We are planning to TTC starting in [name_u]June[/name_u]. I am really excited and I am starting to realize that many of the fears I have going into this (morning sickness, SIDS, PPD,PPA, sleeplessness, etc.) are fears I will always have, and not a reason to put off TTC.
However I am still worried about … And this will sound ridiculous I know… Travel.
My husband and I got married young and we were planning on doing a lot before having kids. We always wanted kids but we just hadn’t planned on them so soon. The main thing we had planned to do is travel. I have always dreamed of going to [name_f]Italy[/name_f], Greece, Croatia, [name_f]India[/name_f], [name_f]China[/name_f], [name_f]England[/name_f], [name_f]Ireland[/name_f]. And with just one baby, it is so do-[name_m]Able[/name_m]. Culture is so important to us and id love to immerse [name_u]Jameson[/name_u] is cultures and languages and new places from as early on as possible. I’d also love to send him to a language immersion school. All of this is totally possible with one child. With two it gets much more expensive and a little more complicated. I know we won’t be able to do all that we want to do with 2.
Added on to that, I am also worried about sharing my love and attention. I know it is normal but I just feel so guilty. It seems cruel to willingly take away attention and time from [name_u]Jameson[/name_u] and give it to another baby. I know it’s not, but I still feel that way.
I really want [name_u]Jem[/name_u] and the next baby to be close in age- that is important to me in going forward with having another one. I don’t want to ‘start all over again’… I much prefer the toddler and child stage to the baby stage and so I’d love to get the diapers and sleepless nights out of the way!
Travel can be done with four, its more expensive, but do-able. You might not be able to afford the trips you’d like to go on right now, but you can find other places to visit that are closer to home and less expensive.
Have you taken any of these trips with [name_u]Jem[/name_u]? Why not take the family to Croatia before [name_u]June[/name_u], see how it goes? I think that whether travel is doable with multiple (or any) small kids has mostly to do with the parents. [name_m]How[/name_m] flexible are you about things like nap and bedtime? Are you imagining strolling through museums in Croatia, or sitting on the beach?
We traveled before we started into the small kids phase. We would like to travel again, but I don’t think we could be flexible enough. When [name_m]Lev[/name_m] is older, I think its something we could all enjoy together. I am thinking age 10 is a good time to start for us, but we will see how it goes.
We do know families who travel internationally with multiple kids. Financially, it is really a matter of priorities for most people. I mean, obviously, I am not talking about if you are under the poverty level. There are financial hurdles not easily overcome. But for instance, we know a family that travels extensively with their small children (ages 7 and 3.) They don’t own a car and they live in a small apartment instead of buying a house. They’ve just chosen to make travel the one thing that they spend money on. You of course don’t have to be so all or nothing about it, but it is usually a question of where your money goes.
Traveling internationally with kids wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We went to Utila, Honduras when [name_m]Zach[/name_m] was not quite 10 months, so we had all four kids with us. To be completely honest I was kind of dreading it before we went. My husband is an adventurous, optimistic type; I am…not-so-much. He had been to Utila and elsewhere in Central [name_u]America[/name_u] before but it had been more than a decade since then.
It took two commercial flights and one small private “puddle-jumper” to get from Los [name_f]Angeles[/name_f] to Utila (alternatively, you can take a ferry or charter from Roatan; the ferry is rumored to be choppy and takes hours longer). Huge, huge pain in the butt, even without kids. But once we got there, the snorkeling was some of the very best in the world. Really glad the kids got to see those reefs and experience those things with us.
Most crucial things you’ll need for successful international travel with young kids: #1. SENSE OF HUMOR #2. flexibility/willingness to miss some of the things you’d wanted to see, for the sake of keeping your children comfortable #3. organization
It’s hard but not impossible.
Also, it’s probably best to prioritize one or two major trips instead of thinking you will get to all those places. Maybe you guys are superstars, but honestly, it’s probably not going to happen that you’ll visit that many countries even in the next few decades if you’re like most mortals.
I had the exact same worries as you when we first starting trying for our second child. I, too, am a lover of travelling and culture, and wanting to see the world as much as possible, and I can totally say that with three children (!) is is totally do-able. When our youngest was almost a year old, we took a trip to [name_f]Italy[/name_f]- just a small 2 hour flight (we live in the UK), nothing big but certainly something to be nervous about! The things that I would recommend whilst travelling would be:
Take as much ‘distraction’ items as possible! Colouring books, notepads, books, toys etc. Anything that will keep them preoccupied. Have as many as you can carry and only hand them out one at a time! When your child gets bored of it, you can take another toy out your bag.
Understand that children may not be as adaptable as adults are. When they’re young, children don’t understand the concept of time and body clocks and some react better than others to different time zones. For example, for our 5 year anniversary, we went to [name_f]Canada[/name_f] with the two children that we had at the time. [name_m]Grayson[/name_m] was awful! He didn’t sleep at night everything was just all out of sorts for him. Lochie, on the other hand, was brilliant and adapted to the new time zone very quickly. It all depends on the child!
I would certainly recommend going on shorter flights when the kids are young and then building up the hours as they get older.
We have already taken [name_u]Jem[/name_u] on two trips thus far- both within the U.S. The first trip was only an hour plane ride when he was a month old, and the second trip was to [name_m]New[/name_m] [name_f]England[/name_f], about a 4 hour plane ride, last month.
I don’t think I am quite so worried about the logistics of travel. I’m really comfortable with the two parent: 2 children ratio. I think it is more monetarily. For a trip to Europe or any other place out of the country, it could mean a few extra thousand dollars to bring another child! We aren’t poor but we also live modestly. I suppose, like it was brought out, it is a matter of priority. Could we go to another country every year with a family of four? No. [name_f]Every[/name_f] few years? That could be a possibility. Unfortunately a lot of our family is spread out in the U.S. so I feel like we are constantly making our rounds- [name_f]Arizona[/name_f], [name_m]New[/name_m] [name_f]England[/name_f], next will be [name_u]California[/name_u] in [name_f]April[/name_f] and then [name_m]Washington[/name_m] in [name_u]June[/name_u], and we will probably finish off the year in [name_m]Hawaii[/name_m] next winter to see family that haven’t met [name_u]Jem[/name_u] still. If we didn’t have to take any of those trips we could’ve saved to go somewhere foreign! Maybe every time we get a little extra money, it could go towards a ‘special trip’ fund. Can we say tax returns?!
With a little more thought, though, how could you ever regret having a child over doing something else? I certainly don’t regret (and never could) having [name_u]Jem[/name_u] over traveling.
I have a huge (extended) family and have this issue, too, though most of them are in one place. If we visited everyone as much as we should, we would absolutely have no money left over for ourselves.
One thing you can try to do is plan (very far in advance) your trip and try to convince some of your family to meet you there. Give them a few years’ notice, ideally, but stick to your plans and make it happen.