Planning and discussion is perhaps the one visible bit of control we have over all of this for sure, thatās why these forums exist to give people a voice and to express themselves. If the conversation doesnāt do anything for people then there is no expectation to comment
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Hi, since all those bullet points were fully directed at me based on the private message that you initiated when I ādidnāt acknowledge your reply in the main threadā, Iād like to point out that I donāt think itās beyond the realm of being frustrated when within a visible, 30 minute timespan you ignored messages where I specifically said I am not trying for a certain time and I donāt have specific cycles and just provided standard advice. I know you read them, because you specifically tagged me in responses about what I had said.
Point 1. I didnāt ask you for fertility advice. You gave it, and I told you it wouldnāt work for me. I didnāt think it would turn into this.
Point 2 I covered above. Anyone can hover over the timestamps and see that.
Point 3. [name_f]My[/name_f] having issues with conceiving DOES center around efforts to conceive. So in theory, this thread should be for me. I didnāt discourage anyone or ask anyone anyone to stop talking about anything, or stop posting BFPs or whatever. I actually love the true positivity and the kindness that I was given when I started talking about some of my other health issues and personal issues. And I try to take the time to read most if not all of the comments on this thread to try to keep up, even if Iām not replying to them all directly. I said I canāt relate. And there isnāt anything wrong with that.
This thread and ones like it are just standard in this community, and have been for as long as Iāve been here (a lot longer than the 3 years I have been TTC) and Iāve finally felt comfortable starting to talk about whatās going on. This just put a really sour taste in my mouth. Iām simply not going to be positive and excited all the time, and I donāt think I should be ostracized for that.
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I also mentioned that you might be trying to explain yourself or the purpose of this thread. I also said I donāt know your intention and that the guidelines for this thread werenāt clearly defined until your reply with a numbered response.
I havenāt said that Iām looking for infertility or medical information or that infertility was my primary focus. I said that I have felt like there was limited discussion and perspective. Hereās me being honest for a moment. Iām in the middle of a health concern following a miscarriage and am undergoing some additional testing. The forum I shared is a place where these topics, and other TTC health issues are discussed more frequently and if anyone is struggling to conceive they might also benefit from that community. I donāt expect my health concerns to be discussed here. I was offering a space that has additional resources as did another user.
Nothing Iāve said isnāt supportive of a BFP or said that this thread should focus more on the difficulties of TTC or specific health concerns.
I said it felt confrontational, not that you were confrontational. Iām sorry if you found my message passive aggressive. Its not my intention. I participate in other threads and have causally followed this thread but never felt like it was a place where Iād fit. Iāve gone back and forth about sharing but never took the leap. I get how that looks like some random interloper. I wanted to share my perspective because @stephaniebrookeās comment deeply affected me and made me realize that I wasnāt the only person having a hard time. I really did think saying something could be an opportunity to expand the conversation and that there could be others whoād like to see this thread diversify or see additional participation. No thread can ever give every user what they need but Iād love to be a part of a thread that does allow for more discussion and diversity in discussion.
Thanks for giving me a chance to clarify.
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Iām sorry that we seem to have somehow devolved into a bit of an argument when Iām sure everyoneās intentions were to be helpful and supportive. I certainly never meant to upset anyone and Iām sure nobody else did either - we all just have our own angle on things and tone is also so hard to convey across the internet.
I know you said that you donāt feel like this is the place for you for a number of reasons and I respect that. I am sorry you feel like that (really). Iām sure this hasnāt helped. If there is anything we can realistically do to make these discussions better for everyone then I would hope that weāre all open to that. But we canāt just not have the discussions at all (not at all saying thatās what you or anyone else is advocating for).
I wish you all the best in your TTC journey, wherever you decide to continue that, may you have all the luck in the world.
Why have you taken one specific sentence that I wrote in a private message and posted it on here?!! I am happy to post the whole message so that other berries can see that I reached out to you from fear of upsetting you! I actually checked in with you as I seen that you didnāt acknowledge my response in the main thread. So I was being POLITE and considerate by messaging you to make sure you were ok. And I am actually appalled that you have posted a sentence from what was a perfectly polite message and posted on here to paint me as something I am not. Private messages should remain at that! And not posted on the public exchange on here. What is the purpose behind that exactly?!
