Hi! I’m trans masculine and non-binary, looking for a gender neutral name to use.
I’ve gone through a handful of names over the past few years ever since realizing I’m trans, but I can never find a name to completely stick with. I am genderfluid, so I occasionally feel feminine so I don’t want a name that’s entirely masculine, but I want a gender neutral name. I don’t mind names that are usually more associated with boys as long as it isn’t a very strong sounding name. I like more soft, gentle names.
One name that I used for a very long time is [name_u]Kieran[/name_u]. I really like this name even up until now but it is not a name you ever hear where I live, so I can’t use it without worrying about people taking me seriously. I would like a more common neutral name but not one that is overused like [name_u]Alex[/name_u], [name_u]Sam[/name_u] or [name_u]Aiden[/name_u].
I’ve considered the name [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] and really like it as well but I associate the name with somebody else so I can’t fully attach myself to the name.
Another name I like is [name_u]Ren[/name_u] but I find it too short to use on its own—if you can suggest longer names that [name_u]Ren[/name_u] could be a nickname for that would be great!
Names I have used before:
[name_m]Kaiden[/name_m]
[name_u]Kieran[/name_u]
[name_u]Noah[/name_u]
[name_m]Kian[/name_m]
[name_u]Riley[/name_u]
I would deeply appreciate any help. Thank you!
EDIT: Right now I am considering still using Kieran, then using Ren as a nickname since that is more useable for me.
Thank you! Those are good names. Right now I’m really leaning toward [name_u]Ren[/name_u] so all suggestions for a long version for the name are welcome.
Are Aaron and Erin pronounced the same where you live? If so, that might be a good option for Ren. I’ve encountered Brennan on both boys and girls… but that might be perceived as exclusively masculine depending on where you are.
Bailey and Taylor are very gender neutral in my age group (20-25). If you’re looking for a few more ideas.
[name_m]Reuben[/name_m], [name_m]Ronan[/name_m], [name_u]Robin[/name_u], [name_u]Rohan[/name_u], [name_u]Rowan[/name_u] and [name_m]Rainer[/name_m] could give you [name_u]Ren[/name_u]! Plus I think most sound pretty unisex.
I’m not too good with unisex names but here are some names that don’t sound too masculine:
[name_m]Zane[/name_m]
[name_m]Vaughn[/name_m]
[name_u]Toby[/name_u]
[name_u]Sully[/name_u] ([name_u]Sullivan[/name_u]?)
[name_m]Sol[/name_m] ([name_m]Solomon[/name_m]?)
[name_u]Remy[/name_u]
[name_u]Reese[/name_u]
[name_u]River[/name_u]
[name_u]Percy[/name_u]
[name_u]Noel[/name_u]
[name_u]Niall[/name_u]
[name_m]Maxim[/name_m]
[name_u]Marley[/name_u]
[name_u]Lennon[/name_u]
[name_m]Lucian[/name_m]/[name_m]Lucien[/name_m]
[name_u]Luca[/name_u]
[name_u]Lyle[/name_u]
[name_u]Jem[/name_u]
[name_u]Jude[/name_u]
[name_u]Indigo[/name_u]
[name_m]Hayes[/name_m]
[name_m]Gatsby[/name_m]
[name_u]Finn[/name_u]
[name_m]Ferris[/name_m]
[name_u]Ellis[/name_u]
[name_u]Elliot[/name_u]
[name_m]Emil[/name_m]
[name_m]Davis[/name_m]
[name_u]Dorian[/name_u]
[name_u]Clancy[/name_u]
[name_m]Cy[/name_m] (could be a nickname for many names, [name_m]Cyrus[/name_m], [name_m]Cyprian[/name_m] etc etc)
[name_m]Bennett[/name_m]
[name_m]Arrow[/name_m]
[name_u]Arlo[/name_u]
I wonder where you live, if [name_u]Kieran[/name_u] (to me, a familiar name and I know a couple) would lead to you not being taken seriously.
What about [name_u]Quinn[/name_u]? [name_m]Little[/name_m] bit similar sound to [name_u]Kieran[/name_u] perhaps? Def genderfluid, and not overused.
Personally, I tend to love male names that are gentle, soft, and often end in -a. Think [name_u]Luca[/name_u], [name_u]Alva[/name_u], [name_u]Sequoia[/name_u]. I think they lend themselves to some genderfluidity as well.
I also love the pp’s suggestion of [name_m]Torin[/name_m]! One of my current favorites!
I live in the Philippines! Western names are common here but I’ve never seen anyone with Irish names here, unfortunately.
It’s a shame because I still really do love [name_u]Kieran[/name_u] as a name and it feels so comfortable but I can’t bring myself to use it in person. With friends and strangers online, it’s not an issue, but locally, I worry about being judged.
I know a self-identified queer person who was named [name_m]Warren[/name_m] at birth and now goes by [name_u]Wren[/name_u]. I think if you want a name that’s traditionally considered masculine but can easily shorten to a gender-neutral nickname, [name_m]Warren[/name_m], nn [name_u]Wren[/name_u]/[name_u]Ren[/name_u] works. I’ve also seen [name_u]Ren[/name_u] offered as a nn for both the masculine names [name_u]Lawrence[/name_u]/[name_m]Lorenzo[/name_m] and the feminine name [name_f]Lauren[/name_f]. Perhaps there’s a pair of names you like that both work with the same gender-neutral nickname, and you could use any of the three, depending on how you identify that day? Fwiw, initials are always gender-neutral, and I find some initial-nicknames really charming!
All that being said, I think [name_u]Kieran[/name_u] flies as a gender-neutral name and it’s common enough where I live (northeastern U.S.) that no one would raise an eyebrow if you introduced yourself as such.
Best of luck! Re-naming oneself is a lot harder than we’d expect it to be, eh?
There’s also [name_m]Kiran[/name_m], which is an [name_f]Indian[/name_f] name - no idea whether that would feel more appropriate living in the Philippines? Might not feel appropriate if you’re a Westerner either? But perhaps [name_u]Kieran[/name_u] is less of a big deal if people are maybe familiar with [name_m]Kiran[/name_m]?