When are you obligated to finalize a name?

I have had big problems with everyone around me and am kicking myself. Basically, relatives want to know the name by a certain point. If I say a name, and they actually like it, they get upset if I even mention another name. But my husband is the bigger concern. He has named all our babies until the last one. With our last child, I got very angry with him and told him that he has picked all our names and I just completely blew up at him over this. He was not letting me have any say again. He gave in and said fine, we will name her “[name]Sarah[/name]” then. This is because “[name]Sarah[/name]” was my top pick for several years. “[name]Sarah[/name]” was no longer my top pick. I loved the name for years, but I had been pregnant several times and had had miscarriages and 2 boys during that time. I tried telling my dh that I was not in to that name anymore and I wanted to pick a new name. But he kept calling the baby by [name]Sarah[/name]. Finally, a week to her birth, since he had not been listening to me, I blew up at him and told him that I was vetoing the name and she would not be [name]Sarah[/name] and told him I would not sign the birth certificate. Then he realized I was serious. But, he demanded I pick a name then and there. I threw out one name I liked, but it was not the only one.

So she was born a week later and he immediately called her by that name. I tried telling him I really thought she looked more like this other name. He said no, that I already named her, that this other name was already her name.

It still bothers me, and I was trying to forget it, but the pregnancy test came back positive today.

I used to think it was silly when people refused to tell their baby name. But I resent that I would be forced in to staying with a name I picked five years earlier. Or a name I listed a week before. I don’t think it is that odd to wait until the baby is born and pick a name that fits. Am I the only one who feels this way? Does anyone else get where others expect them to nail down a name well before the baby is born and then refuses to let them go with anything else? I remember more than a month before my first child was born, my mentioning that I was not decided on the name and having others get very upset and insist they needed to know immediately. I cannot believe I am letting this bother me so much. Maybe it is just early pregnancy hormones. But I am scared to even mention what names I might like to anyone, even my husband, because of this.

Wow, you picked a winner of a husband. There is no way in Hell I’d let my husband and family do that to me.

I think a lot of people take the naming overboard. Family and friends are just curious, but they can seem bearing. I always like to know what people are naming their children so I can know what to call the baby. I like to have the name picked out ahead of time, but I’m a planner. I had my son’s first name set by the time I let everyone know I was pregnant. His middle name changed until three weeks before he was born. My daughter, on the other hand, was almost impossible to name. Her name kept changing until my husband nailed down [name]Hayleigh[/name]. I liked the name ( I was the one who threw it on the table too), and he said he wanted her to go by [name]Hayleigh[/name]…so after months of changing her middle name…I settled on [name]Elisabeth[/name]. (which I’ve always wanted to name my daughters [name]Elisabeth[/name] and [name]Victoria[/name])… but after she was born, she didn’t LOOK like a [name]Hayleigh[/name] [name]Elisabeth[/name]. I kept wanting to call her something else, I just didn’t know what. (I actually called her [name]Stacey[/name] two days ago?? haha) It bothered me for MONTHS, but now she’s grown into her name.

I can see how it bothers you. I, myself, would have put my foot down (or up my husbands rear) a long time ago. Naming should be something you do together, not just names he wants. And people don’t understand that just because you LIKE a name (or several names) doesn’t mean you’ll actually name your children that. I [name]LOVE[/name] the name [name]Caterina[/name], but I more than likely will NEVER name my daughter that. Voice your opinions about the names YOU like. Keep putting your foot down. [name]Don[/name]'t let your husband or family run you over on this. YOU are the one carrying the child, and you have a say so in the naming process! You may hurt someone’s feelings, but don’t let that bother you!

Your husband has been unreasonable, and even a bit of a bully. That is not cool. Tell him he can name the first one that HE carries and delivers. There is no way you should be forced into a name or anything else, for that matter. My husband and I haven’t always loved the same names, but we narrow down to what we’re both fine with, and then see what the baby looks like. We had a daughter (surprise!) after 3 boys, and though my top pick was not his top (maybe his 3rd), he just looked at me after labour and said “She’s whatever you want to call her!”.
You should really be able to throw out as many name ideas as you want and have an actual grown up conversation about them, but if your husband doesn’t want to do that, I guess you should just keep your ideas to yourself. It’s a shame though. That part should be fun for you guys to do together. Sorry you have to have unnecessary stress. :frowning:

Now it is time for you to take back the ‘power’ and you will do it by choosing a list of names first and middle combos that you like. (We can help there, just give us an idea of what names you like and we will start making lists for your consideration).

You can take the list to the hospital and choose a name when you see the baby. ([name]One[/name] of our nameberries was up to day five without a name for baby and she has just posted the name in birth announcements the baby is named [name]Penelope[/name] [name]Soleil[/name] and you could read the posts she made.)

You will not let your controlling husband take over and emotionally upset you again, you need to tell him how he is affecting you and if he is a reasonable man he will listen. I think it is definitely your turn to name this baby and hopefully he will concur and not cause you any more grief.

He should be treating you with kid gloves on account of your pregnancy history and he needs to be more kind and thoughtful towards you. Perhaps he doesn’t realise how much he is upsetting you so try to talk about it without it escalating into WW3.

You will not tell your relatives the names beforehand (you can be very vague if they ask, don’t be pushed into revealing anything you don’t want to reveal).

Hoping that you have a healthy pregnancy and that your husband will allow this naming process to be a happy one and I hope that he will stop his pushy ways and allow you the joy of naming your baby. He needs to take a back seat and have a good attitude and allow you to talk about baby names that you like without any pressure from him.


Have you and your husband considered talking to a counselor about all this? It sounds like youre dealing with a lot of stress right now and maybe a mediator would really help.

I hope I’m not out of line in saying this, but your husband sounds like a controlling @$$, and I think there’s more going on here than just a spat about names. He has no right to steamroll over your feelings with regards your children’s names or ANYTHING else for that matter. Tell the relatives to suck it up. You carried the child for 9 months, you went through childbirth, and you’re the one raising it, so they can back off!!!

Your problems go far deeper than the baby’s name.