My husband and I are trying to decide if we want another child. I know in the end this is entirely my husband’s and my decision, but I thought I’d see if anybody had some thoughts that might tip the scale in favor of one direction or another.
When my husband and I got married, our original plan was to have 2 children. We currently have one little girl (she’s 2 1/2), and based on a lot of other life decisions, if we want another child, it needs to be now or never.
Reasons to have another child: It was our original plan. My husband is slightly in favor of another child (though he admits he would be fine with just one). I am an only child so any grandchildren my parents have must come from me. This also means my daughter won’t have any cousins nearby since my husband’s family lives across the country (and so far none of his siblings have had children, so no cousins there anyway). In addition to not having cousins, we live out in the country and as far as I know, there are no other children my daughter’s age within a mile of the house (though she does get the opportunity to see and play with kids her own age about 2-4 times a week). While I personally didn’t mind being an only child when I grew up, I had neighbors my own age and cousins I saw regularly, so I feel like I was less isolated than my daughter would be.
Reasons not to have another child: I’m scared–pure and simple. We had a really rough start with my daughter. She spent the first 6 weeks of her life crying and not sleeping because she had some undiagnosed food allergies. This began the start of 18 months of rather serious post-partum depression for me (which I pretty much had to deal with by myself because despite reaching out for professional help a couple of times, I just got passed from person to person on the phone and never once managed to get an appointment anywhere). Once we figured out my daughter’s problem, she was much happier, but my life sucked. I had a dreadful day-to-day routine. I won’t get into the details, but it involved a very strict diet for me, a really annoying regiment of breast-pumping, extra doctors appointments, and constant stress and worry because she wasn’t gaining enough weight, yet seemed to be allergic to all the formulas out there so I couldn’t supplement. This is all in addition the typical new baby problems that everyone has. Things have finally calmed down–she outgrew her food allergies and she’s a perfectly healthy, happy child now. But I’m so afraid to go through any of that again. I feel like I just barely got my life back. I can’t even imagine trying to deal with all of that while having a toddler too. Then there are all typical concerns most parents have–sibling rivalry, dealing with jealousy, etc. Those are there too, but much more in the background.
So do I want another child? That answer seems to change by the minute. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have another child; if I got pregnant by accident I certainly wouldn’t be upset. But then I think about how hard everything was, and how hard it might be again, and it seems like having another baby is not worth the risk of having to go through all of that again, especially with a toddler too.
So, does anybody have any insights for me, one direction or another? Because at this point, while it’s not very logical, it seems like my best option is leaving it up to chance for one month and seeing what happens.
My husband is super excited about it and I’m…mostly feeling excited, though also scared, which isn’t surprising given how I was feeling before.