[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone! [name_f]My[/name_f] little one just turned three, and I am still agonizing over his name choice. Is it far too late to change it at this point, or should we just make the decision and get it done?
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I would say it depends on your level of unease and the specificity of your concerns. Is it a general anxiety that a better name might be out there or have you learned something specific about this name (too popular, a relative also used it, it has a meaning you didnât know about previously) that makes this specific name unusable? Also do you have a new name already in mind that you feel amazing about or do most new names not feel good either?
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Generally I would say it probably isnt a good idea at this point, they already identify themselves and are developing their own identity.
There would be some exceptionsâŠ
- If the name has/will have a negative impact on their life I would change it.
- If you call them consistently by another name already and you want to change their name to that one itâd probably be fine.
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You might just use a common nickname like [name_m]Chip[/name_m], [name_m]Skip[/name_m], [name_m]Bud[/name_m], [name_m]Sonny[/name_m] / [name_f]Sunny[/name_f], B, or J (whatever the initial is).
A former neighbor was named after his dad, and the dad found this confusing in actual daily use. So one day when the neighbor was 3 or 4, the dad said, âHow âbout we start calling you Chip?â So, heâs [name_m]Chip[/name_m]. He remembers the conversation, but he wasnât traumatized.
So, we were really torn between two names when he was born. We went with one name initially at the hospital but were unsure and ended up calling him the second name. So we changed it very quickly officially within a few weeks of him being born. [name_f]My[/name_f] worry over the first name was that it was quite unusual and no one could ever say it / understand it, which gave me anxiety of him being bullied or teased etc. Well it turns out the opposite situation has happened now. The name we chose for him is so popular, everywhere we go there seem to be three or four other children with his name and itâs driving me crazy. I wish we had stuck with our first choice! I am ok with people thinking we are crazy if we change it again, lol, but Iâm worried for him. Since he is three now, he knows his name. He even gets upset if you call him anything other than his name, since heâs very much in the forming his identity stage. Have I just missed the window and lessons learned on this? At the end of the day, I suppose itâs not a bad name per se if itâs so popular⊠but I think about it daily still and regret my decision. How important is this? Is he going to be miserable when he goes to school and is one of multiple kids with the same name?
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I think you kind of answered the question yourself here. If he gets upset when you call him the wrong name then yes itâs too late to change his name. You could however add the other name as a middle name and then if he starts school or if he finds it annoying in any other social situation where there are lots of other people with his name, then he can use the middle name instead.
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I think you have probably missed the boat
Unfortunately, I do think itâs too late to change it, since he gets upset when his name isnât used.
Whether he will mind his name popularity is something we just donât know. I know some people who really dislike their name due to its popularity and go by a nickname instead, and I also know people who couldnât care less 
I wouldnât worry about it at this stage since you canât predict what his attitude will be like in the future.
[name_m]An[/name_m] idea that does come to mind is that you could maybe legally add the unusual name you decided against as a middle name? So he has a more unique option for when heâs older, if thatâs what youâre really concerned with. And you could maybe try sometimes using that name to refer to him in the future if heâs less against his existing name not being used, as a nickname.
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I really feel for you on this because name regret / angst is so real, especially in the early postpartum days. I think as others have said, if he doesnât like being called anything else, it is part of his identity so I think his current name should stay as his legal first name.
I do think you should add the original name you picked as a legal middle name, even if you end up with two middles. I think there is no harm in doing this and if youâre still hung up on it at this stage I think it will put to rest those feelings as it will still be a part of his name. You could even test calling him by that middle name as a playful nickname over time and see how he responds and take it from there.
At three, yes, unless youâre changing it to something with the same nickname he already uses, adding a middle, or just changing a spelling
If you change it now, your son is at the age of psychological development and cognitive reasoning where he will
A) start to regress socially
B) resent you for changing the identity that is special to him. And will most likely continue using his old name, because to him, his name is his identity and someone else changing it without his permission will not be official to him, and at this age, his internal reasoning will imply that he wasnât good enough beforehand, causing some feelings of self doubt, mistrust, or cause damage to his confidence, even if you do not see it, it does manifest and plants seeds of confusion that could be a detriment on his future self identity
C) cause severe confusion
Regardless of if its what you and your husband want to do, you have to remember that your toddler is a real person that is developing and has emotions that are a big deal to them.
At this point, it would be a selfish to put your own preferences above treating him as the person he has already started to develope into
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Iâd say the ship has sailed now. At 3, his name has become a part of him completely, he knows his name and as you said, cries if other people call him something else. I donât think it would be fair on him at all to change it now. If he wants to change it when heâs older, thatâs up to him, but he may be fine with being one of a few with the same name.
