Thoughts on naming after deceased siblings?

Girl Names
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i’m considering naming this baby after her deceased siblings, and need honest opinions. [name_f]My[/name_f] 3 yr old daughter is also named after 3 sets of granparent who all have the same middles names :slight_smile: so i’d like this babys name to have sentimental meaning also…

i have two babies who’ve passed, one stillborn daughter at 19 weeks and my son who passed at 3.5. There names were [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u]

I’m considering naming this baby

[name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f]

as a play on their names… do you think that this is enough of a change to give her own identity? thoughts on [name_f]Emme[/name_f] (pronoucned [name_f]Emmie[/name_f])

is this a sweet tribute or heavy burden?

thanks!!

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[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t do it.

Aside from the heavy burden, which it would be, there is a touch of the ‘replacement child’ about that. Might not be that way for you, but it might seem that way from the outside, or worse, to your child.

Give the kid a name that’s all their own, or like your older child, related to older generations.

That said, [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f] is a cute name. Without the family associations it’d be nice.

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thank you, i appreciate your thoughts.

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I think it could go 2 ways and you won’t know til it might me too late. In one way it might be a source of comfort for you but like the other poster said, it might make the child feel like a replacement. It is a lovely name in itself but I might be more inclined to have something completely different.

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i can’t come up with any unique names… i feel like my daughters named after people i love, arbitarily picking a name seems unfair to this baby. I like names that have meaning behind them.

but as far as a replacement… Thats why i attempted to change the names, to create a unique name while still paying tribute to the siblings. but i am torn, about it, thats why i asked. I appreciate your opionions. its good to get an outside perspective.

6

I’m sorry for your losses.

What is your 3-year-old’s name?

I think the other posters make good points, but I think if you decide to do this, you can pay tribute to [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u] without using such close names. [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] means “work,” as do [name_f]Amalia[/name_f], [name_f]Amelia[/name_f], [name_u]Mason[/name_u], and [name_f]Melisande[/name_f]. [name_u]Kyle[/name_u] is a Scottish unisex name, as are [name_u]Ainsley[/name_u], [name_u]Cameron[/name_u], [name_u]Campbell[/name_u], [name_u]Kenzie[/name_u], [name_u]Paisley[/name_u], and [name_u]Skye[/name_u]. You could combine these into a name that is pleasing with your older daughter’s name, like [name_f]Amalia[/name_f] [name_u]Skye[/name_u], [name_u]Paisley[/name_u] [name_f]Amelia[/name_f], [name_u]Skye[/name_u] [name_f]Amelia[/name_f], or [name_u]Ainsley[/name_u] [name_f]Melisande[/name_f].

Or, you could use birth flowers or birth stones for [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u].

7

I’d give her a first name chosen strictly because you like it, and put [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f] in the middle. [name_f]Vivienne[/name_f] [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f], [name_f]Matilda[/name_f] [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f], or [name_f]Cassandra[/name_f] [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f], for instance.

8

my 3 year olds name is [name_f]Annslee[/name_f]… thanks everyone for your input.

[name_f]Amelia[/name_f] and [name_f]Matilda[/name_f] is on my name list :slight_smile:

[name_u]Kyle[/name_u] is also my husbands name, my son was a jr. we called him KJ.

i feel like i should note that this child definetly doesn’t feel like a replacement, both of my deceased children had significant birth defects/brain issues. my daughter wasn’t actually given a birth certificate or real name, we just named her. my son suffered a brain injury, and was never mobile or verbal. i don’t really even know “who” they were. so its not really possible to replace that, if that makes sense.

again, i really appreciate your input. i’m really struggling to name this little girl.

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Wow, that must have been so very hard for you and your family. [name_f]My[/name_f] thoughts are with you. If you would like to honor someone with this little girl’s name, are there other people you feel like you would like to honor (other than [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u] [name_m]Jr[/name_m].), like yourself and your husband, or other grandparents, siblings, etc.? I think you are perfectly justified in honoring [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u] if you feel like that is what you want to do, and I don’t think anyone is saying that your little girl to-be is a replacement (of course she isn’t!); I think the worry is that, down the line, if she sees that her name is so similar to those of [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u], that could be really powerful for her in a good way, or it could make her feel like a replacement. You just never know.

