What to do when nothing seems right?

Boy Names
1

I love many different names and can easily imagine using many names for real children. My DH is the opposite. He has extremely high standards to even consider a name. Worse still, he does not seem to have a particular set of preferences I can pick out. Luckily, for a girl, the name he loved I had on my short list. For a boy, nothing seems to be working.

He likes [name_m]Lucas[/name_m], I don’t love it. He likes [name_u]Sawyer[/name_u] a little, but we cannot use it. He tried to like [name_m]Shepherd[/name_m], but something about it seemed not quite right for him. He likes [name_m]Duncan[/name_m], but it had to grow on him. He says he could live with it, but he does not have the same feeling as he did with our girl name.

I try to get him to articulate what it is that he likes or dislikes in specific terms, but we are not getting anywhere. Having both of us make lists doesn’t help, because in his words, “Boy names are all awful”.

Here are a few of his more descriptive remarks I can remember:
[name_u]Hunter[/name_u] : doesn’t like “the sound of it”, yet he liked [name_u]Sawyer[/name_u] at least a little
[name_m]Alexander[/name_m]: knew too many female [name_u]Alex[/name_u]'s and he doesn’t like nn [name_u]Alex[/name_u]
[name_m]Milo[/name_m], [name_m]Leo[/name_m]: didn’t like the long-O
[name_m]Sebastian[/name_m]: liked a tiny bit, but no ‘acceptable’ nn was a deal breaker
[name_u]Emmett[/name_u], [name_m]Asher[/name_m]: I suspect he felt it was too soft sounding, but not completely sure

I have tried some tools here and elsewhere, but none have generated any solid leads.

[name_f]Do[/name_f] you guys have any advice when nothing seems right?

2

Boys names are hard!

Ok - going with the two names that seem to have promise for your DH - [name_m]Lucas[/name_m] and [name_m]Duncan[/name_m] - and the things he has articulated (needs a good nickname, something definitively masculine, no long O sounds at the end) some suggestions:

[name_m]Julian[/name_m] (nn [name_u]Jules[/name_u] or [name_u]Jude[/name_u])
[name_m]Malcolm[/name_m] (kind of similar to [name_m]Duncan[/name_m], nn [name_u]Mal[/name_u])
[name_u]Finley[/name_u] or [name_m]Finnian[/name_m] (I kind of feel like this is in [name_u]Sawyer[/name_u] and [name_u]Hunter[/name_u] territory)
[name_m]Callum[/name_m]
[name_m]Hamish[/name_m]
[name_m]Harrison[/name_m]
[name_m]Zachary[/name_m]
[name_u]Spencer[/name_u]
[name_m]Bryson[/name_m]
[name_m]Hadrian[/name_m]
[name_m]Lachlan[/name_m]
[name_m]Archer[/name_m]
[name_m]Dashiell[/name_m]

3

[name_m]How[/name_m] frustrating for you both!

[name_m]Alexander[/name_m] (with nn [name_m]Zander[/name_m])
[name_m]Declan[/name_m] (Dec or [name_m]Dex[/name_m])
[name_u]Dexter[/name_u]
[name_u]Everett[/name_u]
[name_m]Fletcher[/name_m]
[name_m]Marcus[/name_m]
[name_m]Angus[/name_m]
[name_m]Fergus[/name_m]
[name_u]Sullivan[/name_u]
[name_m]Wilder[/name_m]
[name_m]Rufus[/name_m]
[name_m]Rupert[/name_m]
[name_m]Cormac[/name_m]
[name_m]Donovan[/name_m]

4

Thanks so much for the responses so far!

Both dislike
[name_m]Julian[/name_m]
[name_u]Finn[/name_u] (anything)
[name_m]Hamish[/name_m]
[name_m]Bryson[/name_m]
[name_m]Hadrian[/name_m]
[name_m]Lachlan[/name_m]
[name_m]Dashiell[/name_m]
[name_m]Declan[/name_m]
[name_m]Fletcher[/name_m]
[name_m]Marcus[/name_m]
[name_m]Angus[/name_m]
[name_m]Fergus[/name_m]
[name_m]Wilder[/name_m]
[name_m]Rufus[/name_m]
[name_m]Rupert[/name_m]
[name_m]Cormac[/name_m]
[name_m]Donovan[/name_m]
[name_u]Spencer[/name_u]

The rest
[name_u]Dexter[/name_u] - he ‘doesn’t like the sound’
[name_u]Everett[/name_u] - he feels I pronounce it differently, and doesn’t like it. I don’t love it either, but it is ok.
[name_m]Malcolm[/name_m] - neither of us hate it persay, but we do not love it
[name_u]Sullivan[/name_u] - I feel kind of meh about it, he doesn’t feel like it is a fn
[name_m]Archer[/name_m] - I like, he doesn’t but doesn’t really know why

Despite both liking [name_m]Duncan[/name_m], we are not a huge fan of the Irish-y sounding names.

[name_f]Earth[/name_f] shattering update: He mentioned he would seriously consider [name_m]Apollo[/name_m] as a name. His like of [name_m]Apollo[/name_m] has nothing to do with mythology, he says it is a “nerd thing” (read: character from sci fi show he likes). I could seriously consider [name_m]Apollo[/name_m].

In one breath he doesn’t want a super common name. In the next, he doesn’t like anything out there. Then he likes [name_m]Lucas[/name_m]. For a girl, he picks [name_f]Gemma[/name_f]. shrug Help.

Thank you everyone so far.

