Hey guys, I just wanted to see what’s your opinion on using names that honor family members or friends verses wading through the sea of names out there to find your perfect names.
I used to be dead set against using honor names because I felt that a child is it’s own person and it should have it’s own name. Though lately I’ve been researching family names and found beautiful variations of my family names that are different enough to where they can still be their own person if I used any of those names. The names I have found from playing around with family names have turned out to be classy names that are unique, different yet recognizable which is my naming style anyway.
Before I started looking into honor names, I found tons of names that I liked though they tended to be either trendy, too unique for my taste, or I just couldn’t connect with it on some level.
So I was wondering what’s some of your experiences with your journey of looking through names. Have you only just been trying to find that super special name that’s just for your child, have you attempted to honor loved ones by using their names or variations of those names, or have you done both?
Right now, I have jumped on the honor naming bandwagon… Though I still suck at finding boy names.
So far we’ve only used honor names as middles. My oldest ds’s mn is my dh’s and fil’s mn, my second ds’s mn is dh’s brother’s mn, dd’s first mn is my mom’s name and grandma’s mn, and if we have a fourth son his mn will be my grandfather’s mn. My third son is the only one left out :(, lol though his fn is [name_m]John[/name_m] and there are Johns in our family trees, but we go by his mn.
It’s a difficult choice. There are lots of names I have “found”, only to realize they are family names far out in my or SO’s family. There are some names I have heard from family members that I would love to use for a child, but not necessarily to honor them. However, I kind of feel that once you start using honor names (intentionally or not), you’re a bit stuck. If you name a child after a parent/grandparent/etc on one side, the other side of the family might expect and/or feel hurt if you don’t honor them too. I just don’t want that kind of pressure.
It sucks though, because there are some great names in my family that I would love to use for future children, but I know I’ll be putting myself in a difficult situation. It’s an endless debate in my head whether or not I’ll do it, though. I guess time will tell
We did a twist on an honour name - we found out there was a name that appeared in both sides of both of our families, so we used it to choose a name for our DD. So her name technically doesn’t appear in her family trees, but it’s a variation. I never thought I’d use a family name at all for a first name, but it all depends what happens when you start brainstorming for your baby on the way. In future, we’ll likely use an honour name in the middle, although we’re stumped as to something that would also span a few people, so it doesn’t appear our DD1 got the ‘better’ honour name.
I think using an honor name can be a really sweet gesture, a nice way to make a child feel tied into a wider family circle, or a beautiful way to remember a loved one who has passed away.
But I also feel like it also has some more complicated dimensions. For example, personally, I’d feel a little conflicted “choosing” between my grandparents for who’s name got passed on. I’ve also wondered, in the case of really obvious honor names like naming one child after a parent, or with a family name that gets passed down many generations, if the other siblings might feel a little jealous about not getting to share in that tradition (though I suppose it could just as easily go the other way around if the honor-named child wished they’d had a name picked out specially for them by their parents).
My rule is first names are ones I like, second names have meaning (though not necessarily family/honour names - but have some significance to me). That said, I have ended up with some of my first names holding meaning as well, but that was just a bonus, not intentional. I personally want my children to all have meaningful middles, not just some. In both mine and my husband’s families, there is one child whose middle name isn’t a family name. I’m not one of those children so I can’t speak for them, but I’ve always felt it was a little unfair to them.
For me personally, I’m for using names I like, which is pretty easy considering I have precisely two names I like that happen to honour family members, and even then they’re variations. The problem with honour names is someone will always be left out. I very much doubt anyone would care much if they weren’t honoured, but I love all my family and friends so much I’d want them all to be included. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if I wanted to honour a family member I can’t imagine myself actually using most of their names, even as middles. Then all this’ll be doubled for my future SO’s family and friends.
It’s all so complicated, and sometimes it feels like there’s pressure in general to use not only honour names, but names with some deep, meaningful roots. There seem to be so many people with spaces reserved for set middles, because they’re so steeped in significance. I end up wavering (due to my own indecisiveness/weak will/doubts and nothing/nobody else), and feeling bad for not honouring anyone, or everyone I want to. I’ve spent ages finding creative ways to honour my parents, but I don’t think they’d even notice :P. It’s not for me, but I’m not against it.
