I just found out I’m pregnant after close to a year of TTC. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I are over the moon!!
Now that we are in the process of planning what the next 8 months are going to look like, I’m feeling a bit torn about when to share the news with our friends and family.
If we share at around 6 weeks, I’m still very much in the early stages and it could be too early. On the other hand I am so impatient, and the thought of waiting until 10 or 12 weeks to tell the people we love that the grandchild / niece & nephew / great grandchild they desperately want is on the way seems a bit like torture.
Part of me thinks that if the worst were to happen, having the people closest to us around for support would be really important, so early is the way to go!!
What are your opinions? When did you (or when are you going to) tell the people in your life??
Both pregnancies I told people when I was 4-5 months as I I didn’t want to share too early but if people guessed I would tell them but ask to keep it a secret. We just didn’t want to say too early, that’s all really. I don’t think it matters unless you never tell and pronounce randomly “I had a baby” then that may be a bit of a shock and some people may feel sad that they weren’t told.
We told family a week after we found out. I couldn’t wait! And then after I had my appointment at around 7 weeks we found out it was twins and we surprised everyone with that right away too.
I understand keeping things quiet until after 15 weeks because there is a chance of something going wrong but I really did want the prayers and support and after finding out it was two I was so glad I didn’t wait to tell.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] whatever you’re comfortable with. Some people are more private about these things and that’s perfectly fine.
When we get pregnant again I’m sure we’ll let everyone know right away this time too. It’s pretty hard for me to hide my morning sickness anyway.
Edited just to say that the people we told were immediate family (grandparents and aunt/uncle) but of course they told extended family and so everyone knew.
Something to consider. People usually can’t keep secrets like that. I think every person in both our extended families knew by the end of the day we told the grandparents. Lol
For my husband and I the deciding when to tell was more decided on finding the special day to tell and not necessarily looking for a certain number of weeks to pass:
My 1st and 3rd we told our families on [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] [name_u]Day[/name_u]. Putti me at what we thought was around 4-6 weeks with my first and about 13 weeks with my 3rd… This was a week after finding out we were pregnant with my first and close to two months after finding out with my 3rd.
My 2nd we told our families at my MILs birthday party. This was about a month after finding out we were expecting and I was about 8 weeks pregnant.
There’s definitely the concern over miscarrying but to me the excitement and wanting to find the special day and way to share the news has always taken priority.
@LemonadeAdelaide Thanks for this! wow you have so much patience, I think waiting that long would kill me! I was never any good at keeping secrets! Thats a really good point about making sure people don’t find out after the fact for the first time!!
@whatchamacallit Thanks for responding. Oh wow! That must have been a shock for them. I think I’m with you - I get why people wait longer but I agree that it can be good to tell a little earlier! Also very good point about people not keeping secrets. If i can’t keep this one I shouldn’t expect anyone else to!!
@Alix2016 Thanks for this - thats a really good point. I havent even thought of the how yet!! Maybe if I think about that first, I’ll naturally have my date to tell. Thanks!
We told most people after the 12 week scan - only my boss found out before and that was for work-related reasons. We wanted to tell family in person and the 12 week scan coincided with relaxing of lockdown restrictions in our country meaning we could go and visit our parents for the first time in months, so we surprised them by taking over our scan photo! Everyone else was told in the week or so that followed.
With the first two pregnancies, we waited until the end of the first trimester because if I’d had a miscarriage, I really didn’t want to have to share that. Also, I’m a bit superstitious and to me, telling early would have been like tempting fate.
With this current pregnancy, we told our families much earlier because with our kids being older and the quarantine just starting (we found out I was pregnant two weeks prior to everything starting), we figured we might need some additional help with appointments and childcare (since the kids are home 24/7 now).
Hello, congratulations. It’s so exciting when you find out you are pregnant you simply want to tell the world. The way I answered this for myself was ( would I want my family to know, if worse case scenario, baby didn’t make it to full term) the answer was yes, so I decided to tell my close friends and family when I was 12 weeks that’s not me being pessimistic either. [name_f]My[/name_f] mum has a sixth sense I swear! so she would know something was up anyway! [name_f]My[/name_f] dad is the same, he has always guessed that I’ve been pregnant when I actually was ( in the early stages) says my mum used to have the same glow lol… I informed extended family in the 20 week mark. Now with a third I wouldn’t tell anybody because they would prob think I was crazy for having a third and be judgemental. ( I have two very full on boys)
So I guess just do whatever makes you comfortable. For me it was from 12 weeks
Super close mom friends and my husband- day I got a positive test
Close family- 6 weeks
Rest of family/friends- 12-13 weeks
My nosy neighbor- not until the baby comes home
A friend once told me she had had a miscarriage early on and she hadn’t told anyone but her husband and she wished she had shared with more people earlier so she felt she would have had more of a support group going though such a difficult time.
