Did you reveal you babies name before it was born?
I’m noticing that amongst my friends and family the trend seems to be keeping the name a secret until the birth. They all say the same thing: “We have the name picked out, but we don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions.”
However, one of the things people constantly ask is: “Did you pick a name yet?” And though at this point I think I would keep it a secret, sometimes I think it would be fun to say “Yes!” and reply instead of saying: “we have a names picked out, but we don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions.”
So what are your experiences? Did you tell or not tell the baby’s name and what would you suggest? And if you did reveal it ahead of time, do people actually give negative reactions?
Most of my friends have a name picked out before they even know the gender and once they find out the gender they let everyone know and call the baby that from there on out. I think that’s a fine way to do it, as it’s easier to get things personalized, etc.
We didn’t tell anyone the name. I guess for me, since we find out the gender, it’s nice to have a little bit of mystery. That, and I live in an area that usually uses either common classics or “trendy” names and my style is a little different. So I didn’t want people to have to fake liking it if they really didn’t. Once he was born everyone was so excited to learn his name and if they didn’t like it they didn’t show it, they were just happy to see that sweet little boy I definitely plan on keeping it a secret for future children. We did find it kind of fun to tell people the letter it started with as some people would guess (a couple even guessed right but we didn’t tell them so!).
For my daughter, we didn’t have her name picked out until a few hours after she was born. We did have a list of names we were considering though, so we shared those when people asked. No one ever said anything negative to us about any of the names. Usually, they just told us which one was their favorite. It was actually a good way to gage which names got the best response, since we told everyone from family/friends to the cashier at Target. We also did a baby name bracket (like they do for basketball) at my baby shower and my husband’s diaper party. It was interesting to see which names were people’s top choices and which never made it past the first round.
For the boy I’m pregnant with now, we’ve basically had the name picked out since conception, so we’ve been telling people. We haven’t had any negative reactions so far. Some people have been quite enthused about the name and others were just, “Oh, that’s nice.” Both sets of grandparents were a bit put off by our middle name choice at first (it’s [name_m]Fox[/name_m], which they think is quite strange) but now that’s it’s been a couple months, they’ve gotten over it and my parents even bought us a onesie with a fox on it for Thanksgiving, so that was nice.
Personally, I’ve never understood the “we know but we’re not telling” thing. If you’ve picked a name that you don’t want to share because you’re worried that most people will have a negative reaction to it, then you probably shouldn’t be naming your kid that anyway. The majority of people I know have shared the name and the ones that didn’t want to share, I don’t know, it always seemed to come off kind of rude to me. If you really don’t want to share, then I would suggest saying that you just haven’t decided yet.
We told our daughter’s name at the baby shower. We have not had any negative reactions to her name. The only person that would have given a negative reaction is my Dh’s grandmother, and my FIL told her that she had to keep her opinions about the name to herself if she didn’t like it.
I think if you want to keep the name a secret you should, it’s really up to you and your SO/DH if you want to tell people or not.
With our first we did not find out the gender. We had names picked out and gave hints (to our immediate family) like it would be a [name_m]German[/name_m] name, the name will honor this person, etc. No one would have guessed [name_f]Rosamund[/name_f], and many struggled with the pronunciation of it. We always planned on giving her the nickname, [name_f]Rosie[/name_f], so that made it easier for the Great-Grandparents and others that couldn’t pronounce her name. For our second daughter, we did find out the gender and also gave hints at first, but then it was killing my mom not to know. So, I told her… the name would be [name_f]Elowen[/name_f]. My mom cried (not in front of me, but afterwards). It was a very, very different and pretty much unheard of name to her… so I guess live and learn. It made me question the name but my husband was steadfast in keeping it [name_f]Elowen[/name_f] no matter what my mother thought. My dad and sister thought it was very pretty and sounded good with [name_f]Rosamund[/name_f], so that helped. By the time [name_f]Elowen[/name_f] was born my mom had gotten used to it and was ok, but I definitely regretted telling her. So… I guess I lean towards keeping the name a secret and waiting until the baby is born. That way harsh opinions and feelings will be muffled by the beautiful baby that has just been introduced. We’re currently expecting our third and we will find out the gender. The names we have picked out are more common than our girls’ so we might actually share, especially the boy name because it’s a name we’ve had for so long we want to make it public and use it before someone else does!