I am sorry if you think I have not made an effort to read over all your responses and I certainly havenāt ignored them?! When I am on this thread it only scrolls up so far. Itās glitchy. . Have you considered some of us are just quite busy? some of us actually have busy lifeās back in the real world with children. I am home schooling, working part time, struggling with discontinuation symptoms of tapering off some medicatuon and like I said we are in different time frames. Do you think itās my intention to upset people struggling with infertility, not in the slightest. And perhaps you should give people the benefit of the doubt in as much as Iām in no way a member on here to purposefully upset people.
Yes you canāt relate to the conversation but commenting on the fact that you canāt relate I feel is cherry picking from what people are saying and then making people feel bad because their TTC journey isnāt the same as yours. I cannot personally relate to IVF so I chose not to comment so much on that area of conversation because itās not something I can relate too, I can still wish the best for these women on here going through that though. Must we pinpoint all the areas where we canāt realte to something. Isnāt that actually making those who have posted, who donāt have the āsame realityā as yours feel uncomfortable?!
You say you feel comfortable so what exactly is the issue then? these replies have come after you declared you were leaving as you āfelt like it isnāt your realityā
Once again, I reiterate I havenāt given fertility advice. I offer only anecdotal advice as I am no fertility expert. If you are looking for science based expertise then thatās a conversation with your gp, not here. And I have actually apologised 3 times now if I caused any indirect offence, which you didnāt acknowledge and which I think I ultimately think is rude. If someone reached out to me and apologised I would at least acknowledge them.
Certainly, no one expects you to be positive all the time. Life isnāt like that. I havenāt instructed anyone to be positive Iāve just reminded users itās a TTC thread not a āTTC thread butāā¦
@8ememaisonsoleil I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I too have had a miscarriage and so I feel like I have experience of this. However, I wonāt offer any āadviceā from fear that it may be wrong and not adhere to expectations. I can only offer you my experience and if you get anything from that then great.
I 200% agree with the encouraging diversity of conversation on here. But perhaps miscarriage may not be the best fit in TTC discourse. I would encourage to start a thread with that as the main title which will create a space for women to share their anxiety or experience of that specifically.
As others have suggested not everyone wants to share the whole picture on here for various reasons, and this is a general TTC thread, following generalised conversation regarding TTC. Anything more specific, like miscarriage or the struggle of TTC may be more well covered in their own self titled threads. You will get a better audience in terms of those who have had that experience. I think I seen one thread that mentioned TTC with an eating disorder, and that lady got responses from either women who have similar things going on or simply women dropping in and offering friendly encouragement. I therefore think a miscarriage thread on here would be well received.
I will conclude by saying if this thread is working for you then great please stay and get out of it what you can, if it isnāt, then you are at liberty to leave. If no one likes what Iāve said, by all means report me to the administrators. I think you will find that they will be more concerned with quotes from direct messages being shared on here, myself. But hey ho, do what you feel is best.
I will actually be taking a break from this thread until itās my time for TTC because I feel itās very much taken a argumentative turn. I also feel like the overall meaning has been lost as to why this thread has been created, which saddens me. I am not looking for drama. Iāve simply created s space for women and their TTC journeys. Posting you are leaving, to me indicates that your conversational needs are not met here. If thatās the case then leave without judgement, in as much as I DO feel this is a thread which has perspective and empathyā¦
Letās end this discussion here, please. Everyone has made their feelings known and further debate is unlikely to lead anywhere good. Thank you all for keeping language respectful despite the understandable strength of feeling here.
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Yep. 
@mill1020 have you given any more thought to your IUD removal? [name_u]Or[/name_u] are you not too concerned at the moment. I think I actually have my period back today! Whoop. Unless itās hormonal type bleeding. [name_u]Happy[/name_u] [name_m]Friday[/name_m] everyone. Nearly the weekend 
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@stephaniebrooke - I totally understand. Tthere used to be a thread called āTTC 1year+ā or something like that on these forums. I belonged to/posted on that for a long time because it took us 2.5 years to conceive our third. Iām not sure if it is still active but I do know you are not alone. Iām wondering if it will take me that long to conceive this time around (or longer - or at all!) [name_f]Do[/name_f] whatever you feel you need to do for your own mental health - I support you!
