We waited until about the 12-wk scan to start telling family and friends. The last person we told before doing a wider announcement was my best friend who had already planned a visit from [name_m]Boston[/name_m] so we decided to surprise her in person. It was really a test of patience waiting to surprise her haha I think by the time she visited I would have been like 16-17 wks along.
We did have friends who guessed early because we went to their house one night and they literally offered me every thing you can’t have while pregnant so I made feeble excuses all night long. They figured out what was really up .
Having just had a miscarriage… I don’t really know what to say about this. I was almost at 6 weeks and we hadn’t told anyone yet. I don’t know what I will do next time. It is terrible to even think about and I can’t imaging having to tell people and deal with their emotions too.
Oh @hellobanjo I’m so sorry for your loss. What you said about managing other people’s emotions is so accurate - trying to do that while coping with your own reactions and feelings must be an absolute nightmare.
I wish you nothing but the best for the future
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m in the same terrible boat (mine was a 9 weeks in mid-[name_u]December[/name_u]) and having a miscarriage, especially having a miscarriage over the holidays, is a special hell I wouldn’t wish on any person.
I also don’t know what I’ll do next time. I’m grateful (not the right word) we didn’t tell anyone before it happened because I too would struggle with managing other people’s emotions around this. I don’t have any answers as to why mine happened and the idea that I’d somehow be responsible for explaining the situation or answering questions from others would be nothing short of terrible.
I wish you comfort and better days ahead. You’re not alone and I’m so sorry that this happened.
With my first pregnancy, I didn’t tell people until 12/13 weeks, including my family as I wanted to tell them in person and we were overseas.
With my second, I told people at 12 weeks, and we ended up losing the baby the following week. It was a comfort that people knew and could support us, but telling everyone the bad news was very hard.
With my third pregnancy I told quite a few people early on (6 weeks ish) as I was so excited about my rainbow, and I lost that baby too.
I am now 8 weeks pregnant (fourth pregnancy). Although with this time we have heard a strong beat and everything is measuring well, I don’t think I will tell people until after 13 weeks. With the exception of my mum and sister, who I might tell a few weeks earlier.
My sisters and mum found out pretty much the same time I did, my dad found out a few weeks later. Other immediate family found out around 12 weeks and only those I saw in public (extended family and friends) found out after this time. Everyone else found out the day after he was born via Facebook. I didn’t feel the need to let others who didn’t need to know, know. And then from 28ish weeks I had complications and he was born at 33 weeks so I just didn’t feel the urge to publicly share it. But that’s just me!
Hubby and I suspected I was expecting (he actually suspected much sooner than I did!) but I waited until a couple days after my missed period to test because I decided I didn’t want to know if there was a chance it might just be chemical.
He was ready to tell people as soon as we got that positive test! But we waited until I had my first doctor appt and the 8 week scan. Once we were told everything looked good and it should be a very low risk pregnancy, I let him tell lol. We called our parents, siblings, and aunts/uncles. Then he posted on Facebook. I held off posting on my own Facebook until after the 12 week appt. I honestly could have waited longer to share, but it was nice how excited everyone is for us.
We told close family around 7 weeks with our 1st (we waited til the confirmation ultrasound), then others that we feel should know at 12 weeks. Then we don’t like to make any big announcements to other friends (or social media) until we find out the gender and the big anatomy scan around 20 weeks, however this baby is carrying really forward, so even though we haven’t found out the gender it’s not something we can hide at this point.
Personally it would cause me more distress for others to know I’d had miscarriage, I would hate to know that they felt sad and disappointed for me, so I only tell those who would probably notice anyways. But I know others who need that support, so if you think you would like to have support in that situation, I think it’s a great idea to tell at least those you need.
Our first we waited only 8 weeks (I was bloating)- she is our honeymoon baby so it was only a short while after we were married. Our second we waited 10 weeks (bloated too). This pregnancy we told close family within a week or two of finding out. We announced to extended family and friends at 15 1/2 weeks, later to find out my sister spilled the beans immediately after telling her.
At nearly 11 weeks, the only people in the know beyond medical professionals are my SO and my mom. SO knew about 2 seconds after the second line on the pregnancy test appeared (I called it out to him through the bathroom door). Mom was told two weeks later after the dating ultrasound.
Our plan is to tell his parents this weekend when we go to drop off some groceries for them. He didn’t want to tell sooner cause his mom likes to spread news a bit too much, so he figured the later the better cause once she knows, she’ll be talking and soon enough everyone in his family will know. In fact, we’ll also be stopping in on his nearby brother to tell him the same day forever his mom can.
Because I’m a teacher and [name_f]Spring[/name_f] Break starts [name_m]Friday[/name_m], I get to wait until week 13/14 before telling work. I think friends (as most of my friends are also educators) will know just before we go back to work.
The one dread (beyond worrying that something will happen) is telling my friend who is TTC and has thus far been unsuccessful due to PCOS. I’ve been trying to read up on how to do it sensitively.
We told parents and siblings on [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] [name_u]Day[/name_u], which was exactly 6 weeks. I’m so thankful we did, because it meant we had a whole open support network when our baby went to heaven. There were no secrets. We also get to keep all those precious memories of smiles and hugs and tears when we told people, and that will be precious forever.
[name_f]My[/name_f] Dad made comments along the lines of “that’s why people wait till 12 weeks” and “just as well you didn’t tell your grandparents”, but I wouldn’t change it for anything and I’d do the same again next time. Babies deserve all the love in the world for as long as possible.
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