I don’t have kids yet, but I will probably tell people as soon as we’re 100% set on a name. I don’t want to announce a name, have second thoughts, then change it…so it probably won’t be too long before the baby’s born, unless we miraculously reach a final decision before then.
I already expect negative feedback from my family, as both sides of our family tend to prefer more dated names. When I mentioned [name_f]Eliza[/name_f] to my [name_f]MIL[/name_f], she looked horrified, then recommended [name_f]Jessica[/name_f]. When I mentioned [name_u]Everett[/name_u] to my mom, she laughed and laughed and asked if I was kidding. Hopefully they’ll be able to behave themselves better when I’m super pregnant and hormonal, haha
I plan on not telling anyone the gender or name while I’m pregnant. To the pp who said if you’re expecting negative reactions you should reconsider the name, it isn’t always the the name is a crazy, Kr8tyfe mess or is a bad name, its just they know how people in their own sphere will react. My mother is extremely rude about what names people choose for their children and I won’t be having her complain about names I’ve loved for several years.
My in laws insist we use a family name for both first and middle and have already griped when DH has offered up ideas of the names we like. They also have very stereotypical ideas of what is acceptable for a boy and a girl. After seeing the way they’ve taught their children and especially their fifth son who prefers dolls to football, I’m not letting them get a headstart nor am I allowing myself to become lost in a sea of blue or pink.
I disagree that it is somehow rude to tell people that you’re not sharing the name. In my opinion, what IS rude is anyone, even in-laws, thinking they have control over what name the parents pick or some sort of right to know before the baby is born. In fact, there have been too many “My in-laws hate the name we’ve picked” --about completely “normal” names–posted here for me to think it is a good idea to share the name. Personally, I don’t know that I’ll be 100% set on a name until I see the child, so I wouldn’t share anyway. Maybe I’ll tease people with “these are the names that I/my husband likes but we don’t agree on” to give them an idea of our style. But I plan on finding out the gender so it is nice to have something be a surprise, after all, isn’t it?
I dont have a child yet nor am I pregnant yet. But we have decided when the time comes we will not tell anyone. We are the typical “dont want any opinions” since a couple of our names are not common or far out there (to our families at least) and I just do not want anyone swaying our choice in the end. But that is just us! Plus we have a hard time picking one so we have also decided to bring 3 names depending on gender to the hospital to see which one fits.
We revealed both of our children’s names. The only negative reaction we got was from my one stepbrother who felt [name_f]Mary[/name_f] would be confusing since she shares her name with a lot of older relatives. However it wasn’t something we were worried about since the other [name_f]Marys[/name_f] either go by a double name or Grandma or both. Also none of my step-siblings share names before the baby is born and it doesn’t prevent my stepmother from saying negative things about the name afterwards or even refusing to use the chosen nickname. I think if you have somebody in your family who is going to have issues with a name they are going to have issues with it regardless of when they find out about it.
We won’t be telling anyone the name until the baby is born. We’ll seek out opinions from strangers on the internet (here), and maybe a couple close friends that we trust to help narrow our list down, but we won’t make any final decisions public.
And when everyone else asks about it, we’re just replying, “We’re going to name her when we meet her.” Which is complete true–we genuinely plan to do that. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if we’re pretty sure of our choice, we don’t want to lock ourselves into anything in case we change our minds last-minute, or even if the name we think we want just doesn’t seem to fit her when she’s here. We haven’t narrowed it down to one favorite yet, but even if we had (or when we do), I still wouldn’t share that with everyone. Because it’s not actually her name yet.
