[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! My wife and I are in the process of adoption and we were wondering what would the child call us. I know that the standard is usually mommy and mama, however, for us, culture plays a very big role.
See, my wife, who comes from Pakistan, has always seen kids call their mothers Mama [mum-ah], which transforms into [name_f]Amma[/name_f] [um-mah] or Ammi [um-mee] as they gradually grow older (into their late teens). However, I come from a Hispanic background and my family will be highly disappointed if my child doesnât call me Mami [mah-mee].
The problem here is that we are worried that Mama and Mami are too similar and that the child will get confused, and so will we. Another problem is that mami is the informal word for your momâs brotherâs wife in Urdu and that causes some trouble from her side of the family because her brother does have a wife.
Are Mama and Mami too similar? Should I just go by Mommy (and later mom) and risk my familyâs disapproval? Or should I go by Mami only?
I donât mean any disrespect to your cultures or families, because those two constructs are immensely important to who one is as a person, but perhaps you two shouldnât place too much worry on what they will think. Times change, situations change, and even family structure has changed. Without placing too many assumptions here, my guess is that this is a new sort of situation for both families (ie: when itâs a mom and a dad, itâs just a given, and people donât usually care what the child calls its parents). With that being said, maybe this can lead to a positive conversation between you, your wife, and both sets of in-laws about how you guys may be doing things a bit differently than they would prefer (in regards to the mom titles), but how that doesnât have to be a bad thing. Slight deviation from culture doesnât have to be a bad thing. Maybe you could be sure to share certain ways you plan to raise your child, that pertain to culture from both sides?
For what it is worth, I donât think that Mama and Mami are too similar, especially since your child would know which is which, and especially since it seems like your child would eventually make that switch from calling your wife Mama to [name_f]Amma[/name_f] or Ammi. Mama and Mami, Mama and Mommy, or whatever, I donât think it matters much the love will still be there, regardless of what title your little one calls you. Congratulations to you and your wife on your impending adoption!
Oh, and since the question was posed, Iâve really only heard of the Mom/Mommy or Mama/Mommy titles being used in two-mom families. Granted, Iâm not sure how big of a role culture and family expectations play in these families, but no one seems to have a problem with it, especially the children.
Hmm. I think you will have to wait to see. My partner really wants to be âPapaâ or âPops,â but our kiddo (eleven months old) came up with âDadaâ without any direction from us. Father and child go back and forth like â[name_m]Say[/name_m] âPapa,ââ âDada!â ââPapa,ââ âDada!â and there doesnât seem to be confusion on the little oneâs end. Similarly, my mom really wants to go by [name_f]Gigi[/name_f] (prn Jeejee), but so far sheâs âYaya.â
I think it will only be a little confusing, for a little while, to go by the traditional Urdu and Spanish words for mother. Mama and Mami are very similar, but âUh-mahâ and âMah-meeâ are not, so if you do have a hard time understanding which mom your kiddo wants at the time (which I imagine will be clear in context!), it will get easier as your kiddo outgrows baby talk and uses your preferred words.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you and your partner have different initials, or simple nicknames? Maybe you could incorporate those sounds at first. My kid canât say âAuntieâ or his auntâs full name, but he can say â[name_f]Bee[/name_f],â which is her initial and nickname.
If the kiddo winds up calling you both Mama or Mami, using sounds from your names might be a simple way to differentiate between you too. âMama [name_m]Ra[/name_m]â and âMama Fiâ or something like that.
[name_f]Hope[/name_f] this helps, and congratulations on your adoption!
While I think it might be hard for you to understand who she is talking about for a little while, it will eventually get easier. My nearly two year old still doesnât verbalize Daddy/Dada very well, but knows what it means. I think if you stick to the names you want to be called, your child will learn them and it wonât be confusing for her, even if itâs hard for you to understand her for a little while! I hope this makes sense! Congratulations on your growing family!
Babies are surprisingly intelligent, they will be able to tell the difference and vocalise the difference between Mama and Mami. Theyâre different enough. I personally would start with [name_f]Amma[/name_f] and Mami for a more noticeable difference,
I donât think they are too close at all. I call myself mamma and my daughter usually says that, but lately sheâs picked up that in (UK) English itâs usually mummy (I blame Peppa Pig) and sometimes calls me that as well. I think these are similar sounds to what youâre working with and itâs really easy to tell the difference!
I donât think Mama and Mami are too close, I think itâs adorable. The suggestion of [name_f]Amma[/name_f] and Mami is good, too.