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@katinka Shoot, sorry, I didnāt see your post until after I posted mine. Please feel free to delete! Sorry!
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Ok well Iām just going to thank @anon25197097 for starting this topic and carry on the conversation so that others feel welcome to join hopefully.
Indeed [name_u]Happy[/name_u] [name_m]Friday[/name_m].
Getting ovulation strips in today 
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I keep getting notifications about this message, can you please remove my username? As we were politely asked to end the discussion, receiving notifications that youāve continued to edit your post isnāt productive or helpful in my opinion. Iād love to reply but I understand why thatās not appropriate. I havenāt been able to delete my account here yet, clearly this isnāt the supportive community Iād hoped for, so Iād appreciate this concession in the meantime.
Iām sorry but I think this is a bit rude and unnecessary and while youāre calling this community unsupportive over and over again some of us are just trying to be civil.
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I edited my post as I was instructed by an automated admin response to do so as someone flagged it. I included another full stop as I havenāt written anything thatās violated the websites policy, therefore the post becomes visible again. Any edits on previous posts does not prompt a notification to the person tagged, so I have no idea what you are saying. Perhaps you can contact an administrator and take it up with them. [name_u]Or[/name_u] if you are that concerned you can direct message me rather than once again continuing the dialogue on here.
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I used phrasing akin to unsupportive once. Iāve apologized and I understand that I offered feedback that is not consistent with the overall direction and topics covered on the thread. Thank you for the feedback.
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Here is some advice, whilst you are in the process of deleting your account, there is an option of muting the conversation so you donāt receive notifications.
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I genuinely wish you the best. Wasnāt looking for a argument. [name_m]Just[/name_m] want things to calm down here for everyone.
Best of luck to you.
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Again, letās attempt to get this conversation back to a more constructive line of discussion, please. If anyone is still having issues with the thread (would like help to stop ātracking posts,ā would like any support or to bring lingering questions to our attention, please feel free to flag for admin support or DM me or @katinka), but letās keep further discussion about the posts off this post. Following this notice, we may feel the need to temporarily close the topic if things continue, but I trust that we can all get back to the focus of this thread from here on.
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So, if I can ask you wise people for some advice.
We agreed to start trying whenever lockdown lifts in the UK, which will hopefully be around the start or middle of [name_u]March[/name_u] (the other prospective parent and I donāt live together). And I just realised thatās only like 4 weeks away.
Is it normal to feel anxious? That feels like such a stupid question. I am really happy that itās getting closer, but I canāt deny that itās slightly daunting as well. Because Iām young, everyone is always telling me (slightly too often) how important it is to be sure that this is what we want - and we are. It isnāt a feeling of regret or doubt or anything like that. But nobody ever mentioned that I might feel nervous about it. I just feel silly as well because like I mentioned before, the odds are stacked against us and it probably wonāt happen right away anyway. I still canāt help but feel a twinge of nervousness though! Is that something any of you experienced?
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Oh, absolutely! Iāve already had kids and I still get a little nervous as well as excited thinking about doing it all over again. I think itās completely normal to feel that way.
I was very nervous when I first got pregnant but less so as the months went on.
I think distracting myself with baby names helped as well as researching what happens during pregnancy from month to month and what happens during the first year for a baby.
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Thanks for the advice!
I feel like as soon as I say Iām nervous people will jump on me and tell me to wait. I canāt be upset really because it does come from a place of love. [name_f]My[/name_f] well-meaning but perplexed friends just canāt imagine what it feels like yet to want something like this, I think.
Thatās such a good idea to distract myself with research, thank you so much for that. I think half the problem is this all feels so unreal for me now, partly because time moves so weirdly at the moment and partly because I donāt know what to expect yet. So Iāll definitely be doing some digging, haha.
The names thing is surreal as well. The idea of naming a real life humanā¦ Well, @whatchamacallit, given that your previous childrenās names are so wonderful Iām sure whatever you might have lined up or conjure in the future will be equally great 
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