I’m not actually in this situation, just thinking. Usually, unless it’s a namesake, using a name of someone already in your life is not ideal. So what happens if you love a name that formerly belonged to a person in your life? Obviously I wouldn’t attach it to them or make it known that it was so-and-so’s birth name, but how do you think this would work out? If you’re trans yourself how would you feel?
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I am genderqueer / nonbinary
I would not care as long you do not associate it with me (uh because my deadname is SO a common like Maria in all the world that I probably would not be offended if you used it WITH NO CORRELATION from me), i don’t know how to explain it
Actually I plan to name my child (maybe) with (most likely a variant) of my birthname because it is a nice name and it has a great meaning, history and things, and I still associate it with nice memories of childhood, because that variant also happens to be the name of my favourite character of my favourite book by my favourite author and reminds me of happy things and I loved that name since my childhood, too. Imagine Dasha from Daria or Anya from Anna.
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I think this would be crucial. I agree!
One of my family friends’ deadnames is significant to me (exclusively for reasons other than that it is his deadname). Realistically, he and my child wouldn’t see each other often in our circles. I’d love to use that name for the personal reasons why I love it and for what it honora within my family.
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I’ve actually had this experience. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom has 2 dead names, (she was born a jr and then changed her name before openly transitioning). One name, we have discussed is super off the table (her birth name), and one she said I could use, but would be super weird 
. In our case, i have decided not to use either. The funny thing is, I wouldn’t use either name to honor her ( they are both very masc. and for that reason, don’t remind me of her at all.) but if she wouldn’t like it, it’s a done deal 
.
One of my moms is mtf.
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So I do like the birthname of a trans friend, but I would feel very, very weird and wrong using it. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if I didn’t associate it with them or announce that it was their deadname, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it.
That said, if, for whatever reason, I really needed to use the name (idk, it’s an honour for a partner or something) I’d probably a) use it only as a middle and b) explain/talk to the friend/loved one first.
I’d feel quite uncomfortable using it, especially if I were particularly close with the person because they would be hearing their dead name all the time.
In this case I think it would be more ok, but I’d still check with them and see how they feel about it.
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as a trans man, i have to say that this would offend me greatly and would make me very uncomfortable. to me, it would read as disregarding my history with the name and acting without caring about my feelings.
this is all assuming when you say loved one, you mean family member or close friend. if it’s a distant friend who you don’t know very well or used to be close to but aren’t anymore, it doesn’t really matter imo.
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yeah i’d find this really weird and not at all conscientious on the part of the namer. but like revere said if you’re not close to this person it’s not a big deal.
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same!
but if you use it as a middle it is okay for me. my deadname is so common in all the world and a classic so it is not weird if used but, meh if you do it on purpose it makes me uncomfortable. 
anyway ASK your friend please 
they should be the only person who has a word on it. every person on the trans spectrum is different - i know one that would not mind much (because her deadname was very common) and people who would get very uncomfortable…
personally I WOULD NEVER use myself someone else’s’ deadname because it makes me feel weird, but if someone used mine yes i would feel uncomfortable but, like it’s your favourite name of the heart and if you really want to use it and you did not know that’s alright-ish (this applies only for MY name, again)
the reason is that my deadname has never been invalidated against me for now so i don’t have exaggerated negative feelings for it, although it is NOT me anymore, so you would not be honouring me at all.
I would feel uncomfortable using the deadname of someone in my life. It’s often too much of a negative association for me to even like the name at all, because I have heard deadnames used instead of the person’s actual name to deliberately invalidate them.
I want to say it’s a discussion you could have with the person, but I’m not sure I would unless I knew beforehand that they had positive feelings about the name (for example, I have a friend who likes his deadname on other people and chose the masculine variant for his name).
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I want to start by saying this is a great question, I know it’s being asked in good faith, and nothing I’m saying is meant to be judgmental of you and your question. It’s 100% ok to ask this and think about it, and the fact that you’ve taken the time to ask shows a lot of respect. Props to you!
But I’m also going to be politely blunt here, because this is a topic I have strong feelings about.
I am trans, although I rarely talk about it on here. Legally changed my name 2.5 years ago, and nobody in my life is allowed to use my dead name for any reason-- it’s fully dead.
As many things do, the answer to this question depends on the situation.
So how would I feel?
If the person was using my dead name as an honor name for someone else, I would have no issue.
If the person was using it as an honor name for me, which I assume is not what’s being asked about, I would obviously be furious (and probably cut them out of my life).
Personally speaking? I would never use a friend or any loved one’s dead name, for any reason except if it was an extremely important honor name, and even then I would talk to them about it first. There are only two names that I would consider making a possible exception for, and they are potential honor middles for immediate family members that died young. I probably still wouldn’t end up doing it.
Honestly, this is the best answer, at the end of the day. Even though I personally would 100% not be okay with it in almost any circumstance, trans people are not a monolith. Some people wouldn’t care.
Also, even if you ask someone with the best of intentions? They might be uncomfortable with it and not tell you about it, and this could cause a lot of hurt.
You make a choice. To me, a name is never more important than a human being. Nine times out of ten, to me, you let the name go and move on to another.
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thanks to everyone for their thoughts and opinions!! definitely gave me some good advice for if i ever happen to be in this scenario <33 thanks again 
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Coming from a genderfluid person who doesn’t use their birth name, if any of my siblings were to name their kids my deadname, I probably wouldn’t mind, as long as they don’t use the nickname that went along with it (my full name is completely behind me, but I’m still semi-attached to the nn). It might be a bit weird if it was used as a first, but it’s common enough and has enough spelling variations/nns that it wouldn’t be too weird
This definitely feels like an “ask the loved one before you use” situation.
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Coming from an Agender person who hasn’t legally changed their name yet, but some people in my life knows my chosen name and uses it, if someone that I know personally uses it, I’d be offended and weird about it. But at the same time, it’s such a common name, that it could be honor to a relative or something.
I think the best option is just to ask them if it’s alright to use the name.