I was in a relationship for a while with a woman, and both our daughters were about the same age (2). They naturally fell into calling me Mama and her Mommy, no issues. We loved it. Now Iâm just Mom.
I have a family at my preschool with 2 moms. Birthmother is Mom, and 4yo calls stepmom RaRa, because her name is [name_f]Sarah[/name_f]. They are expecting a baby girl in [name_f]February[/name_f], not sure how they will address mom names!
In conclusion⌠Mama and Mami, all the way. Congratulations!!!
As with a lot of the other posters have said, babies and children are quite intelligent and will be able to distinguish from Mama and Mami. [name_f]Amma[/name_f] is nice if you really want to use it. I would just use the ones from your cultures, donât worry about them being to close!
I think Mami and Mama is gorgeous and I think your child would be able to easily call you those names and differentiate the sound. However, sometimes babies chooose what they call you! My daughter calls me mama (mumma) even though I always said mummy and my husband called me mummy. But she chose to call us mama and dada we think it is super sweet and hope she always does And of course now we refer to ourselves as Mama and Dada.
[name_u]Freddie[/name_u] calls me Mumma and my wife Mummy, if he wants a specific one of us. If he doesnât care which one he wants, he just calls us both Mum.
I donât think Mama and Mami are too close at all. Freddie has never got Mumma and Mummy mixed up. You should use whatever you want though, donât feel obliged to use what your family think you should use.
I think it will come naturally from the children themselves
My cousinâs name is [name_f]Megan[/name_f], and her wifeâs name is [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f]. Originally their son was going to call [name_f]Meg[/name_f] âMomâ or âMommyâ and call [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] by her real name. But as a toddler, he could not pronounce her real name, so not she is known as [name_f]Gigi[/name_f] to the entire family now. Their kid is 17.
I donât think theyâre too similar but like otherâs have said it may come naturally from the child as they learn. My nephew would mix up my name â[name_f]Annie[/name_f]â with his [name_f]Nanny[/name_f] as he was practicing his speech - and they are obviously quite different, but he doesnât do it anymore. As time goes on the distinction will become clearer for the little one but that doesnât mean they wonât understand, maybe just struggle to vocalise it initially.
If I were you, I wouldnât worry about the similarities, choose the names youâre happy with and see how it goes, your baby will work it out in their own time.
My three-year-old niece has a mama and a mommy and she will not hesitate to correct you if you use the wrong name.
âNo, I went there with mommy, mama was at workâ and stuff like that.
Adding onto those who have said most couples I know use Mama âmah-maâ and Mami / Mommy, itâs sweet, and kids can and do learn quickly how to differentiate the sound both when heard and spoken. However - in rereading over your post, I think you actually have even less to worry about than most couples, given that for you, your names will be âmum-ahâ and âmah-mee.â These are pretty distinct relative to each other.
When youâre blending cultures in the creation of a new family, it doesnât always work out perfectly, as youâve seen in the fact that âmamiâ refers to a very specific person in your partnerâs culture (and that diverges from yours in the sense that many women are Mami at any given time). If youâre adopting, you may want to consider that the child who enters your life could have their own ideas of what you should be called based in their own cultural understanding and upbringing. But youâre doing a great job, and your kids will not grow up confused - though they may grow into teens who find it hilarious to shout âMom!â and see who responds!
I agree with all the people above who have stated that Mama and Mami are not too similar! I love that the names both come from your cultures.
You also made the statement about being concerned since on your wifeâs side since mami can be used for your childâs aunt. If I were you, I would explain to your family members that Mami is used for mom in your Hispanic background, and that you would appreciate it if they could use a different affectionate term for auntie where your child is involved, at least until you child is old enough for the terms to be explained to them. I mean, as 4 or 5, I feel like it would be confusing to call your mother mami and then being told at family gatherings to call this other person mami too⌠but once your child gets older, like once they hit 8-10, if people kind of slip up and call their aunt mami in front of the child, I would probably start letting it go a bit - once the kid can kind of start to understand that cultures come into play, different languages etc, one can be a affectionate title and one can be name for Mom.
Also if I were the aunt in question I would respect that the motherâs culture or term for mom kind of takes precedence over the other sideâs term for aunt. It is more important to you, that mom be called Mami, than for the aunt on the other side to be called mami. If it were me, I would understand and let it go, even if it might feel a little uncomfortable to me. I donât think it is a big deal, and if everyone keeps their cool about the conversation and is level headed, it doesnât need to hurt anybody or be something to be concerned about.
the love will still be there, regardless of what title your little one calls you. Congratulations to you and your wife on your impending adoption!
And of course now we refer to ourselves as Mama and Dada.