I think naming a baby should be a private, intimate experience that involves the child herself. I want to see her face and look her in the eyes and give her a name in person. I’m so excited for that moment and it’s important to me that it be one for just the three of us.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] if we were 100% sure of the name now, I feel like it will be more special to announce the name when we introduce the baby to the world. It always feels anticlimactic to me when people announce the name as soon as they know the baby’s gender.
Thanks for all your input! I’ve heard the horror stories about relatives and friends being very vocal about their feelings on certain names. Luckily, I can’t think of any people in my life who may be like that, but you never know. The names we are considering are not so crazy that I think I shouldn’t consider them, but they probably aren’t names that my parents or grandparents would pick. So I’m a bit weary of announcing anything yet. I saw some of you waited to meet the baby to name it, which may be what we end up doing as well. And I really like the idea of maybe letting people in on a few names that are on our list to test the waters.
I think it’s best not to tell. In my experience at least, if people don’t like the babies name, they don’t say anything if the baby is already born. If you reveal the name before, people might try to talk you out of it.
Also, you never know, you might change your minds when you see your baby or something might happen that changes your opinion of the name.
a) The mystery! I know when I see other people’s birth announcements on Facebook or wherever, It’s always more fun to found out the name when the baby is born. When they just tell it outright, it seems to take away some of the anticipation.
b) What if you change your mind? (as mentioned above) A scenerio: ~When you first find out your pregnant, you know that if you have a little boy, he with be [name_m]Robert[/name_m] [name_u]Gary[/name_u] and you’ll call him [name_m]Rob[/name_m], and if it’s a girl, she will be [name_f]Beverly[/name_f] [name_f]Gladys[/name_f] and you’ll call her [name_f]Bev[/name_f]. At the gender reveal party, when you find out it’s a girl, you and DH announce little [name_f]Bev[/name_f]'s name. Most everyone loves the name except for a couple people, but you can’t please everyone, right? From then on, all your baby gifts seem to be personalized; monogrammed blankets, embroidered onesies, etc. You’ve even got [name_f]BEVERLY[/name_f] in big letters across the nursery wall. After a couple months, you seem to not like her name quite as much as you did at the beginning of your pregnancy. But you tell yourself it’s just a phase, it’ll pass. [name_f]Beverly[/name_f] [name_f]Gladys[/name_f] is already her name. Before you know it, you give birth to little [name_f]Bev[/name_f]. But when you and DH look at her, [name_f]Beverly[/name_f] doesn’t fit. You realize you still don’t love the name as much as you did. You want to name her [name_f]Margot[/name_f] [name_f]Christine[/name_f]. But can you? Everyone knows your little bump as [name_f]Bev[/name_f], could they all of the sudden switch to knowing her as [name_f]Margot[/name_f]? And what do you do with all of the stuff that says [name_f]Beverly[/name_f] on it?~
It’s all personal opinion, though, really. There isn’t a right way or a wrong way, it just depends on the couple!
As the family or friend of the new baby, I usually prefer for the name to be a surprise. You know, since it is all about me, right?
For nieces and nephews, I am going to be so excited anyhow and then I just feel honored if the parents share the name in advance. But in most cases, it is more exciting if the parents don’t share the name until the baby is born.
I think that when most people ask the name, they are really trying to make conversation. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] names are lots of fun to talk about. So when we were going through this ourselves, I would usually say, “we like names like these, what names do you like?” Or, “if you had a baby today, what would you name him?” Most people have a lot to say about names and naming and this always got a positive response.
I do think it can come off as rude to say “we know but we’re not telling.” That statement can also be delivered graciously, just keep in mind that no one is attacking you, your naming ideas are not a state secret, they are just trying to express interest.
A nice way to say it is, “well, we have some great ideas, but we want to meet our little miracle before announcing it.”
