Unexpected pregnancy

Hello everyone, I’m am in a world of confusion right now.
I already have 2 year old who will be 3 before baby comes.
It’s a total shock that I’m pregnant again. I’m struggling to come to terms with it. I had a very difficult pregnancy due to myself having medical problems and extremely difficult birth so I am absolutely terrified. I also lost my first baby which was an early miscarriage. So I’m surrounded with trauma so I suppose it’s understandable that I am extremely nervous. I’m not sure I can do this. I am scared for my life. I have anxiety, panic attacks and OCD so everything is always blown out of proportion but I genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through this. [name_m]Just[/name_m] needed a place to rant and hopefully I’m not alone in feeling like this as I’m incredibly distressed.

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I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Prenatal anxiety (& Depression) is a very real thing, are you at all able to reach out to a professional to discuss your feelings? There is zero shame in asking for help.

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Oh hun I’m so sorry :heart:

Firstly you’re really brave just being honest about your unplanned pregnancy theres no shame behind your feelings unplanned pregnancies can be overwhelming/scary in general let alone with all these other factors involved.

I’ve had three unplanned pregnancy and each experience has been sh*t.

First pregnancy I was 16 absolutely terrified in an abusive relationship with a guy in his twenties who was way more worldly than I was. The baby was conceived through sex that wasn’t consensual. Me & him discussed termination a lot of pressure was applied for me to go down that route. I couldn’t continued with the pregnancy but had a late term miscarriage.

Second pregnancy I was 25 in a relationship with [name_u]Joseph[/name_u] (Lilia’s dad) I was told the likelihood of me getting pregnant due to my first pregnancy was impossible so lived life like an cautious infertile woman but got pregnant. We both were not ready I was to scarred by loosing my first baby, had lots of ongoing health concerns with my kidneys and was in between jobs. I considered termination felt that this was the best option especially as I had to have a kidney operation and a pregnancy could have jeopardised my health. Anyways I think because I was in such bad health with my kidneys and mentally the pregnancy just wasn’t viable I ended up miscarrying which was upsetting but in a way a relief as I wouldn’t have been able to cope due to poor health.

Third pregnancy I was 26 with [name_u]Joseph[/name_u] obviously and had the knowledge that I was actually very fertile so on the shot. I was regularly getting the shot however the doctor scheduled me for a month after the shot had expired so within that time frame of having my last shot and needing a new one I split from [name_u]Joseph[/name_u] and found myself pregnant. It was terrifying I thought that I had reliable contraception instead I was pregnant and single. [name_u]Joseph[/name_u] didn’t want to be a dad was being truly awful, aside from my mum my family weren’t supportive and I desperately wanted to keep my baby. I knew deep down that this time round I was ready to be a mum I could do this. I went ahead with the pregnancy received support through amazing counselling services offered by the NHS, my midwife and mum.

I now have my beautiful girl but still experience overwhelming sense of panic at the idea of an unplanned pregnancy. When I look back at my the pregnancies I experienced I can say they were the hardest periods of my life an unplanned pregnancy is so so hard. You’re not alone in feeling this way. I would speak to your doctor see if you can be referred to any pregnancy crisis helplines/centres, make a pros and cons list surrounding this pregnancy I found that really helpful in understanding how I truly felt and look into your local pregnancy centres. I’m pro choice and I’m blessed to be in a country where you’re able to express your freedom of choice so I’m not sure whether this would be an applicable to you but explore your options. Either way start with talking to your doctor to see if you can speak with a counsellor.

Good luck and you will get through it :hugs:

[name_m]Feel[/name_m] free to send me a private message if needed!

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Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You are such a brave, strong woman.
I still haven’t accepted things and I fear I won’t for a long time. I am just absolutely consumed with fear. With my son I was extremely protective as soon as I found out I was pregnant but with this baby I don’t feel a connection yet. Maybe I will at the first scan… I just wanna give all my attention to my son and I feel like selfish that I feel like I can’t love another child like I love my son. Hopefully that makes sense some how. I’m just not excited for what is ahead right now and that upsets me. I’m hoping I’ll come around once I’ve had a few weeks to digest it all. I just hated pregnancy because of all the worry and I’m not in the best place mentally or physically right now so I feel like I can’t cope with pregnancy but I’ve been through so awful things and got through it so I’m sure I can get through this. It’s just so scary. I will look into finding some kinda therapy as I really need the support.