So, personally, I’d go for names I love (as long as they’re usable). I think the fact you’ll have given your child one of the first and only things they’ll (hopefully) keep with them forever automatically provides the meaning and significance of a name…
For me using honor names I’m strictly using variations, so these are very much their own names and are different from my family members. The names are classy and beautiful and has a nice association for me that separates it from the other pretty names out there that has no associations to family members.
I could always go and find my own name, my family knows I love them (but I just maybe don’t love the name [name_f]Ruth[/name_f] enough to use on a baby). Boy names still remain really hard for me even when looking at family member’s name. o.O
I love the idea of honoring my family. But I am also a very sensitive person, and am always thinking about “Would so and so be hurt if I honored this person instead of them?” You can’t honor them all. So, I prefer using variations of the name over the name itself. [name_m]Just[/name_m] so no one’s feelings are hurt and possibly honor multiple people at once. I think that family history is important, so giving a family name, or a name variation, is a way of passing it on to them. And if I want to use a specific family name, I usually put it in the middle; so they can be their own person while still having the family connection.
The only family names I would consider using as firsts, that aren’t variations, are [name_f]Zoe[/name_f] and [name_u]James[/name_u]. And there are specific reasons for that.
[name_f]Zoe[/name_f] is my grandmother’s name. We are not biologically related, but she has been a better grandmother to me than either of my biological grandmothers. She is the most classy, generous, kind, and well spoken woman I know. None of her children had children, so I feel like it would be extra special to honor her, since she has no one else to pass her name onto and since she has had such an impact on me.
[name_u]James[/name_u] is my father’s name, and I feel that we have a special bond. He is so special to me and we are so much alike that I can’t imagine not wanting to honor him. His name isn’t my top choice, but I will consider it.
I think you have to find a happy balance of your style and honoring, that way that your child gets his/her own name, but still gets that family connection.
When I originally became interested in names, I really didn’t care either one way or another. I would read on forums how people would say “We’re using [this] middle name in honor of hubby’s grandma!”, but I didn’t really feel the need to do it myself. I don’t remember what changed my mind. But I remember when my list started settling into what it is right now (or close to it; [name_f]Isabelle[/name_f], [name_f]Arianne[/name_f], and [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] were becoming my favorite girls’ names), I had all family names, or at least, one name to tie into family. I don’t see the point in HAVING to use a family name up front, unless I REALLY loved a name that also happens to be a family name (for example, [name_f]Liliana[/name_f] combines aspects of honoring both of my grandmothers, and I adore [name_f]Lily[/name_f]. So that is one I’d use up front.). But since all my other combos have a family name attached (usually as a middle), I feel guilty when I like a new combo that doesn’t have any family tie at all (I’ve considered [name_m]Leo[/name_m] [name_m]Kirill[/name_m] [name_u]James[/name_u], but none of those names have immediate family ties, so I feel uncomfortable using it. Same with [name_m]Grant[/name_m] [name_m]Frederic[/name_m] [name_m]Henry[/name_m]).
I have noticed, though, that the more I’m interested in names, the more I find ties to things that matter to me–not just family, but also my faith, my love for literature and astronomy and history, my friends, etc.–in the names I newly have crushes on. Most of the names on my list I don’t love [name_m]JUST[/name_m] because I think it looks nice. It’ll have a meaning that’s really important to me ([name_f]Aurora[/name_f]), it’ll be my favorite Bible character ([name_m]Caleb[/name_m]), my grandma’s favorite color ([name_f]Violet[/name_f]), my grandmother’s last present to me before she passed on ([name_f]Lily[/name_f]), a name from a favorite literary work ([name_m]Jack[/name_m]), something that’ll remind me of my best friend ([name_m]Caspar[/name_m] and [name_m]Gaspard[/name_m] and [name_f]Amelie[/name_f]), who passed away a couple years ago, or an international variant of my dad’s name ([name_m]Ian[/name_m], or [name_m]Zane[/name_m]…). Not only do I love the aesthetics of the names on my list, but I also love that they remind me of all my favorite things in the world, and all the wonder and goodness of [name_f]Earth[/name_f] that I want to share with them.
I love family names, but I don’t think anyone should feel obligated to honor family if they don’t want to. I think the whole idea of “giving a child their own name” is preposterous. I don’t buy into the special snowflake mindset at all, and regardless of what name you choose someone somewhere is going to share your child’s name. Additionally, giving your child a “unique” name isn’t going to make them their own person. I see these arguments against family names crop up every now and then, and I just don’t get it.