5

I think [name_m]Duncan[/name_m] and [name_m]Apollo[/name_m] are both handsome names! If he likes [name_m]Lucas[/name_m] more than you do, maybe [name_u]Luca[/name_u] would work? I see that [name_u]Everett[/name_u] was already suggested but would he like it with the nn [name_m]Rhett[/name_m]? In place of [name_u]Dexter[/name_u], maybe [name_m]Desmond[/name_m], nn [name_u]Desi[/name_u] is cute. Maybe [name_u]August[/name_u] with nn [name_u]Gus[/name_u]? A couple more suggestions are [name_m]Harris[/name_m] or [name_m]Davis[/name_m].

6

I love [name_m]Apollo[/name_m]. Is it the character from Battlestar Galactica that he likes? Perhaps if you looked at the names of characters on his favorite shows you might find something he’ll go for.

7

Yep, that is the one. It is funny. In one breath he dislikes names from pop culture things he knows, and then sometimes he doesn’t. For instance, he said if we went with [name_u]Dexter[/name_u], he would have to be a serial killer. Maybe it is only characters he feels ok with his kid taking after, idk. I will have him look at more of his shows that he enjoys. I looked through some Final [name_f]Fantasy[/name_f] names, as it his favorite game of all time, but he didn’t like any.

8

He doesn’t like [name_u]Luca[/name_u].

For [name_u]Everett[/name_u], I get the feeling he likes it at least somewhat, but he cannot stand how I say it, which a nn doesn’t fix sadly. Apparently, I pronounce too much of the [name_u]Ever[/name_u] in [name_u]Everett[/name_u]. I don’t hear a difference between the way we say it, but all the same, he does. It is similar to how I loved [name_u]Charlie[/name_u]. It was my favorite, but the way DH said [name_m]Charles[/name_m] made me cringe.

I like [name_u]August[/name_u] quite a bit, he doesn’t. He sees it too much as the month and therefore not a name, despite any data to the contrary about its use as a name.

He dislikes [name_m]Harris[/name_m] and we cannot use [name_m]Davis[/name_m]. I think [name_m]Harry[/name_m] is super cute, and would just name [name_m]Harry[/name_m] instead of trying to get the nn. He is not a fan of [name_m]Harry[/name_m], [name_m]Harvey[/name_m], or [name_m]Henry[/name_m] though despite my loving them.

Besides any specific suggestions, do you guys have tips for strategies to find more agreeable names? Names seem to just occur to him as nice out of the blue. We aren’t in a super big rush or anything, as we are just ttc. However, chatting about names is a way to keep attitudes around the trouble we have been having light and positive. So, it may seem weird that I am delving this deeply when the baby in question isn’t even around yet, but it is cathartic.

9

What girl name did you both like? And what other girls’ names does he like (that you may not like as much, but it will give us an idea about his taste)?

After that, get him to look over the suggestions. I also think, since he’s the one with the higher standards and the taste you can’t really put a finger on yet, he really should sit down and make that list (by then you’ll probably be in a better position), and discuss with you why he likes the names he had put down there. Maybe it’s just me projecting, but maybe he’d enjoy finding patterns in the names that appeal to him–if not the names themselves, then at least some common elements that will help you both find more likely options. He likes names that end in consonants or are a specific length, he likes names from a particular language, etc.

10

He seems to like strong k sounds, usually in the middle? This is the only thing I can pick out from his preferences

So maybe [name_u]Kieran[/name_u], [name_m]Marcus[/name_m], [name_m]Isaac[/name_m], [name_m]Oscar[/name_m], [name_m]Lorcan[/name_m], [name_m]Maxim[/name_m], [name_m]Declan[/name_m], [name_m]Beckett[/name_m], [name_m]Lochlan[/name_m]/[name_m]Lachlan[/name_m], [name_m]Jacoby[/name_m]/[name_m]Jacob[/name_m], [name_m]Nicholas[/name_m], [name_m]Breccan[/name_m], [name_m]Conrad[/name_m], [name_m]Lincoln[/name_m], [name_m]Frank[/name_m]/[name_m]Franklin[/name_m]/[name_u]Frankie[/name_u] or [name_u]Parker[/name_u] will appeal to him?

Could [name_m]Lucan[/name_m] be an option?

Or [name_m]Ramsey[/name_m], [name_m]Dashiell[/name_m], [name_u]Jameson[/name_u], [name_m]Otto[/name_m], [name_m]Fergus[/name_m], [name_u]Elliot[/name_u], [name_m]Abram[/name_m], [name_u]Cato[/name_u], [name_u]Rhys[/name_u], [name_m]Miles[/name_m], [name_m]Roman[/name_m], [name_m]Adlai[/name_m], [name_m]Solomon[/name_m], [name_u]Arlo[/name_u], [name_m]Hugo[/name_m], [name_m]Magnus[/name_m], [name_m]Soren[/name_m], [name_m]Theodore[/name_m], [name_m]Angus[/name_m], [name_m]Thaddeus[/name_m], [name_m]Tobias[/name_m], [name_m]Ezra[/name_m], [name_m]Reuben[/name_m], [name_m]Silas[/name_m] or [name_m]Lewis[/name_m]?

11

When we were pregnant with our first we couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. Finally we started just going through every name list online (by nationality) and went down and just made a list of what we kinda liked and it worked we came across [name_m]Emrys[/name_m] and both said hey i like that we added it to our list and eventually it just stuck, by the seventh month. It always seems like you can’t agree but it usually works out. Did i get my favorite [name_f]Iris[/name_f]? No but pretty close. And we both love her name. Sounds like you guys already have a pretty good start!