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You are definitely not alone.

[name_f]My[/name_f] second was a surprise pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant a month after my first turned one and I had horrible horrible postpartum anxiety that I was still in the grips of (still working my way through tbh) and when I saw that positive test I cried. It wasnt in our plan, in fact, I had such bad anxiety that we were thinking we would be a one and done family. So suddenly having another unplanned baby triggered all my anxiety. I had no desire to connect with my baby, I felt angry and scared. We didnt tell anyone until we were well into the second trimester because we were just in shock.

For me it took feeling her move, before I felt any connection to the pregnancy. And even after she was born it was a slow progression to where we are now. Now I couldn’t imagine life without her. But I had to extend myself some grace and allow myself the room to feel all the emotions and not feel guilty about it.

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As Kibby suggested, seek out therapy or any support you can!

And as LibelluleClaire said, the connection DOESN’T come straight away for everyone, and nor does it need to.

While my only 2 pregnancies have been very much planned, both ended up being traumatic in their own ways - horrible morning sickness, intrauterine growth restriction, ventouse, and 3rd degree tear with one; sinusoidal trace and big deceleration on the ctg found to be fetomaternal haemorrhage, emergency c-section, de quervains tenosynovitis with the other… :upside_down_face:

So while I’ve never experienced an unplanned pregnancy myself, I can imagine how absolutely terrifying it might feel. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that if we’re ever brave/crazy enough to try for a third, I won’t be bonding until it’s born and I’ll be terrified for 9 months straight. I’m also pro-choice although it doesn’t sound like that’s on the cards for you - and goodness knows the situation in the U.S. is scary when it comes to that.

You’re not alone. I know it’s hard with a 2 yr old to look after as well, but really reach out for whatever support you can get. Sending you love :heart:

@Mimimoo92 Your also very brave I actually think as women we are all so brave society isn’t geared towards women really so I feel all women are brave living in a society not really catered for us :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I also feel that if we can share our stories like you have on this forum we can help women find their voices do and leads to further empowerment :muscle:t4:

From the way you’re speaking I’m assuming you will be continuing with the pregnancy which is a good starting point you know what you want /going to do which I always found helpful in relation to my unplanned pregnancies. I think with my third pregnancy as I was absolutely terrified but knew I would going ahead I did things that helped me bond with my baby. I actually had an early scan around 7 weeks (suspected ectopic) which helped me bond as it made this little life more real maybe arrange for an early scan to help you bond? As a name nerd it did help having this wonderful community to discuss names with. I created a board on Pinterest for designing a nursery for her. [name_m]Just[/name_m] little fun things to make me feel more excited about the arrival. Counselling also helped so look into that. But also take time out to just wrap your head round it so fun things with your toddler to take your mind off it. Try to take your mind off the all consuming fear, all the things you hated about pregnancy and turn your mind to the positive stuff :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Also you’re not selfish for having another child. [name_f]My[/name_f] mum said that it came naturally to her having the same level of love for your first as you do your second your heart just I dunno expands and you just fall in love with your second child. Your son probably will love the idea about being a big brother especially if there’s a lot of excitement created surrounding his role as a big brother! If he’s a little trickier to come round kids adjust so try not to worry.

Wishing you all the best :dizzy:

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Thank you so much for your reply you are so kind.
I’ve had a a few days thinking it through and this morning I woke up like I can do this. I walked around town seeing little newborns and I was like yes I need to stop being anxious and I just thought this has happened for a reason and it’ll be very very tough but worth it. I said to my partner that I will be telling my midwife when I see her in a few weeks time that I need solid mental health support throughout and after and really put my foot down. I have just started to get excited now for sure. [name_f]My[/name_f] emotions have been a huge rollercoaster since finding out as it was such a shock but things are looking up and I just have to face it with courage and kindness to myself.

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@Mimimoo92 your welcome I just hope my words of wisdom help in some way lovely :heart:
Honestly I wish you all the best I’m glad you’re feeling a bit more positive! You’ve got this mama just make sure you have the needed support speaking to your midwife is a great start and if you need me just drop me a private message! Good luck :bouquet:

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