That said, I go for names that I love. If it’s a family name, great. If it isn’t, that’s okay too.
My names are both honor names, one direct and one indirect. I would say that if you plan on using honoring names, it’s always preferable that one of the names (hopefully the first name) is their own. I’ve always been unhappy with the fact that I don’t have my own name within the family. Also unless the family member is already passed on, you do run a risk of coming to regret using that name - your relationship with that family member may sour, which is what happened with my first name. I have the same as my grandmother and quickly her relationship with my mother and father fell apart, and she really turned into a person you wouldn’t want to be named after, so they really regret using the name…
Edited to add: I don’t think it’s about being a special snowflake to have your own name. It’s not like I don’t have my own identity as a person. It’s small things, like having to be “Little Candace” instead of Candace. Or feeling that because I’m named after this person, I should look up to them, or feel some connection to them. There are other reasons, but those are the main concerns.
My first and middle name are just random names that my parents liked and think sounded pretty together. For that reason, I have zero attachment to my name and find it rather blah. I often “forget” my middle name because it has no significance to me whatsoever and even though my parents thought it was “pretty,” I don’t find it at all but I know I would like it much more if it were a family member’s name or something to make me feel a connection to it. For that reason, I decided I wanted my children to have a middle name to honor family. That doesn’t mean I wanted to use the EXACT name of a family member to honor them. For example, my daughter’s middle name is a variant of my mother’s name. I’ve also considered a family member’s birth flower or birthstone to honor them. My mother was born on the first day of summer so we considered [name_f]Summer[/name_f] or [name_u]June[/name_u] also. My mother-in-law was in [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] with the name [name_u]Blair[/name_u] and wanted a little girl so bad and had her heart set on naming her [name_u]Blair[/name_u]. Well, she never got a daughter so if we ever have another, we may consider using [name_u]Blair[/name_u] as the middle. I also love [name_f]Johanna[/name_f] as it’s a combination of my grandmother’s name and my [name_f]MIL[/name_f]'s middle name. [name_u]Dean[/name_u] is a combination of my father’s first name and my grandmother’s first name. [name_u]Vivien[/name_u] is my husband’s late grandmother’s absolute favorite actress ([name_u]Vivien[/name_u] [name_u]Leigh[/name_u]) and she was OBSESSED with Gone with the Wind. I have more ideas but it’s just some examples on how you can still be creative and still honor a family member.
I’ve read articles where over and over again, psychologists and studies show that to help build a child/person’s confidence, it’s important for them to know where they come from and to feel connected to their family background (i.e. family tree). I love the fact that I can tell my daughter that her middle name honors her “[name_f]Nanny[/name_f].”
Similar to pacifica, both my names are honor names (after my grandmothers), and I like the names just fine, but I never felt any special connection to my grandmothers just because I shared their names and always wish that my parents had given me at least one name that they chose especially for me (not a totally unique, special snowflake name, just one they really loved and wanted to give me), not to honor somebody else.
When it came to naming our own children, my husband was in favor of the idea of honor names in the middle, which I tried to get on board with for a while, but ultimately, it just didn’t feel right, considering my feelings about my own name. However, as a compromise, I told him that I would be willing to use family names as long as they didn’t belong to any immediate family and we really loved the names on their own merits. [name_m]William[/name_m] was the name of a great-uncle of mine, but the only time I met him was at his funeral, so using [name_m]William[/name_m] didn’t feel at all like honoring him. [name_f]Cate[/name_f] is a family surname on my father’s side, but since I never actually knew any of his [name_f]Cate[/name_f] family (my grandmother died before I was born) and our daughter’s full name is actually [name_f]Catherine[/name_f], it again doesn’t feel like an honor name. (I’m fine with my dad thinking it is, though.) [name_m]Alexander[/name_m], [name_m]Dominic[/name_m], [name_f]Veronica[/name_f], [name_f]Anastasia[/name_f]…all family names, but of family members we’ve never met or don’t know that well. The fact that they’re also family names is only an interesting factoid as far as I’m concerned. and they wouldn’t be chosen in honor of those people, but because we adored the names themselves.
