I’m in a tough situation! I have a 2 year old daughter and am now pregnant with a boy. I met a lovely girl when I had my daughter at mothers group and we are now very close. She has a son the same age as my daughter & his first name was our pick for my daughter had she been a boy. When I first met this girl & learned her sons name I commented on how lovely it was & that my daughter would have had the same name if she had been a boy. The name is the number 2 most popular name in the country I live in & has plenty of different nicknames. I do however see my friend & her son a lot (at least once a week, sometimes more, as she only lives a few minutes away). [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think it’s ok to use the name for my son? No other names seem to work as well with the family middle name we have chosen & just seem like a compromise. I will obviously talk with her about it before we use it but I’m worried she’ll just say it’s fine because she feels like she has to, but actually be upset about it. Thoughts?
Yeah, definitely talk to her about it! I’m glad you plan to. This is pretty tricky, honestly. People have posted questions about using the same name as an out-of-state, seldom-seen cousin, about using the same name as an old friend, and so on. I think it is slightly less odd if there is some distance between the two parties, but I generally don’t think it is a good idea when the two children will be seeing each other a lot…and if the parental parties are close. Now, honestly, I don’t know the other mother’s personality. She could be offended or she could think it is cool. I know that you technically had this name in your mind for awhile, but I probably would try to find a different name. That’s just me, though. Friends of ours chose a name for their daughter that my husband and I had really liked for a couple years (they didn’t know and we have not told them that we considered it) and we decided we will not use the name anymore. It was out of respect to our friends, and with respect to the fact that our kids will be part of the same circle…the same social group (we are the only ones in our group of friends who have not gotten pregnant yet, but all of us remain close and our kids will see each other on a weekly basis), the same school system, and so on.
Then again, little boys are all about what is cool, so they may think it is cool to share a name who knows lol. Best of luck with this!
Talk to her if you are worried. I think if it is such a popular name, with different nickname options, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Especially if that’s the only name you love.
My sister loved that she had a friend with the same name as her.
I think it’s perfectly fine to use the name. I would definitely mention to her that you are intending to use it beforehand, but I wouldn’t worry about using it. To be honest, I don’t understand why people get upset if someone they know uses the same name. No one owns a name, and it really is not that difficult to be friends with/be around someone who has the same name. If you love the name, use it.
Without knowing your friends personality of course, I can’t imagine why she’d be anything other than flattered, after all, what better endorsement that you like her taste
I think flagging it with her before baby arrives would be a nice thing to do to show you considered her, but its not like your choice precludes her from using it in anyway as its already been given.
Go for it and best wishes.
I would probably try to settle on a different nickname than her son uses (or if one uses the full name the other can use a nickname) to avoid confusion if the boys are going to be growing up together, but if it’s the perfect name, I wouldn’t pass up using it.
I think talking to her about it would be a good thing to do, to gauge her reaction. Hopefully since you’ve already mentioned that it would have been your daughter’s name had she been a son, she won’t be surprised, and she’ll understand your reasons for using it. If her reaction is negative, that’s a different dilemma–in any case nobody “owns” a name, but even though of course you’re free to name your child what you choose, I can also understand wanting to take into account a close friend’s feelings in making your choice. But I don’t think what you’re proposing is unreasonable at all, so hopefully your friend’s reaction will be positive (and again, proposing different nicknames to me would make a big difference, “I know your son goes by [name_u]Theo[/name_u], so we’re planning on calling our son [name_u]Teddy[/name_u]…” seems to me to be a gracious solution).
who knows lol. Best of luck with this!