My husband and I are both the youngest and as a result we have a lot of nieces and nephews.
Obviously we can’t/won’t use names that have already been used as first names. (I have 6 month old niece with the only girl’s name that we could agree on.)
But can use names that have been used as middle names? [name]Felix[/name], [name]Joy[/name], [name]Elinor[/name], [name]William[/name] and [name]James[/name] are all names we might have considered that are now middle names of a sibling’s child. Are they used up or are they still up for grabs?
I think it depends. [name]How[/name] close are you? [name]Do[/name] they ever go by their middle names? [name]Will[/name] their last names be different? I think a lot of it depends on your feelings on the name and if you care/do the other namers care? My sister named my nephew [name]Benjamin[/name] [name]Alexzander[/name] almost three years ago but I don’t think I would use the name [name]Alessandra[/name] for a girls first name cause it it to close even though it would be in honor of my husbands mom. My sister and I aren’t that close and I haven’t even seen here since [name]Benjamin[/name] was born ( she lives in a different state). I also don’t care for my brother in law and would not want him to think in any way that my daughter is in any way named after his son.
I think fine you unless the child goes by that name.
If we have a boy, we would reuse as a middle name one that has actually been used as a middle name in both of our families and as a first name for my husbands nephew. We have checked with siblings and they are fine with us using it in the middle.
I wouldn’t have a problem with any of our siblings using my daughters middle names as first names.
[name]One[/name] more related, my niece’s name is [name]Anna[/name] and I checked with my [name]BIL[/name] and [name]SIL[/name] when we were considering names that had that name within it (e.g. [name]Susannah[/name]), and they were fine with that too (we didn’t plan to nickname her anything like [name]Anna[/name]). Funny we ended up using something else entirely and her nickname sounds kind of like [name]Anna[/name]'s brothers name ([name]Eliza[/name]/[name]Eli[/name]) and we didn’t even realize it until we first got together and listened to the other kids saying them.
My 2nd daughter’s first name is the same (though different spelling) as my niece’s middle name. In this situation they were both named after my mom so that is different. However, my number one choice for a future daughter is [name]Grace[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name]. [name]Grace[/name] and [name]Elizabeth[/name] are the middle names of my 2 other nieces (on my husband’s side). A bit strange to admit but they are such traditional names that I can hardly let their family have an exclusive claim on those names. Also, I plan on playing a bit dumb as it’s only my interest in names that led me to remember my nieces’ middle names. I know for certain that my BILs could not tell me my children’s middle names and I would have no problem if they used them as first names.
Edited for privacy.
I think it’s fine if the name is a relatively common one (as these are). I would, however, probably give the other child’s parents a heads up beforehand.
There is nothing wrong with using your nieces’ and nephews’ middle names for your child, especially if they’re family names. I’ve never understood why repeating names amongst cousins is such a big deal.
My middle name is my younger cousin’s first name and it never once in over 50 years struck me as odd. We were both named for the same relative. In my husband’s family, at least one boy in each of the family groups has the middle name [name]William[/name] ( their grandfather’s and great grandfather’s name) but only the eldest of the boys has it as a first name. It just doesn’t seem odd to reuse a family name within one generation.
I think it’s fine if they’re common names.
My sister and our cousin share similar first names: [name]Samuel[/name] and [name]Samantha[/name], and I think that’s a bit too close for cousins, especially as my cousin is always called [name]Sam[/name], and my sister is called [name]Sammy[/name]/[name]Sam[/name], so it’s confusing when we’re all together. Thankfully my cousins live in [name]America[/name], so we don’t see them that often.
I do agree that it’s as likely to ruffle the grandparents feathers as the parents. My [name]MIL[/name] asked me once this very question if I’d ever use a niece or nephew’s middle name. It seemed clear to me that she didn’t approve. It was great that I could point out that I already had used my own sister’s daughter middle name. I’m not letting my [name]MIL[/name] tell me which names I can’t use.
Maybe you could use a different spelling 
Good luck xo
I used a nephew’s middle name as my son’s middle name. It is sort of a family name (my uncle and also my brother’s middle) so I guess we are as entitled to it as they are but honestly we didn’t even think about it too much. I know my nephew was chuffed when we announced the name as he had a connection to the new exciting baby. If we had wanted it, I would have used it as a first in this case without hesitating, although we might have given them a heads up first.
However, my niece has an interesting first name and a gorgeous middle that I love, but would not use (as a first or middle)- first because they quite often call her by both her names so it is really ‘her’ name. Also if she decides her first name is too creative for her when she grows up, she will have the option of using the middle, and I wouldn’t want to take that away (but quite honestly I don’t think that will be an issue, it’s more the fact that she seems to really own this as part of her name).
I think it depends on a few things. [name]Do[/name] the nieces or nephews ever get called by their middle name in part or entirity? [name]Even[/name] if one gets called [name]Emma[/name] [name]Joy[/name] or whatever sometimes, the use of the middle name is probably too much to make it usable. Also, popularity - [name]William[/name] would be much more fair game than [name]Walter[/name], as [name]William[/name] is pretty popular at the minute while [name]Walter[/name] isn’t. Spelling it differently might help - [name]Eleanor[/name] instead of [name]Elinor[/name], for example, and I’d probably ask the parents first.
“We’re strongly considering [name]Felix[/name] for this baby if it’s a boy, but have just remembered it’s [name]Luke[/name]'s middle name. I hope you don’t mind if we use it, it’s such a great name after all.”
It does depend on your sibling relationships though.
It’s so much easier to just be open and honest. Ask your siblings. And if the niece/nephew is old enough, ask them.
I wouldn’t mind if I shared my name or if a sibling used my child’s name but I’d feel kind of offended if they just up and announced “This is the name!” and didn’t even have the decency to give me a heads up. It’s very inconsiderate
It’s the kind of thing I’d ask them about. Are they family names? You might be able to get away with naming your kids after the same relatives.
What names have you considered/agreed on? Maybe if you started a thread we could suggest other names you might not have thought of.
The case is different for each name.
[name]Felix[/name]- my sister used it. I wouldn’t ask her because she’d tell me it was ok even if it wasn’t. But [name]Luke[/name] is 10 so I could totally ask him and use his opinion as the deciding factor.
My [name]SIL[/name] (who we are quite close to) used [name]Joy[/name] and [name]Elinor[/name]. They are family names from her husband’s family. Neither of our families has a connection to them.
[name]William[/name]- the same [name]SIL[/name] used [name]William[/name] for her third. This is a family name in my family but not hers. It was my late father’s middle name. It’s probably too common to use as first name so we would probably only use it as a middle name.
[name]James[/name]- This is my grandfather’s name. My mother has a cousin named after him and two of my cousins have used it for a middle name. (My grandfather is pretty awesome.)
My husband is quite close to his two sisters but not his brother. The brother and his wife are using her maiden name as a middle name so we don’t have to worry about that. Of course they used our favorite girls name for their first born. (d’oh!)
I suppose it would depend on the people involved but is it easier to ask beforehand or to ask forgiveness afterwards?
I would just ask your siblings/cousins/in-laws etc and gauge their reactions. (Probably best done in person and sort of as a random remark in a conversation - unless you are seriously considering a name and then I would just straight out ask.)
If they think it could be great or really don’t care I’d say feel free.
If they have any qualms or really dislike it I wouldn’t do it, unless it’s really the only name you can agree on and your kid is already a week old. (Well maybe that’s very drastic, but you know what I mean). Your relationship with your family is too important to risk a riff over reusing a name - don’t you think?