You could give your little girl the initials K and E for [name_u]Kyle[/name_u] and [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f]. Something like [name_f]Kira[/name_f] or [name_f]Kaia[/name_f], [name_f]Elora[/name_f], [name_f]Ella[/name_f], [name_f]Estella[/name_f], [name_u]Ever[/name_u]? Or, perhaps another name ending in -lyn, such as [name_f]Adalyn[/name_f], [name_f]Madelyn[/name_f], [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u], [name_f]Marilyn[/name_f]? [name_m]Even[/name_m] the -line ending would work: [name_f]Aveline[/name_f], [name_f]Adeline[/name_f], [name_f]Coraline[/name_f], [name_f]Caroline[/name_f], [name_f]Eveline[/name_f], [name_f]Madeline[/name_f], [name_f]Rosaline[/name_f], etc. For [name_u]Kyle[/name_u], maybe a name with a similar sound, like [name_f]Kaia[/name_f], [name_u]Skye[/name_u], [name_f]Maia[/name_f], [name_f]Lyla[/name_f], [name_f]Myra[/name_f], etc.

Or, a name meaning sister? Like [name_f]Adelphia[/name_f]? I know it’s a lot of name, so it could be a middle name. Or a first name, and she could go by [name_f]Ada[/name_f], [name_f]Addie[/name_f], or [name_f]Adele[/name_f].

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I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Nothing can replace what you’ve lost, but I’m glad you have some happiness coming your way.

I agree that the “replacement” thing is a matter of how your child may perceive her name (or may not!), NOT something you would ever think as parents - because no parent would ever think that one child could replace another. She may also love having a name connected to her siblings. If, when she comes, your heart says that [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f] is right, it is a sweet name and a sweet sentiment.

To sum up the other ways you could pay tribute if you have misgivings about [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f]:

  • Use the siblings’ birth months, birth stones, or birth flowers
  • Use other names with the same meaning as the siblings’ names
  • Give this baby the same initials as her siblings
  • Use a different first name, with these names in the middle

You could also choose names that use only letters that are in [name_f]Emelyn[/name_f] and [name_u]Kyle[/name_u]. Some thoughts:

  • [name_u]Keely[/name_u] / [name_u]Keeley[/name_u]
  • [name_f]Elle[/name_f] / [name_f]Ellen[/name_f] / [name_f]Elly[/name_f]
  • [name_u]Nelly[/name_u]
  • [name_f]Keelyn[/name_f]
  • Myelle
  • [name_u]Kelly[/name_u]
  • [name_f]Kenley[/name_f]
  • Meleny

Is there a variation on your first or middle name that you like? I’m thinking since [name_f]Kyla[/name_f] is a variation on her dad’s name, you could also use [name_f]Kyla[/name_f] as a middle name and a variation on your name as the first, so the meaning of her name is that it ties her parents’ names together.

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those are all great ideas! thanks :slight_smile:

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I love it! I think that it will give her a connection to her siblings that she won’t meet. I love the name [name_f]Emme[/name_f] [name_f]Kyla[/name_f]! Would you give her a third name like your other daughter?

Your daughter is going to have a very special name!

13

I really wouldn’t do it…

If it were YOUR siblings yes, but otherwise no.

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I would use them as mns. I’m trying to think this from the child’s perspective, and I guess I’d love to have my older siblings’ names as middle names, but I’d definitely want my own first name to use :slight_smile:

15

Back in the days when infant and child deaths were unfortunately very common, this was a normal practice. I actually think it’s a great idea, but like others would use them in the middle slot (give the new baby girl three names in total).

I think nowadays people are so unfamiliar and uncomfortable with death-- especially baby deaths-- that they like to brush them under the rug. This is especially common with stillbirths, since only you the mother had any experience of the child. People say all sorts of things that they mean to be helpful, like “it wasn’t a real baby” or “you can have another,” while in the meantime you’re screaming inside that you want people to recognize and validate your lost baby. The same is true for severely challenged children like your son [name_u]Kyle[/name_u]. Serious handicaps also make many people uncomfortable and in the same way people can dehumanize the child and you the parents may feel like you’re the only people who really knew and cared for him.

All that to say, you want to feel like their little lives meant something. You want the wider world to remember them. In the olden days, before photographs, the only record of a deceased child would often be his parents’ memories and his name passed on to his siblings. Obviously that’s not the case now but it’s still a wonderful way to memorialize them.

Personally I think it’s a much more interesting story to say that you were named for a brother and a sister, rather than that you were given a random name plucked from a book. If you named your children after deceased grandparents or other adult relatives, no one would bat an eye and say that you were unconsciously trying to replace those you lost. I see no difference here-- it’s not a replacement, it’s a memorialization, and it’s very precious.

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thank you blade for that very considerate post :slight_smile:

i can see both sides, everyone has made valid points.

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Aww cyber hugs t you hunni!!

I agree with blade, it is precious…

:slight_smile: xxx