Keep in mind that you might really change your mind when the baby is born. Many people have a definite idea, but then find the name doesn’t quite fit. Not saying you will, but it might be nice to not have things actually monogrammed ahead of time just in case.
People really do feel more free with their negative opinions before the birth certificate is signed. This isn’t just the case with unusual names. People will also offer negative feedback if the name is too common, if they don’t like the way it sounds, or if they knew someone in third grade named that and she stole their milk money.
With our son we didn’t tell anyone at all. My [name_f]MIL[/name_f] was constantly asking us about the name as she wanted to personalise some gifts for him but we just said that we hadn’t committed to anything. We felt it was best that way in case he didn’t suit the name when he was born, and we’ll be doing the same this time too
I knew from the beginning that I didn’t want to name our baby until we met him. After TTC for 4+ years, I was nervous throughout the pregnancy that something would go wrong, and it almost seemed like I would “curse” the pregnancy by giving our son a name before meeting him. That’s a little extreme, I’m sure, but that’s my story!
We had people ask us constantly if we’d chosen a name, and our answer was always “We will name him when we meet him.” I felt like most people were just trying to make polite conversation by asking, and that answer was sufficient. Some people, mostly close friends and family members, would push further by asking if we had a Top 5 or what were some of our favorite names. Sometimes we would throw out names just to gauge their reactions, and sometimes we would just say we hadn’t really narrowed it down yet.
A week before our son was born, we had a Top 3, but still didn’t want to commit until we met him. However, that week I had a dream where he was born and I actually saw his little face and knew he was a [name_m]Simon[/name_m]. I woke my husband up and said “Our son’s name is [name_m]Simon[/name_m],” and he said “[name_m]Simon[/name_m] it is, then,” and went back to sleep Once we had decided, we told my mom, dad, twin sister and brother, but kept it a secret from everyone else. It was so fun to get to “introduce” our son along with his first official photo. We have gotten nothing but compliments on his name, and we love it so much!
All I can say is, don’t let anyone pressure you into revealing the name if you don’t want to. I occasionally would feel guilty not telling, but then I realized that it’s really not anyone else’s business! They are just being curious (or nosy, depending on the person lol), and that’s ok, but you don’t have to feel obligated to tell anyone before you are ready.
We have had names picked out for a while. Once we knew gender, he had a name already. Our immediate family and a few close friends know his name and we’ve had positive reactions. As far as telling anyone else or posting it on Facebook, we’ll be waiting until he’s here.
My sister wanted to keep the name a secret. When they first picked out their top 2 baby names (1 girl and 1 boy) they just happened to both start with the letter E ([name_m]Ethan[/name_m] [name_m]Jackson[/name_m] & [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u] [name_f]Sophia[/name_f]), so we started calling it [name_u]Baby[/name_u] E. Once we found out it was a boy, we obviously stuck with [name_u]Baby[/name_u] E, but if you chose names that didn’t start with the same letter you could just switch to which ever gender you found out you were having.
It was fun because every time my family got together we would try to guess all the names we thought it could be. Names such as [name_m]Ethan[/name_m], [name_m]Eli[/name_m], [name_f]Emma[/name_f], [name_f]Erica[/name_f], and even Eeyore and [name_m]Ebert[/name_m] were thrown out. It made a fun game for us for the next couple of months.
I want to do the same thing. However both of our first pick names start with letter that are a little too obvious ([name_f]Zoey[/name_f] for a girl and [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] for a boy). Because of that we are just going to stick with [name_u]Baby[/name_u] J (our last name starts with J) to throw people off.
Thanks everyone! Great stories and suggestions. So far we’ve decided to stay quiet about it, (as many of you recommended) but when people ask sometimes we give a few guilty pleasure-type names to throw people off. Its fun to see the reactions. Some people are super polite and others not so much.
I definitely plan on keeping it a secret for future children. We did find it kind of fun to tell people the letter it started with as some people would guess (a couple even guessed right but we didn’t tell them so!).