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Oh sweet pea Iâm so sorry youâre going through this!
Naming is such a challenging task. I found naming my daughter really hard. I felt so unsettled surrounding the choice and still have pangs of anxiety about her name. My daughterâs name is Lilia now individually this choice isnât that popular but gosh there are thousands of Lilyâs (which is understandable she is a beautiful floral choice and her variants are beautiful) and Lily type names, her name does get lost in the crowd. Also it sounds awful but I do cringe when I hear Lily shouted across the playground in the Essex tang that me and everyone in my area has 
I know I shouldnât say this thereâs nothing wrong with the way we speak but I get how you feel regarding cringing at times when you hear your childâs name. At the same time Lilia is still a rare choice to the point that people get confused by her name. People repeatedly butcher her name, confuse her name for other Lily names such as Liliana or Lillian, misspell her name which isnât helped by numerous legitimate spellings of Lilia, question the legitimacy off the name Lilia itself I have been asked whether I made this name up so many times and just refer to as completely different name such as Lila, Leah or Aleah. Due to confusion surrounding Lilia she often gets called Lily so again her name gets lost in the crowd. Itâs tough!
When I named Lilia I did have a lot of reservations and she wasnât the name I envisioned for my daughter (in my mind she was always Rose but I couldnât use her) however me and her dad reached that choice and itâs now part of her identity. I do love the name Lilia and when Iâm feeling all the emotions above I just remember all the plus points concerning Lilia. Ultimately I must have loved the name to feel happy enough to bestow onto my daughter! Then I remind myself off all the gorgeousness that surrounds my Lilia. Ultimately Lilia is a very pretty name and most importantly sheâs my daughterâs name. Just like you my daughter is three years old and itâs part of her identity which just makes the name special as itâs part of my daughter.
I know itâs hard Iâve been there and got the t shirt but honestly I do not believe that you can change a three years oldâs name. A three year oldâs formulated their identity. Their name is a massive part of it they introduce themselves using their name, respond to their name, their friends/teachers/GP/family refer to them by their name and they will soon begin to learn to spell their name. Changing his name will just be too much just like if I changed Liliaâs name it would be too much. I think you need to try and fall in love with this name. Maybe write a list of the reasons why you love that name, reignite the spark you have for the name (I did this) and most importantly embrace the joy of this name being associated with your beautiful boy.
Wishing you all the best
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Yeah if he already identifies himself by this name then I would advise against changing it. But I completely sympathize with you with the name regret. Its fruatrating when you spend so much time agonizing over just the right choice, just have something so out of your control as popularity spoil it. But what can be said for popularity is that if your name is popular you know it muat be a good name. And some kids really love sharing their names! And it sounds like your son likes his name, and really thats whats most important.
However if its just the popularity that gets you, the good news is a âpopularâ name nowadays is no where near the popularity of a âpopularâ name 20/30 years ago.
Also popularity is really affected by location, and thereâs a good chance that your sonâs not going to be in the same place his whole life.
And if it still really really bothers you, thereâs always a nickname option. For example the popular [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] could be [name_m]Theo[/name_m], [name_m]Teddy[/name_m], [name_m]Ted[/name_m], [name_f]TĂ©o[/name_f], [name_m]Luca[/name_m] could be [name_f]Lou[/name_f], [name_m]Luke[/name_m], [name_f]Lux[/name_f], [name_m]Lucky[/name_m], [name_m]William[/name_m] could be [name_m]Will[/name_m], [name_m]Liam[/name_m], [name_m]Leo[/name_m], [name_m]Bill[/name_m], [name_m]Billy[/name_m], Whim etc. Some are more common others more unique and then your son has the option to choose what heâs called?
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It sounds like he is too attached to his name now to change it. If your only frustration with the name is that itâs become very popular, I donât think thatâs enough of a reason to put him through the emotional upheaval and confusion of changing it.
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If youâre going to do it, do it ASAP! About age 3 is when they start to remember things so start the process as soon as you can!
for the reasons you listed, I would say keep their name. If you like his middle name you could try calling him both names to see if he takes to it, then maybe transition to his middle if he really likes it. Other than that, I canât imagine the 3 year olds in my life responding well to us calling them a different name.
No boy is âmiserableâ at school because there is another person with the same name. None. Children know perfectly well that a name is not what makes a person a unique individual and every man I know with a common, easy to spell and pronounce name like James, William Joseph, Thomas, David etc. is very happy with their name.
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