I do not have children yet, so obviously this is all tentative. [name_f]My[/name_f] thought has always been that I would only tell people before 12 weeks if I’m comfortable sharing with them about a miscarriage (God forbid). So I will absolutely tell my parents, siblings, grandparents, and closest friends, maybe at 6ish weeks. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with coworkers or social media friends before 12 weeks. That’s just what I’m comfortable with though! Everybody’s different
I think babies deserve to be celebrated. You shouldn’t have to keep your joy a secret in case something goes wrong. I’d tell people whenever you feel you want to - there’s no right or wrong way. I honestly love seeing really early announcements because it says to me that no taboos about infant loss or worries about stepping on other people’s toes is going to stop the couple from celebrating their child - I think that’s the way it should be!
We went through IVF to have my daughter and basically anyone that we were close enough to tell that we were doing IVF (immediate family and best friend) we told right away. Everyone else we waited until the first trimester was over so told around 13 weeks (extended family, friends, coworkers).
I definitely recommend telling anyone you are close to right away - it’s nice to share the joy, and when we had a miscarriage in a subsequent pregnancy it was nice to have 2-3 close friends to talk to who knew what I was going through
No kids yet, but I think I’d tell around the 13-15 week mark. I’m a very private person when it comes to emotions and I wouldn’t really want people knowing, but that’s just me. Also, I definitely wouldn’t want it all over social media which some people will always do whether you like it or not.
With our first, not even my husband knew until about three weeks after I found out. At the time, we were travelling separately, on separate continents, and I waited to tell him when we reunited in person. We told only our friend who we were travelling with at the time. Everyone else (including our immediate family) found out when we returned to Australia, at around 4 months along. We didn’t consciously talk about keeping the news to ourselves for that long, but after travelling for as many years as we had been, the lack of communication came naturally.
With our second, we decided to tell everyone right away. Life and the potential loss of it is all a part of the journey, and should something have happened, I wanted to be able to be open about it and crack through any taboo. It provided me the opportunity to celebrate rom day one with my family and friends, but also opened the door to talk about the struggles associated with pregnancy through each stage. It’s not all glowing, radiance, and happy baby bumps.
Best advice [name_m]Ive[/name_m] gotten is, the earliest people you should tell are those eho would be most there for you (ie be helpful, supportive) should it not work out. There’s no rule about who that person/those people should be. It iust depends on your relationships. It’s you that would need the support, not them.
Thank you everyone for all your replies. It gave me a lot to think about, and I loved reading everyone’s perspective.
I think initially I was really Team “Tell [name_u]Early[/name_u]” and we told our parents and a few close friends. We then had a very big scare where we thought that we had lost the baby. (All good now, seen the heartbeat. Measuring at the right size, etc.) and I realised that I did not under any circumstances want to have to tell anyone what we’d been through.
It took that experience for me to realise that on our next one I want to wait until at least 12 weeks along!
We’ve only known for sure for two days and a half, and we’re not sure when we’ll share the news.
It feels very personal. A wonderful and exciting secret between my husband and I. We don’t want questions or predictions, advice (other than naming advice), horror stories, ideal scenarios, endless chatter… it’s nice and enjoyable to be “just the two of us”. We can talk about our tiny gift under our terms and that’s wonderful. It’s not going to last very long so I’ll keep it private for a while.
I do want to tell my parents, particularly my mom, but only when I can see her in person. I want her hug and warmth, and to see her face.
Other than my mom and dad, I don’t think we’re in a hurry to tell. When my parents find out, we’ll probably ask them to keep it quiet.
Sharing the news here to start searching for a name seems perfect. It’s distant enough to feel like it’s private, and I can still be giddy and excited!
Wow. So different to see all the reactions to this. I just didn’t think of losing the baby. Could happen to anyone of course, but it wasn’t something I gave a lot of thought to.
