is a really interesting thread!
In my experience, I’ve seen a lot of what the other berries are saying (for reference, I’m from the northeast US, DH is from the south, and we currently live in [name_u]California[/name_u]) so I won’t reiterate what’s already been said except to agree that I feel like middles are predominately 1) honor names, 2) names that just sound good with the first (ie. [name_f]Rose[/name_f], [name_u]Marie[/name_u], [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f], [name_u]James[/name_u] etc) or 3) names that are too common or too out there for the parents to want as a first.
But I did want to chime in with a trend I’ve been seeing recently which I think is somewhat like you’re saying with back up names and that’s the pairing a unisex first with a gendered middle or vice versa a gendered first with a unisex middle. This isn’t new, but I feel like the attitude behind it is maybe changing but I’ve heard some of my friends/people in my age group who are having kids choosing combos that are one unisex and one gendered in order to give their children options as they grow up - in case they don’t feel that their very feminine/masculine first name fits them or their super unisex first name is the bane of their existence. (Though that’s definitely not every one - for example, I have a unisex first and a gendered honor middle that was chosen specifically to honor my aunt and to make my name look gendered on paper, not because my mom wanted to give me the back up option.)
TL;DR (lol): I feel like the majority of people I know have honor middles or middles that “flow” nicely with very little thought going into the child ACTUALLY using that name for anything other than official documentation.
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